Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: chat

Feminism: sex and gender

Original poster

" Pregnant woman yelled at me for offering her my seat on the bus'

90 replies

spotcheck · 14/09/2021 22:16

I was listening to Talk radio ( I like Julia Hartley-Brewer, but generally don't listen to others...
Anyways, the drive time presenter related a story that his elderly father was shouted at, on public transport, because he offered his seat to a woman who was visibly pregnant, and had a baby as well.
I can't remember the exact words, but she shouted something along the lines of ' I'm not weak, stop assuming I am' etc.

I despair. This woman was catering to the idea that we need to ignore women's biology, and pretend it doesn't have an impact. That to acknowledge female biological experience is to somehow admit weakness.
And yes, I understand that not every woman would have 'needed' the seat.

Your thoughts?

OP posts:
RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 17/09/2021 16:01

@AnnunciataZ

Sounds like made up bollocks so that the presenter could moan about feminists.
Yes

My dad used to say all the time that you couldn’t offer a seat or open a door without feminists yelling at men

Hes in his 70’s and always always always….offers seats, open doors, open car doors, walks on the road side of the pavement etc

And i asked him when it had happened to him and it never had…but it happens to other men ALL THE TIME

NewlyGranny · 17/09/2021 16:26

Another vote for most unlikely scenario! I do remember the first time I was offered someone's seat on the tube - I was barely 60 but had stopped colouring my hair and given in graciously to silver. It was a young woman who offered and I was refusing politely, but I was with my daughter who nudged me and told me to accept, so I did. It was the right thing to do.

A pregnant woman with a small child is 100% guaranteed to be pathetically grateful to anyone who offers her a seat, and only likely to yell at people who don't. 😉

Hotchox · 17/09/2021 16:30

There's no way this really happened. Manufactured story to give the hosts something to moan about / radio equivalent of clickbait.

Original poster
spotcheck · 17/09/2021 18:03

Once again ... The story wasn't about feminists ( I am one by the way).
It was about people being offended.

What I took from it is that there may be some women who believe that equality means that kindness/ empathy must be viewed as patronising.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/09/2021 18:10

What I took from it is that there may be some women who believe that equality means that kindness/ empathy must be viewed as patronising.

I think it can sometimes be patronising, especially when the person is unwilling to accept no for an answer if you don’t want the seat. You’re made to feel like the bad guy because you want to stand up, often in front of a load of other passengers. Some men seem to think all women must be offered seats, not just those who are pregnant. That’s patronising.

RunningStrong · 17/09/2021 18:15

I, a fit and healthy, non pregnant, woman in her 40s was once offered a seat on the tube 3 times in one day.

It's never happened before or since. I did wonder whether I looked ill, pregnant or old and I was a little bit offended. I didnt say anything except no thank you though.

Regardless of the woman's own personal circumstances, by being so unpleasant, she reduces the possibility that someone who does need the seat will be offered one. (Or the person who fabricated the story does)

Original poster
spotcheck · 17/09/2021 18:15

Yes, not taking 'no' for an answer is patronising.
Offering is a kindness.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/09/2021 18:16

I’m not sure it’s always kindness. There’s a certain type of man who loves offering loudly so the whole carriage can see what a good guy he is. I’m not sure kindness is his motive.

Bimblybomeyelash · 17/09/2021 18:17

I don’t think we can draw any conclusions about an anecdote.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 17/09/2021 18:19

What a nasty fucking bitch, shouting at an old man for simply being kind. Fuck her, let the twat stand up!!

merrymouse · 17/09/2021 18:20

@Bimblybomeyelash

I don’t think we can draw any conclusions about an anecdote.
Agree.
RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 17/09/2021 18:20

@spotcheck

Once again ... The story wasn't about feminists ( I am one by the way). It was about people being offended.

What I took from it is that there may be some women who believe that equality means that kindness/ empathy must be viewed as patronising.

Yes i know

But my anecdote happened to be about my dads view of feminists

He assumes that any women who gets ‘offended’ is a feminist

RufustheBadgeringReindeer · 17/09/2021 18:21

@Bimblybomeyelash

I don’t think we can draw any conclusions about an anecdote.
Definitely not mine

I’ve always got an anecdote and they are rarely relevant

NiceGerbil · 17/09/2021 22:54

@spotcheck

Once again ... The story wasn't about feminists ( I am one by the way). It was about people being offended.

What I took from it is that there may be some women who believe that equality means that kindness/ empathy must be viewed as patronising.

Well what you took from it then. Was something negative about women's behaviour (via anecdotal evidence) which is often cited as a reason feminism is awful.

So. It was to do with feminism. That's what you took from it yourself!

???

NiceGerbil · 17/09/2021 23:01

'she reduces the possibility that someone who does need the seat will be offered one. '

This angry pregnant women thing comes up up all the time and has done for years. IME loads of people esp men resent the idea that pregnant women often could do with a seat and so offering is the thing. I don't know why. It's just pregnancy not other things. So these stories are brilliant as those people can have a real froth about bloody feminists spoiling it for everyone. How can any man offer a seat when he might well get a tirade! Totally understandable not to. Sensible in fact! It's their own fault. Bloody women.

A view which is demonstrated perfectly by this post-

'What a nasty fucking bitch, shouting at an old man for simply being kind. Fuck her, let the twat stand up!!'

NiceGerbil · 17/09/2021 23:03

It's interesting the very common desire in society in general. To enjoy reinforcing the view that. Bloody women. They're usually to blame Fri l for anything that goes wrong. Pregnant women?! Not ill why do they expect special treatment it was their choice to get Pg. And feminists! The worst of the lot. Hairy angry man haters.

AICM · 18/09/2021 15:48

Classic feminist responses here.

If it doesn't fit the narrative, it must be made up.

AICM · 18/09/2021 15:51

@Bimblybomeyelash

I don’t think we can draw any conclusions about an anecdote.
The whole Mumsnet universe will implode if this becomes the accepted norm.
TheCloudBotherer · 18/09/2021 16:08

Yeah, people are so easily offended these days. On just this thread, for instance, we've got the OP in despair and two other delightful sounding posters calling a woman they've never met a "twat" and a "nasty fucking bitch". All based on an entirely unsubstantiated anecdote that's only a slight divergence from "You can't say hello to a woman anymore"/"I held a door open for a woman and now she's taken out a hitman on me."

I think the radio presenter, in this instance, has just recognised that a significant portion of his audience is comprised of people for who enjoy being outraged/shocked/despairing in response to a tenth hand account about somebody else being offended.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/09/2021 16:12

@AICM

Classic feminist responses here.

If it doesn't fit the narrative, it must be made up.

If you never actually seen anything like that yourself, despite decades on public transport, and it's a whole 'seven steps to Kevin Bacon' away, and it neatly fits a woman-hating narrative, yeah it could be made up.
sashagabadon · 18/09/2021 16:15

I’m doubtful this occurred too. I have never ever seen this happen in 50 plus years of tube travelling. I also very regularly see seats given up for all sorts of people by all sorts of people and people politely accepting the seat or saying thanks but I’m getting off next stop or thanks but I am ok. Everyone smiles, all good. I travelled pregnant to work for a fair while and almost always had someone offer me their seat, which I accepted. I also commuted with a buggy and baby then toddler for 3 years or so and people helped me up and down the stairs regularly. (It was otherwise a nightmare though so do not recommend Grin)
Maybe it’s just the lines I travel on

PankhurstConnection · 18/09/2021 16:26

@AnnunciataZ

Sounds like made up bollocks so that the presenter could moan about feminists.
This was my first thought. I honestly can't see a pregnant woman with a child saying 'I'm not weak' ... really? Odd thing to say. I'm skeptical to say the least.
PankhurstConnection · 18/09/2021 16:27

@AICM

Classic feminist responses here.

If it doesn't fit the narrative, it must be made up.

Classic arsehole responses out in force too I see.
PankhurstConnection · 18/09/2021 16:30

@AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit

What a nasty fucking bitch, shouting at an old man for simply being kind. Fuck her, let the twat stand up!!
Speaking of ...
AICM · 18/09/2021 16:37

Pankhurst...

You're one of the reasons feminism is losing.