" Pregnant woman yelled at me for offering her my seat on the bus'

[spotcheck]

I was listening to Talk radio ( I like Julia Hartley-Brewer, but generally don't listen to others...
Anyways, the drive time presenter related a story that his elderly father was shouted at, on public transport, because he offered his seat to a woman who was visibly pregnant, and had a baby as well.
I can't remember the exact words, but she shouted something along the lines of ' I'm not weak, stop assuming I am' etc.

I despair. This woman was catering to the idea that we need to ignore women's biology, and pretend it doesn't have an impact. That to acknowledge female biological experience is to somehow admit weakness.
And yes, I understand that not every woman would have 'needed' the seat.

Your thoughts?

@AnnunciataZ

Sounds like made up bollocks so that the presenter could moan about feminists.

Yes.

I’m sorry, you lost me at ‘I like Julia Hartley Brewer’….

Moaning about feminists wasn't the point. It was that people in general get easily offended.

However, MY point is despair with the school of thought that suggests we need to ignore our biology to be equal.

@AnnunciataZ

Sounds like made up bollocks so that the presenter could moan about feminists.

I think so too.

@spotcheck

I don't know if it was a baby or a toddler ( was driving home after a long day).

The point on the radio show wasn't ' how awful are feminists, it was more that some people are so easily offended.

Whether or not the story was true, the segment will have been designed to appeal to its audience and to play to their prejudices.

A colleague was offered a seat on the tube once, during some times of the month she gets very bloated and she was that day. To save embarrassment all round she accepted the seat and thanked the man profusely.

Julia HB ...🤮

@AnnunciataZ

Sounds like made up bollocks so that the presenter could moan about feminists.

Its interesting that we're happy to accept tales of unpleasant men but a tale of unpleasant women is often met with 'bollocks'. Women are often pretty unpleasant/rude.

This story is at least 2nd hand. I think the elderly father could have cast himself as the hero of the story when other variations of the story exist.
Not now im 51 but when i was in my 30s older men, pensioners, used to offer me a seat and obviously i wasnt going to take it and let a pensioner stand.

Often, pensioner men dont identify with being pensioner men, the see themselves as heroes and they are offering their seat to women 1/4 their age on the bus 🤔🙈

Pretty convenient that the story hits so many lazy stereotypes beloved of a certain type of radio show:

• feminists being strident
• young people today
• people are easily offended/looking to be offended/professionally offended
• you can’t say/do anything these days

Sadly perhaps not quite hitting the full bingo of using the terms ‘woke’ and ‘virtue signalling’ but no doubt listeners were able to push it to that.

I probably shouted at people for less than that when I was pregnant with a young baby as well. I imagine she was just having a bad day rather than denying her biology - I wouldn't read too much in to it.

Im always on the bus so im familiar with the behavioral psychology of bus behavior 😃 but really, many times, elderly pensioner men have engaged in this "after you madam" behavior nd im not comfortable with it. I might be 25-35 years younger than a man determined to do the After You Routine, even though he has a stick and he's so thin his suit his hanging off him.

Mind you, not seeing anybody under 55 on the bus today, or for ages!!! Covid has put an end to this.

@Summerfun54321

I had to sit on the tube when pregnant due to bad pgp and hyper mobility issues. I always just asked someone if I could sit in their seat, no one ever said no, everyone always obliged.

Plenty of pregnant women don't feel able to ask for a variety of reasons.

That's why the baby on board badges are good someone usually notices.

They weren't around when I was Pg.

I also believe this sounds like bollocks and have said so already, with my reasons. While acknowledging that women can of course be arseholes.

Things men have done to me on the tube that were bad manners.

Masturbated at me on a fairly empty tube on a bit that used to take 4 mins which feels a long time when that's happening.

Say opposite staring touching legs(he was tall!). When I moved coming and sitting next to me. When I moved again same. In the end I jumped off at a stop and into the next carriage pressed into the corner as much as possible. Doors closed as it went off he was on the platform looking around and looked angry.

That's off the top of my head.

On the bus some boys were dropped a lit fag down my back.

Another time boy sitting behind whispered I'm going to follow you home and rape you in my ear.

Oh sorry! Not that sort of bad manners. My mistake.

This example does tick a large number of popular bloody women/ bloody feminist boxes plus verbally abusing someone (elderly naturally) in front of child in pushchair.

Oh and because she was 'that sort' of feminist. Like a cartoon one.

And the women I know who think like her are vocally not feminist. So that's odd as well.

I don't believe the story either. My experience of most public transport is that when someone does something to another passenger that annoys them, the most they do is give them a dirty look and mutter. Brits aren't good at confrontation.

Yes I am a bit sceptical as well. I was on a bus where a young mum got on with a small child, they were happily chatting to each other. A man offered her a seat and she said 'no', clearly, just one word. The man rolled his eyes at another male and said 'well I tried' in a loud voice. The woman had done nothing wrong: 'no' is a full sentence, but the man seemed to expect more. I was very impressed by the woman, saw her with her child on other occasions, they chatter away to each other in a heartwarming way. So, OP, I agree that people take offence where none was meant.

@Pudmyboy

Yes I am a bit sceptical as well. I was on a bus where a young mum got on with a small child, they were happily chatting to each other. A man offered her a seat and she said 'no', clearly, just one word. The man rolled his eyes at another male and said 'well I tried' in a loud voice. The woman had done nothing wrong: 'no' is a full sentence, but the man seemed to expect more. I was very impressed by the woman, saw her with her child on other occasions, they chatter away to each other in a heartwarming way. So, OP, I agree that people take offence where none was meant.

I think that was the point of the segment- people taking offence- it wasn't about feminism.

@Pudmyboy

Yes I am a bit sceptical as well. I was on a bus where a young mum got on with a small child, they were happily chatting to each other. A man offered her a seat and she said 'no', clearly, just one word. The man rolled his eyes at another male and said 'well I tried' in a loud voice. The woman had done nothing wrong: 'no' is a full sentence, but the man seemed to expect more. I was very impressed by the woman, saw her with her child on other occasions, they chatter away to each other in a heartwarming way. So, OP, I agree that people take offence where none was meant.

It wouldn't have hurt her to say "no, thank you, we're fine".

I very rarely use buses but I would probably offer my seat in those circumstances- I've done so on the underground and it's been accepted.

OP if it isn't about feminism.

Why have you posted this on a feminist board

And

This bit is clearly about angry cartoon Feminists

'I can't remember the exact words, but she shouted something along the lines of ' I'm not weak, stop assuming I am' etc.'

It may be true it may not. I personally would put a tenner on not.

Why post on this board though?

@Theunamedcat

It was an offer not a demand she should wind her fucking neck in and learn to say no thank you

She sounds like a twat

^ this

@ThisIsNotAMill

Visibly pregnant and a baby?

I think it's more likely she wasn't pregnant, just carrying postpartum weight and was upset and reacted badly.

I can remember an electrician who was doing work on our house when ds1 was 4 months. He looked at ds then looked down at my stomach and said 'gee you'll have your work cut out with such a small age gap!'. Nope, not pregnant and I was so upset at the time.

Yes, this! I remember the delivery guy asking me when baby was due and I said baby had arrived. So much embarrassment.

I don't think this is much of a story. I had training years ago about visual impairment, the trainer had been completely blind since birth. He told us to always offer help to any blind people we see crossing the road etc. He said that sometimes we would offend the person and maybe get an earful but we would be immensely helping the people who did accept so should carry on offering anyway. Basically the benefit of the help hugely outweighed the risk of offence.

It was great advice that I have applied to all sorts of situations since.

I don't believe it happened.

I'm overweight and was once offered a seat out of London which I gratefully accepted. I then realised that the man who'd offered had thought I was pregnant.

I kept the seat but ditched the unflattering blouse.