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Original poster

I'm an alcoholic

96 replies

owlets · 16/05/2010 17:29

I'm typing this with a glass of cheap wine in my hand
I feel so useless. I know I need to give up. I want to give up, but I can't seem to get there.
This morning, after making a fool of myself the night before yet again, I swore I'd not touch alcohol at all today, yet here I am at half five with my drink.
(I don't have any children yet, before you start worrying about them. If I keep on like this, I never will. What sort of mum gets drunk and falls over regularly?)

OP posts:
iloveasylumseekers · 16/05/2010 17:33

I have a dear friend who is an alcoholic. She finally admitted it to herself at the age of 29. She went to AA and has been sober ever since (now five years) - it has completely changed her life. It's only since talking to her post-AA that I had any idea how much control alcohol had over her life (and I lived with her for two years when her drinking was at its heaviest). So sad. But it is possible to change; I am so proud of my friend - and admitting the problem was the first step - a cliche but true.

ADuckCalledBill · 16/05/2010 17:34

Owlets, you know you have an alcohol abuse problem so I'm guessing you now know what you need to do about it. I'm not experienced in this but AA are. Could you find your nearest meeting and go? Of course it isn't that simple but you sound like you need to take the first step and I think that's the right one. I wish you luck.

Original poster
owlets · 16/05/2010 18:50

Thanks.
I know what I have to do. This has been an issue since I was 17 (12 years ago). In the past I've tried to control it - only allowing myself to drink on weekends/every other month etc. It doesn't last. It sounds stupid, but it's only recently I've recognised how abnormal this is (as a drinker I surround myself with other drinkers). There's an AA meeting near me tomorrow. I'll see if I can get there (busy at work).
x

OP posts:
iloveasylumseekers · 16/05/2010 18:55

Best of luck. The AA phone line is useful - they will often be able to arrange for someone to meet up with you ten mins before the meeting starts to help you find your feet. I know my friend did this 100 in 100 thing where she went to a meeting every day for 100 days - different venues etc - as she needed such intense input to help her through the worst of the first couple of months of sobriety. She was amazed at how different the meetings were in feel and style - and how many people from all walks of life were there. It's also apparently quite normal to hate every minute of the first few meetings before you get the hang of it.

Thinking of you. x

willsurvivethis · 16/05/2010 20:00

Sounds like you've so far been trying to control the drink (by controlling how much/when you drink) and that doesn't work. it also means you are still partly in denial.

When you realise you simply really will need to give up completely to are ready for AA.

llareggub · 16/05/2010 20:07

You've made the first step in that you have admitted that you have a problem. WHy don't you call the AA right now? They will find someone to meet you before the meeting as a previous poster said.

When my DH was drinking a member came round to our house and helped us through some of the practicalities of detox. It is very important not to just stop drinking cold turkey if you have a dependency problem.

My DH has been sober for 4 years now and still goes to AA regularly. We still have a social life, we still go to parties and we're still able to have alcohol in the immediate vicinity! AA have been marvellous and they you'll find all sorts of weird, wonderful and absolutely normal people there. In fact, it will be just like any other group of people.

llareggub · 16/05/2010 20:08

I should add that it is dangerous to just stop drinking. You should see your GP too.

Original poster
owlets · 16/05/2010 20:16

thanks again. I'm not sure I can call this late on a Sunday, but will do in the morning.

I used to try and 'control' it. Now I feel I finally understand the reality of my problem.
I don't feel in denial right now (although I appreciate acceptance has to be a long term thing - can't claim that on day 0)

Its good to hear about 'normal' 'loved' and 'sociable' people who have done well through the AA. One of my problems is that i'm dead shy until I have a drink (and after that too much )
I know it will get better. It's just hard.
(and also bloody selfish)
x

OP posts:
Original poster
owlets · 16/05/2010 20:21

Sorry, crossed posts with you llareggub. I can't call my GP. I had to fight really hard to get things off my medical record. if I go to see him with drink problems, everything else goes back on.

OP posts:
DEPECHEMODEFANISBACK · 16/05/2010 20:23

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expatinscotland · 16/05/2010 20:24

Please, please see AA if you can't see your GP.

Lots of people can't because of it going on their records.

Original poster
owlets · 16/05/2010 20:31

i live in central london. There are loads of AA meetings within easy distance of me. i have told DH I will be going tomorrow. He says he loves me and will walk me to the door if I want him to. I am so lucky with him.
Depechemode (my favorite band as a teenager...) I drink between 1 bottle and 3 bottles of wine on a night in. Maybe 5 on a night out. Fucking terrible.
x

OP posts:
BrokenBananaTantrum · 16/05/2010 20:34

It is possible to stop i promise you. I know because I have and have not had any alcohol for 9 years. I used to drink 6 - 7 bottles of budweiser everynight and then on thursday / friday / saturday nights it was more like 10 or 11 plus lots of vodka.

It is really hard to stop. Don't kid yourself. I did it myself but I think AA might have been a better option.

At first I had to avoid situations where I would be tempted to drink which was a PITA but eventually worth it and can happily have a night out now without.

I found it important to know why i drank. As it happens I was very depressed but did not know it. I was given medication for the depression which also meant that I couldn't drink as they reacted with the alcohol.

Its tough at first but you can do it. I still smoke and would like to quit that too but its hard.

Is there anyone in RL who can help?

DEPECHEMODEFANISBACK · 16/05/2010 20:39

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onepieceoflollipop · 16/05/2010 20:43

owlets I just want to say that I think you are being very strong posting on here and also being open with your dh. It is hard to admit that alcohol is a big problem for you.

I work in mental health and don't have issues with alcohol personally, but do see a lot of people that are affected by alcohol.

Just wanted to add my support really, please try and seek help via AA or your local Community Alcohol Services.

Best wishes xx

Original poster
owlets · 16/05/2010 20:45

My husband recognises I drink too much, but that is good for him. He is a bit of a 'see no illness - there be no illness' kind of man. I was abused by my grandad when I was a kid and he can't hear me talk about that.
Although I have a bit of a reputation with friends as a drinker they don't know the reality.
Glad to know i'm not being shot down for not going to the GP.
Will def go to AA tomorrow.
Thanks
x

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 16/05/2010 20:47

owlets so so sorry to hear about the abuse. In the future you may want to consider some specialised counselling?

Good for you for being open and honest.

Original poster
owlets · 16/05/2010 20:58

Thanks for sharing all your experiences. I'm not sure how to give up bit by bit, but i'll look into it (1 drink = 15 drinks to me).
Will post tomorrow about my AA experience. Sorry if this is asking too much, but please log on to see how I did.
xxx

OP posts:
willsurvivethis · 16/05/2010 20:59

Owlets I was abused too - by a teacher. My dh is loving and understanding but talking about it with him is not easy. I do talk about it (sometimes when the urge is strong enough to overcome the shame) talk about it to my counsellor and one or two friends.

You need counselling. That lack of self esteem that you cover up with drink was caused by the abuse. Once you learn all the rotten pernicious ways in which it did that you will get a lot stronger.

onepieceoflollipop · 16/05/2010 21:02

owlets I will be back here tomorrow to see how you are, am sure others will too.

llareggub · 16/05/2010 21:03

If you won't go to your GP, will you ring one of the helplines? It is really, really, very dangerous to stop if you have become alcohol dependent. It can be fatal.

You need to cut down gradually. DH did it over 3 or 4 days and it was very important to do it in this way as alcohol withdrawal can lead to fatal seizures. As it was he had severe shakes, sweats and slept a lot. He was also on medication.

Now for some practicalities. Drink a lot of juice, lemonade, anything sweet to keep your blood sugar levels up. Buy in a load of sweets too. Our AA person came to the house armed with juice and a copy of the big book (AA literature) and it was exactly what DH needed to get him through that first week.

DEPECHEMODEFANISBACK · 16/05/2010 21:38

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DEPECHEMODEFANISBACK · 16/05/2010 21:47

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Original poster
owlets · 16/05/2010 21:55

Well done for not drinking depechmode. \I really respect you for that x
going to bed now. will be back in the am. thanks all for the wise words, I'll update in the morning.
You internet people mean so mucvh to me. you really do. xx

OP posts:
Headbanger · 16/05/2010 22:42

Just dropping by to wish you luck...