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I'm an alcoholic

96 replies

owlets · 16/05/2010 17:29

I'm typing this with a glass of cheap wine in my hand
I feel so useless. I know I need to give up. I want to give up, but I can't seem to get there.
This morning, after making a fool of myself the night before yet again, I swore I'd not touch alcohol at all today, yet here I am at half five with my drink.
(I don't have any children yet, before you start worrying about them. If I keep on like this, I never will. What sort of mum gets drunk and falls over regularly?)

OP posts:
owlets · 17/05/2010 08:48

Good morning.
I'm about to go to work, but wanted to pop on here first.
I'm feeling really positive today. I've written a list of all the good things that giving up alcohol will bring (It is too long to post up here, but inspiring to me).
I've looked on the net for a list of foods I should be eating to aid recovery, but can't find anything. I'm just going to eat lots of extra fruit anf veg. Take some multi vits, and drink lots of water. If anyone knows more about what to eat, please let me know.
I've discovered there aren't any AA meetings for 'beginners'near me until Wednesday, and I'm really busy this week, so can't travel too far. I think I'll be ok till wednesday.

Thanks everyone
x

OP posts:
DEPECHEMODEFANISBACK · 17/05/2010 11:25

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BrokenBananaTantrum · 17/05/2010 14:29

Hi Owlets. just popped on to see how you are doing.

owlets · 17/05/2010 18:17

Thanks for the link Depeche Mode. It looks like a great site, and I'll explore it properly later this evening.
Today has been great. I'm actually really excited about not drinking. I know I'll have downs at some point, and I'll have to deal with them as they come, but this is the first time I've tried to stop without it feeling like a wrench. (I know this is a bold statement to make on day 1, but I'm so happy to feel positive for once). I have thought about booze today, but it's not been overpowering in the slightest. I just tell myself I'm not drinking and remind myself about the good things that will happen when I'm recovered.
So I've got myself a nice healthy dinner for tonight, and then I'm going to go to bed with a book. It's been a while since I've done that!
Thanks for popping on to see how I'm doing. It's really kind of you.
x

OP posts:
llareggub · 17/05/2010 18:21

Well done Owlets. I've been thinking about you and how you are doing.

I'm not sure if you saw my post about drinking juice and eating sweets? It isn't for nutritional purposes as such but is supposed to keep up your blood sugar levels and help you cope with the cravings.

DH suggests taking Vitamin B12 too.

BrokenBananaTantrum · 17/05/2010 19:07

Well done you owlets. keep feeling those positives.

DEPECHEMODEFANISBACK · 17/05/2010 19:09

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owlets · 18/05/2010 08:02

Morning again.
Well I've made it to day 2... I slept ok last night - was a bit clammy and woke up a few times - but I feel more 'with it' this morning than I often do. No headaches or anything yet.
Thanks for the advise on keeping sugar levels up llareggub. I'll keep some boiled sweets in my bag for the timebeing. I'm going to dig my smoothie maker and juicer out and make myself some drinks this evening.
Another busy day at work today. At least it keeps me occupied (I'm self employed and often mope about when I've got nothing to do)
Will take it one day at a time. (at the moment my 'long term goal' is to stay sober at a wedding I'm going to on Saturday. I've been given a 'job' at the reception though, so again, something to distract myself with)

Thanks again everyone for checking up on me. I really appreciate it.

Owlets

OP posts:
llareggub · 18/05/2010 08:40

Well done you!

One day at a time is good advice. Some people like to use one hour at a time, in the beginning. Are you off to the meeting tomorrow night? Make sure you help yourself to some of the AA literature when you are there.

BrokenBananaTantrum · 18/05/2010 09:04

Well done it is great to here your progress. I am really pleased for you.

Have a good day

DEPECHEMODEFANISBACK · 18/05/2010 09:17

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MIFLAW · 18/05/2010 12:40

Well done so far, Owlets!

Do come to an AA meeting, it may make all the difference and you have nothing to lose. If you like I will come with you (I am in Crystal palace but happy to travel) - if not I am sure someone else on here will take you, or phone the helpline (24 hours) and they will send someone round.

Most of all, really do keep it one day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow, let alone the weekend. Just focus on today.

Happy to talk more if that would help.

Sean

willsurvivethis · 18/05/2010 15:54

Owlets I'm with you on the managable target setting. I've had binge eating disorder since I was about 7 and have not binged for the past 4 weeks or so. Crucially I also haven't dieted. Taking it a few hours at a time still. So far today my aim was to make it to Tesco and back without buying binge foods, I know the rest of the day will be fine as I will mostly have company. Tomorrow I will have a new toarget.

It's really not that different from alcoholism. And caused by abuse too.

Keep it up - but small bits at a time.

owlets · 18/05/2010 19:16

Right, I've made it back to the flat without buying any wine, so looking good for tonight... A simular achievment to you willsurvive! I have a bit of understanding of binging too. For me its normally a reaction to a one off issue. Emotionally the two are very similar, especially my style of drinking - once I start I drink a lot very quickly. I wouldn't be able to drink a bottle of vodka slowly during the day, iykwim. Well done for you for getting through a month. At least with alcoholism you can avoid situations where drink will be served. Do you see a counciller?
I'm going to AA tomorrow near my work. I'm a bit nervous, but I'm determined not to chicken out. I think I'm mainly worried about there being someone there I know (although thats silly when you think about it) Thanks for the offer Sean, thats really kind. I'm in North Islington though, so completely the wrong side of London.
Thanks everyone, and well done to everyone getting through similar issues to me.
Will update after tomorrows meeting!

OP posts:
CJCregg · 18/05/2010 20:50

Owlets, sorry for barging in but I've been lurking for a while. Another happy, sober member of AA (two years today!) and I would just like to reassure you that a meeting isn't nearly as scary as you might think. Having said that, I was terrified! But everyone was lovely, friendly and welcoming.

I don't know where you work but there are several really good Central London meetings on Wednesdays. Let me know if you'd like any recommendations.

You're doing brilliantly. You sound very calm and sure of what you're doing!

bluejeans · 18/05/2010 21:03

DEPECHEMODEFAN glad to see you here again, sounds like things are going really well for you, that's brilliant well done! (I was on your thread last year)

Owlets - sorry for the hijak, best of luck there is some great advice here

expatinscotland · 18/05/2010 21:05

Bravo, owlets!

MIFLAW · 18/05/2010 23:27

You're welcome. The furthest I have travelled to date specifically to help someone out is Haringey Green Lanes ... but that was a friend.

I should also reassure you that, in eight years of attending meetings (the last seven of them continuously sober) I have only ever once bumped into someone I knew from "outside the rooms" (unless you count people off the telly who, of course, I didn't know as such, just wasn't expecting to see). It was a mate from primary school, about a month after I started attending. We had both been dragged back to our home town by the consequences of my drinking, both approached AA at around the same time, and so, with one meeting a week in the town, it was sort of inevitable ...

But, as you've already worked out for yourself, we were both there for the same reason so it really didn't matter.

MIFLAW · 18/05/2010 23:30

Hope meeting goes well. Whatever you do, try to stay to the end, try to talk to people, even if it's just in private after the meeting, try not to think "I can't do this" or "I don't agree with that" or "this isn't me" because I promise you there are as many ways of "doing" AA as there are people in it ... and most important of all, try to keep coming back, at least until you have a better idea.

MIFLAW · 18/05/2010 23:32

Sorry, one last thing.

"What sort of mum gets drunk and falls over regularly?"

Lots of mums.

Drunk mums.

Sad mums.

Desperate mums.

Alcoholic mums.

Well done you for trying to sort this out before you're one of them.

willsurvivethis · 19/05/2010 08:06

Owlets well done - you're on the right track.

My binging is even more like your drinking in that I have always done it for as long as I can remember so it no longer is a response to specific feelings, it just prevents me feeling anything IYSWIM.

Yes I see a counsellor, a special sexual abuse one. My eating comes up, but it is a side effect not a cause and we treat it as such. It is easy to get obsessed with it.

I hope you get to the AA meeting - if you are ready to say in your OP title 'I'm an alcoholic you are ready to face up to it.

expatinscotland · 19/05/2010 08:53

Oh, may I recommend the Celestial Seasonings range of herbal teas for your new evening tipple?

The Tension Tamer and Sleepytime ones are superb and really work!

No calories, either (well, I add a naughty spoonful of honey).

owlets · 19/05/2010 22:30

Hi.
Just to let you all know very quickly before I go to bed (have barely had a min to myself all day) that I went to a meeting tonight after work and everyone there was very friendly and welcoming. I'm going to go to another on Friday too.
Thanks for all the mesages and tips. Too tired to reply at greater length and have another stupidly busy day tomorrow, but I still really appreciate all your comments.
I'm looking forward to starting day 4 in the morning!
Night.
Owlets

OP posts:
Ozziegirly · 20/05/2010 04:52

Well done, it's a wonderful first step you have taken.

I second the sweets and juice. Honestly, don't worry about food too much, have whatever you fancy, whether it's sweets or oatmeal.

My DH has been sober in AA for well over a year now, and he said that someone once said at a meeting "I've stopped drinking, but I"m eating 5 kitkats every day" and someone said "until you're waking up in the park, surrounded by kit kat wrappers with no memory of how you got there, it's probably ok".

When DH first stopped drinking he would sit and eat a whole pack of sweets in an evening, and still lost weight - now, over a year later he eats a perfectly normal diet (although he can still go through a whole pack of Tim Tams, but who among us can say they haven't?)

You're doing great, you've turned an amazing corner in just admitting that you have a problem and seeking help. Many people will never be able to do that.

My DH found that throwing himself into AA really was the way to go - meeting every day, put life on hold for the time being, taking other members' phone numbers so you have a lifeline if you think you're going to drink. Then over time, find a sponsor, start doing the steps.

DH is a changed man (well, he's an improved version of the wonderful man I married!) but he is no longer anxious, he is confident, happy, very self aware.

You're doing so well, good luck with it.

MIFLAW · 20/05/2010 10:47

Fully endorse what Ozziegirly says. I drink too much coffee - but I've never been barred from Caffe Nero's or fallen asleep in my latte at Costa ...

When I started in AA I was worried about everything - drinking, smoking, an unhealthy relationship with fruit machines - and was given the advice, "why not work on them in the order they are killing you?" Sure enough, I fixed drinking first (with the help of AA) and the rest followed. Another piece of advice I found very useful was, "give time time."

Only thing I would say is that there are lots of people in AA who do not have a sponsor or formally work the steps who are happy and long-term sober. I do recommend the steps but, if you find it hard to imagine yourself ever doing them at the moment, don't worry about them. Again, if and when the time is right, they will come and, if not, it isn't necessarily the be all and end all.

Well done again on such a positive start.