Am I an a**hole for having a few drinks at night?

[Caththerese1973]

Hi
I'm a single mum of a lovely daughter, two and a bit. I feel a bit guilty cos usually I have about 3-4 drinks after she goes to bed. Not enough to get drunk or hungover. But I still feel guilty as I am sole carer and ought to be sober all the time I guess.
Shite, it can be hard. Anyway.

if you aren't drunk, you aren't dependant on drink and you are sober enough to cope with an emergancy, what's the problem? I used to do it once a week when I was a single mother, sometimes with a mate round, sometimes on my own. Single motherhood can be bloody tough - you deserve time out.

3-4 drinks every night is a little excessive and not good for your health nor if you are prone to it depression .. could you maybe make it no more than 2 and not every night

and yes its tough, but its very worth it

how big are the drinks and what is in them?

how big are the glasses even!

i know how you feel! i have two sons 1 and 2yrs and im single its the only thing that keeps me sane knowing that when they are in bed i can have a couple of glasses of wine

yeah - three four drinks is a bit much, and to be honest I don't have that much every night. Always have at least two though. Biggish glasses of red wine. I watch videos or write (I have creative writing ambitions, I'm afraid!)

so do you drink a bottle of wine a night?

I know lots of people do, although it isnt recommended. God it is hard though, i understand why you do

You enjoy it girl - that is your way to unwind and relax.
I always look forward to my one drink at the end of the day (am breastfeeding). I am sometimes already looking forward to it at lunchtime

I should insert a halo smilie after my last post as I have been known to get into very bad habits with drinks. I am having a particually restrained period atm

Nah Fio2 I would rarely drink a whole bottle of wine in one night! I am in Australia and here (they don't seem to have them in England ) you can by wine by the cask, four litres, really cheap but decent. I have worked out mathematically that on average I have about three 'standard drinks' a night, as it takes me about ten-fourteen days to drink the four litres.
The 'standard drink' for a glass of wine though seems to me incredibly tiny, like 11 mls or something absurd.

Lol at tessie bear by the way. I would never have more than one drink while b-feeding and I really missed being able to drink a bit more. I have noticed that my whole drinking habit has totally chnaged since I had a baby - I used to drink to get smashed, a lot of the time, but now that urge has gone. I'd like to say that this is because my dd is so beautiful and miraculous (which she is) but the truth is I just can't face getting up early with a hangover!

i think that sounds fine - don't be too hard on yourself. you are doing a really, really hard job.

i think it sounds fine too!

i was dreading it was going to turn into one of those threads

Hi there caththerese, I 'm in Australia too (Perth) where abouts are you. And I have at least on big glass of Margaret River red 5 nights a week so cheers

Did anyone see Trevor McDonald last night? I was just about to open a bottle of wine and changed my mind when it came on. I was really shocked that the liver is such an amazing organ that you can still function with about 80% of it gone. So by the time people present with liver disease, it's too late.

TBH Caththerese, I think it's too much. It doesn't make you an arsehole, but you should try and have at least one or two days a week which are alcohol free. It's all too easy to get into the habit of seeing a daily drink as a reward for a hard day. And if you cut down, it'll be much more of a treat. Also, to constantly have alcohol in your blood is very depressing without you realising it, and can sap you of energy.

Could you do something else to relax you? Herbal teas, a nice bubble bath, grown up soft drinks? You could still have a couple of bottles of wine a week, but they'd be more of a treat and less of a habit.

I might open that bottle of wine later on though!

Hi, I've just arrived in Australia too. I had to leave my partner behind in the UK, so I'm on my own here, in Sydney.

TBH, what you're drinking doesn't seem excessive to me (3 glasses over 4 or 5 hours?). If somebody who didn't ever drink wine suddenly had 3 glasses in one night then it would be too much, but if you are used to having a few glasses then it's probably just relaxing for you. If you feel in control, don't feel drunk and are capable of dealing with a problem, then don't beat yourself up (as long as you are being honest with yourself).

It's a tough life being on your own with a child - I've spent most of my daughters life away from my partner and it always amazes me how much simple it gets when there's somebody else there. You're clearly a good mum to your daughter, but if this is making you feel bad how about stopping it and doing something else in the evenings? A home study course or something? If I'm studying it never occurs to me to have a glass of wine, the two just don't go together.

Hi, I was so wound up and worried about what other people thought(pregnancy police !) and the shock stories circulating during my first pregnancy. I wouldnt even take a paracetomol for a splitting headache.
During my second and third pregnancies However I was a much happier person. I allowed myself a glass or two of wine or beer if I fancied and sometimes 3 or 4 glasses. I think your body is a great judge in itself. It reacts differently when you are pregnant, so If you normally have a drink or two, do what feels ok. Also my son from my second pregnancy is the brainiest and politest, well loved child around.

hey don't beat yourself up for wanting a couple of drinks! I agree with most of the others that as long as you feel ok then that's fine. If you are worried cut down a little or have a long drink that you could dilute a bit more, like a spritzer. if it makes you feel relaxed and have a better sleep though, you're probably happier. and i think happy mum - happy child! any way off for a couple of shandies myself now!!take care. x

hi Caththerese1973 no you are not bad for having a few drinks......I have four and love a tipple when I have put them all to bed at night.....I need it....LOL

P.s sorry Caththerese1973...I do have a husband but he works fulltime and shifts....so sometimes feel like I am on my own with the kids....so understand how you feel.

Caththerese, I'm definitely with Wino2 on this one. If you are still compus mentus enough to deal with an emergency, I shouldn't worry about it. We all worry far too much IMO, which I think is FAR worse for you than having a few drinks. Just think about all those meditteranean and french women who've slurped the ol' vino for centuries without any ill effects. Chiiilll out.

cubby totally agree with your post

Thanks peeps for the responses. My own view is that it's acceptable from my kiddie's point of view as long as I am merely 'relaxed' and never drunk. But obviously drinking everyday is not ideal health-wise. I have had a couple of drink-free nights this week, mainly because I have to read a novel that I am teaching (recently got part-time job, hurrah!).
For SuzyWong's info, I am living in Joondalup. What a lovely surprise to find a mumsnet member who lives in Perth! Maybe we should have coffee!
For poster who suggested I do a course of study....I gotta tell you I recently finished my PhD! Not that I am dissing that suggestion on the general level. But now that I have finally finished my PhD, the big question is: WHEN is my mother going to have my daughter overnight so I can have a big party, strictly grown ups only, and get, well...off my face?!?!!!!

Can I just say well done you! I can't imagine getting the housework done if I was a single parent, not to mind doing a phd! I am full of admiration for you and will raise a glass to you later on when I too am drinking too much (at least you don't have a smug partner to raise an eyebrow when you are pouring your second glass )