Please tell me I'll be ok....

[BeckyBendyLegs]

Hi, I've been saying recently how much better I am but last night I had no sleep and was telling DH I wanted to end it all. He's gone to work now. I have to get up three DSs and get them to school, nursery, and look after DS3 5 months and I just want to sleep but I can't sleep. I thought I was better. I've been sleeping so well but last night it all came back to me, insomnia. It was horrible. I just feel so that life isn't worth living if I have to suffer this insomnia and the DSs and DH would be better without me. I know that isn't rational, I know I don't think like that when I've had enough sleep, but right now I can't face the day I feel dizzy. I guess I just want someone to say you'll be ok.

That's interesting what you say because my ultimate worry is my parenting of DD and how lack of sleep affects it (more impatient etc.). I'm already worried that I've damaged her emotionally because of how I was when she was first born (traumatised, basically), and this plays on my mind and I feel a lot of guilt.
BUT I'm looking forward to the spring/summer and enjoying her and am quite looking forward to starting on solids - a new adventure.
It's been a good week with only a couple of minor wobbles.
Most of all I have my personality back and people are commenting that I am 'me' again!
Have a good weekend!
I'll report back after the CBT.

Hi there, last night I went out to a friend's house and came home at 1am (the other friends there stayed longer)! I had a fantastic time, laughed more than I have in months and months, felt brilliant but guess what? Could I sleep when I got home? Yeah right! I didn't panic though, I felt a bit anxious but not too bad. I slept in bits during the night until 7am and feel like crap today but I'm trying to see it as just a hangover / late night thing like I would have done before DS3 was born. I used to take late nights in my stride but now they seem so much more. I'm trying not to worry about tonight, I really don't want to go through all that again. As both of you have said, Arcadia and GetDown don't view nights in black-and-white terms as 'good' and 'bad'. Just take it in your stride.

Wishing you well BECKY and hope you get the sleep you need and deserve.....dont let it get you down....your kids are healthy and beautiful and the PND will improve as time goes on. You strong attitude and determination will keep you going...WELL DONE
Keep in touch with your GP. Hugs XX

Thanks Maltesers I find it frustrating that my friends can just do stuff and get on with life and go with the flow. I used to be able to do that. But you're right, my DSs are lovely and happy and healthy and I adore them to bits.

Hi Becky sorry to hear you had a bad night but I know that a big night out would be the same for me - too much excitement basically! Did you drink? That would have affected your sleep too.
My last two nights have been less good so I'm feeling a bit less confident again, and just tired again really. I don't have trouble getting to sleep initially but I just seem to wake a lot in the night. Lucky for me DP has been having DD in the mornings during the week til he goes to work (8.30) so I'm able to sleep in if I've had a bad night but I 'let' him have a lie in today as it's not fair otherwise.
Am really hoping that this CBT will help but realise it could take time. Don't want to keep taking Nytol but I think it helps me to get back to sleep if I wake in the night.
On the bright side, DD is gorgeous at the moment - really becoming a proper little person now! She's been sitting on my knee, and she stares right up into my eyes and explores my face now like she's really curious to get to know me! We have our own little private jokes too and I'm the only person who can really make her giggle!
How is your DS3 doing? Hope he's OK.

Hi Arcadia I did have more than I would normally to drink. I was soooo tired yesterday I was tearful and just crap all day! But last night I slept well (fell asleep watching Dr Who with DH) but had had a glass of wine with tea so am worried that the wine is helping me sleep. If it's not one thing to worry about it's another and I'm fed up of worrying all the time! Sigh!!!!! The trouble getting to sleep and fequent waking has been my problem all along. I do wonder whether it is hormonal as well as stress / worry.

Your DD sounds gorgeous. Five months is a lovely age. They do really start to blossom into real little people now and take an interest in everything and like you I love the fact DS3 gives me the biggest beams when he sees me, makes you feel special