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Original poster

ExP's counsellor doesn't understand me???

16 replies

Flashfried · 26/10/2009 12:14

Brief history...

ExP was EA. I managed to get him to leave although I was still torn and loved him.

He is now seeing a private counsellor for 2hrs, 3 times weekly seems rather a lot I think??? She charges £35 per hour. Not sure I believe him though.

He has lied and manipulated so it's difficult to know what is true and what isn't anymore. He quotes his counsellor constantly - telling me she receives a transcript of all our calls/ texts and e mails - mine and his. I feel my EA is being very much overlooked in favour of his progress.

My question is...would any counsellor, worth her salt, downplay the DV situation or am I just getting his version relayed.

I am seeking help via a woman's aid group BTW .

OP posts:
LaurieScaryCake · 26/10/2009 12:18

What's EA?

Yes, your point of view will be overlooked seeing as she's counselling him.

Put some boundaries round yourself, he's trying to manipulate you by telling you this - don't let him. If he's your ex make him your ex by having little to do with him.

How would you even know if he's being honest with the therapist about the DV?

LaurieScaryCake · 26/10/2009 12:18

And take the focus off him and onto you by nurturing yourself, you have been through a trauma with this wanker.

Original poster
Flashfried · 26/10/2009 12:43

EA is Emotional Abuse...sorry!

OP posts:
Iklboo · 26/10/2009 12:45

Unless you've agreed to supply transcripts of calls/texts/emails to his counsellot he (and she) is breaking the Data Protection Act I think

Original poster
Flashfried · 26/10/2009 12:47

I most definitely have been through enormous emotional trauma with him.

I don't know how honest he is being with his counsellor...that's my point. I would have hoped she might have pointed out the error of his ways re being controlling/emotionally abusive but that part of it seems to be largely overlooked in favour of getting him straightened out - he's has a shitty childhood.

I do need to walk away I know

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Original poster
Flashfried · 26/10/2009 12:51

Would be interested to know whether his counsellor is breaking Data Protection Act...if that's the case, she would know and it's all a pack of lies from him!

He says she reads my messages but I only hear her response via him...Madness I know!

OP posts:
LaurieScaryCake · 26/10/2009 12:55

She is not breaking the data protection act as he could be making all the texts/messages up, paraphrasing it etc

I doubt very much she reads his messages and if she did it would only be to talk about his reaction to it, she would not be focussing on content at all, just his response to it

Iklboo · 26/10/2009 12:56

It might be worth giving the Information Commissioners Office a call here

Original poster
Flashfried · 26/10/2009 13:03

Another point is...Counsellor (according to him) is available to talk to by phone at any time day or night???

So, if I say anything 'upsetting' to him, he gets on the phone and then spouts her advice back to me.

Find this very hard to believe, after all he only pays her £35 an hour - isn't he expected to pay for her time out of hours, or is this all part of the service with private counsellors?

As you can see I belive very little these days but just need t clarify a few details for my own sanity.

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 26/10/2009 13:15

I don't know the back story, so apologies if it's obvious, but if he's an ExP why are you still in contact with him?

His mental health is not your responsibility. Stop the messages and telephone calls. Try to sort yourself out before you resume contact (if you ever do).

I hope you are getting the support you need

LaurieScaryCake · 26/10/2009 13:30

er no, that is not usual....

Ethical counsellors who are members of professional organisations are not available at all times of the day or night.

He could have found a rogue counsellor who doesn't adhere to boundaries or ethics but it is much more likely he is spouting his manipulative, abusive shit.

run for the hills.

Original poster
Flashfried · 26/10/2009 13:32

No his mental health isn't my problem but just needed some answers for myself I guess.

I have referred to him as ExP but have always lived in the hope he would recognise himself as an abuser (something he has always denied) and get the appropriate help, either alone or with me.

Has now held his hands up to the emotional abuse but his counsellor seems to be patching him up/making him strong and not having much to say regarding how he might have made me feel.

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colditz · 26/10/2009 13:33

I doubt very much that he is telling the truth.

And it doesn't matter one iota. I am assuming you aren't considering going back to him.

bumpybecky · 26/10/2009 13:41

have you any real evidence that he is seeing a counsellor? other that his word for it? can he evn afford the £210 a week? I suspect he's making it all up and is talking bollocks.

Either way though, I think you need to step away from the situation. If he's going to sort himself out he has to want to do it for him, not because he knows you'll only have him back if he does (hope that makes sense!)

Original poster
Flashfried · 26/10/2009 13:47

No I haven't clapped eyes on him for 6 weeks so have no hard evidence of him seeing a counsellor

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Original poster
Flashfried · 26/10/2009 15:41

Have now decided, once and for all, absolutely no more contact and really, really stick to my guns this time. I can't waste any more of my valuable time trying to second guess his plotting and scheming

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