I have my appointment with the psychiatrist on Friday

[WigWamBam]

And I'm terrified and just need to off-load.

My GP has referred me because he says he can't change my medication (I'm on 40mg Citalopram)without referral to a psychiatrist, but from what he tells me now, the psychiatrist won't really want to see me because they're not really interested in straightforward depression. They are only seeing me because they have to (new guidelines on one particular medication) and not because they feel that they can help me. That's made me feel really wonderful about wasting the psychiatrist's time just for a change of meds that the GP isn't able to do.

I was hoping for a good, positive session with the psych but with my GP saying this, I can't see it happening now. To add insult to injury, dh was going to be coming with me for a bit of moral support, but he forgot and has now arranged a business trip for Friday.

I was feeling really positive about this, as I've been waiting for a couple of months for this appointment, but now I feel I'm just going round in circles. If the psychiatrist isn't going to want to help me, who will?

I feel as if I'm just going round in circles

Thats a really good idea actually LGJ

writing things in a little notebook is great to get your thoughts in order, and its really useful to look back over too. It helps you spot patterns in your behaviour and triggers.

My PP had a troubled relationship with his father who by all accounts would appear to be a bit strange and I am being polite here.

His F used to send him letters dripping in vitriol.

PP used to pen equally vitriolic replies and then burn them, thus having had the satisfaction of

a) Replying

b) Retaining the moral high ground as people thought him so dignified, in the face of such abuse.

Enjoy the rest of the day WWB. Mega hot here in the south!

MMMmmmm I'm a little concerned about you Wigwambam - well done for the appointment. Do you feel a little as though the dentist has exposed a nerve but isn't going to fill it (so to speak)? It sounds good to have a plan to change the medicatons which hasn't actually been done yet! and depression surely needs to be followed up with why you are depressed not just in a one off appointment - is she going to follow this up with more appoints with her??? i don't see the point in waiting to see if the medication will fix things (which I can't see it fixing everything) if you really need to delve into the route of your depression.
How do you feel about all this?

I don't want to put a dampner on the postive things which is you went to the appointment with the right attitude and the meds are going to be changed. However, what now I feel?????? If you don't want to go into this, if its too upsetting, just don't reply to this but I am just concerned you are going to be feeling a little exposed and open without adequate support!

I'm so pleased it went well WWB, and if she took a full history it sounds like she did give you the time that you were hoping for. It's important that she did so that she can understand exactly what's going on, rather then just concentrating on the here and now.

Your reaction is perfectly normal, lots of our patients used to describe feeling like that afterwards. Be kind to yourself today and do whatever you feel like doing. And don't for one minute feel silly about being anxious beforehand - that was perfectly normal too, and talking about it here is just what we're here for. Its just all so hard to get things into perspective sometimes isn't it?

Glad to hear the appointment went well WWB.

Do you have another appointment to see her again or was it a one off?

I hope the new med will help and get you back on the up again. Fingers crossed you won't have to wait too long.

have to say i agree with Sax... if your depression is caused by underlying problems then it is those that need addressing before anything will improve.
Yes, medication can help you stabilise and get to grips so that you can deal with the problems... but they will not cure things by themself.

I think you should push to get a referral to a counsellor or someone that you can talk to about your past, and anything else that may be causing the depression.

Thank you starlover - I hope I'm not being too controvertial!! I don't want to talk out of turn!

At the minute, Sax, I don't know what next. Even if I manage to talk the GP or the psychiatrist into referring me for counselling or some kind of "talking" therapy, the waiting list is huge, which is why the GP's first line of approach was ads - he would rather be giving some treatment in the interim than nothing at all. I can't change the ads yet, I have to see the GP for an ECG and some blood tests, and they need the results before they will prescribe the Efexor, so in a way I'm still where I was yesterday, but I'm hoping that the change of meds will at least help me feel better, if only in the short term.

I have to see her again in 6 weeks, once I've been on the new meds for a month or so, although if I have another really bad episode where I find myself counting out my tablets again, I can contact her and she will see me the same day, although I suspect that there's very little she will be able to do except listen.

I do feel exposed at the minute; the raw nerve analogy just about sums it up. Old scars reopening, something like that. My dh knows what the problems from the past are, and I will probably have a talk with him tonight and a cry on his shoulder, but further than that, I just don't know. Although he's got pressures of his own at the moment, which I don't want to add to.

Feel free to off load here if you'd like to! I realise the wounds being open are going to be incredibly hard for you and not wanting to put to much pressure on your dp however you are going to need an outlet somewhere. I will say again, feel free to email me, or off load here, or talk to dp, whatever you feel most comfortable doing. We are all here to support one another and what you are going through is incredibly hard for you. It is a long time til your next appointment and in the meantime you are left with the racing mind of thoughts and emotions which can all get a little much at times. Keep posting and leaning on us as much as you feel you want to or need to. (((hugs)))

Sorry, just re read, its dh not dp!!

He answers to anything, Sax (even "Oi" on occasion)

If it gets too much, I'll post - and thank you for the offer to email you, I probably will.

I'll leave that with you WigWamBam, just remember don't over do things at the moment whilst all this so fresh and the built up stress will no doubt have taken a lot out of you!

Am I just being thick - or if the waiting lists for counselling are huge, why isn't he at least getting on to them while he sees if the ADs will work? And if they do, you can always come off the list and so help someone else get further up them.

How true Prettybird, it makes no sense to me at all!!!!!!!!

Didn't make much sense to me either, but it's probably something to do with reducing waiting lists ... if they don't put people on them then they don't increase.

It may also be down to the fact that he seriously expected the ads to work, and felt there was no point in putting me on a three year waiting list if they were likely to work.

But I say again, anti Ds will help you feel calm, less anxious, more in control to deal with life however they don't take away the cause of depression and unless this is explored it could be with you for years - surely with counselling you can move on once the wounds have been open, talkedd about, explored, they can then heal????

Yes, I know. Unfortunately I can't afford to go privately or I would.

A three year waiting list is rather off-putting. But I will have another go at getting the GP to refer me when I go back to book my blood tests.

I think that would be a good idea, then once referred you can ring the secretary and say you want to go on the cancellations list and can take a short notice appointment (if they have one) but at least you'll be in the system and you never know, it may not really be three years! It is such a shame you were not referred though when you first approached the gp, it is all wrong, the system stinks! As I said before, it makes me very guilty when I have refuse - but I am anxious that you should see someone or at least be on the way to seeing someone. Cat me for email address if you want to contact me!

.... but if he's put you on 9 months ago, you'd now be much further up the list! for you!

wwb, i've been on efexor, as has my dh. if you need to know anything about it, just ask. or if you want someone to chat to, i'd be happy to listen {{hug}}

How did you get on with the Efexor, lilaclotus? It's not one I've come across before.

well i didn't like it much as it made me (and dh when he was on it) quite emotionless, but it was better than feeling really down and suicidal, i guess. i went off it after a year when i felt a lot better and really struggled to get off it as, like dh, i had these weird electric shock like things in my head after having the dose lowered. that electric shock thing lasted for a month after i stopped taking them completely. obviously this is just my experience. the withdrawal was bad, but i do think they helped to stop me from getting even worse. counseling is what really got me out of the depression though.

Thanks for that, lilaclotus.

i hope i haven't put you off too much :/