I am getting myself in a right state this morning

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

I have my second therapy session and I really really don't want to go.

I have no idea what her plan is for me other than to eventually join a group which I don't want to do and it is unnerving when she says nothing and waits for me to talk. I just don't want to go.

Go, go, go. And say whatever comes into your head. Even if it's 'I don't know what to say, I find these silences really unnerving'. Say you don't want to join a group and you want to talk about why you don't want to join and you want to know her plan for you.

Hiya fab,

I have mine this morning too. First time in a group, I am shitting myself but I am making myself go.

We just talked about anything at all. What I had done that week etc etc.

I am sure you will be fine.

You dafty- get gone!! use the time to speak about whats on your mind.

The reason you find it hard is because youve screwd the lid on your feelings so long that when they do fizz out you cant 'control' the order that they come -thats why she stays quiet so you can choose what to talk about.

Its an hour in a day of 24 and that hour can really help you get your feelings in order.

Go and treat yourself to a posh coffee after.

Having been through various forms of therapy I can totally empathise. It is difficult and you will probably feel shit later on after talking about things but in the long run you will feel so much better I promise.

Agree with treating yourself to something after you have been to today's session - you deserve a treat

Good luck Fab, you don't know how you'll really feel or what you will talk about until you actually get in the session. The main thing is giving yourself the opportunity by actually going there.

It does get easier. Stick with it.

Fab, I'm so, so much better from my months of twice-weekly therapy. Please throw yourself into it - just talk. It doesn't matter what you talk about, just talk.

I have seen a couple of therapists before and always felt like I didn't want to go and having to go made me feel worse. Made me feel like a victim and made me that I had to go because of what other people had done to me.

I feel so stressed today, and tired, and sad and lonely.

I felt like that, Fab, but see if you can turn your thinking around to 'now I'm taking control of that bastard black dog and doing something to get him to bugger off for good'.

Sorry you are feeling awful, FAB. Please do go, and tell them exactly how you feel about the therapy -- and how you feel "that I had to go because of what other people had done to me".
That might be a good starting point for the talking.

best wishes

FAB iirc I am near you and dd1 at schoolt his afternoon so if you want to meet for a coffee/cake I'll be more than happy to meet (will have to bring stroppy dd2 though)

I told her what I had told you guys and she was very sweet and said she would need to think about things so that she doesn't end up making me feel worse like other counsellors have.

I feel she gets me a little bit more now.

The only time I ever get tearful is when I talk about that little girl who was so lovely but was taking from people who wanted her, left with people who didn't, and never felt good enough so that someone would love her.

I can't, I won't, accept that that little girl was me.

Well done for going! And well done for talking. You're a star!

You are taking steps to change your life. Keep at it and be strong. You can do this.

I have been through worse but it is so hard and if I knew how it would all end, then maybe it would be easier.

I just don't want to be on my death bed and still be hurting.

I'd just like to add - try to have faith that your life can improve and you will feel happier.

That is hard as for so long everything went wrong.

In another 10 years I will have been with DH longer than I lived without him and I am hoping that will help.