Depression support thread!!!

[spookycharlotte121]

Just thought this might be useful as there seem to be lots of people who have depression on here. We could check in with oneanother and help each other through the bad days.

not sure if this has been done before but I thought it might be helpful.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

The shaking and nausea pretty much wore off by lunchtime, so in fact yesterday wasn't as bad as I expected.

My GP gave me a list of exercises, and I wondered if this would be useful - particularly for you WTWTW as you've got a hectic weekend ahead.

It recommends making a written list of things you'd like to achieve for the day, not aiming too high, then you start with the easiest and tick things off as you go. At the end of the day, you can see how much you've done.

The general idea is to focus on the positive, think about what you have done and not what you haven't.

I know it's easier said than done
Remember to be kind to yourselves!

I am amazed how much better I feel now the ADs are starting to work. I went to a baby group today (I have been avoiding them for the last few weeks) and chatted to some mums and had a nice time. It also helps that DS2 is getting more settled now- he's 11 weeks so starting to be more alert and interested in looking at things.

Pleased to hear things are improving for you, pulapula

How is everyone else getting on?

Hello everyone,

Hope everyone's doing alright today. It's so good to find other people who are also on Citalopram - I've been on it about a month and I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with it. I took it 10 years ago and it gave me hideous panic/anxiety. I'd forgotten what it was like until I started it again this time. I went from feeling a bit grim without meds, to feeling mentally ill on them, IYSWIM. I was ok for the first day, but the second day I had terrible anxiety and was really fidgety and agitated. My doctor had prescribed valium to get me through the beginning but it didn't help entirely.

I am starting to feel better - at the moment I call them my "sod it" tablets because I can't be arsed to worry about anything, which makes a change from my overthinking everything. But like wheresclaire said, I have noticed that I can't cry. Before I started on the drugs I would probably be in tears every day or so, but I started to get really worried when I went to see a "My Sister's Keeper" and I didn't cry once. I think it might just have been a shit film though, because I watched Anne Frank the other day and cried like a baby afterwards, so am not totally broken, thank god.

Does anyone else do this awful thing where you think of the worst thing you can, then tell yourself you shouldn't/mustn't think it, and then think yourself into an anxiety attack because you can't stop? Have been referred for CBT for this...

Also - does anyone think their depression stems from a shit childhood? I think I've tried so hard to overcompensate for mine that I've burnt myself out since having my DS, 11 months ago.

Have been having some counselling to deal with my relationship with my parents and it has helped, I think.

Hi Pulapula, I've been on Citalopram for just over 2 months now. Yes, I lost my appetite. I've always had a really healthy appetite before then and for the first time, I had to make myself / remind myself to eat. Also, for the first week of taking the drug I felt more tired than I've ever felt but my gp warned me b4 I started that the side effects would slowly start to wear off and I should start to feel better in 4 - 6 weeks. He was absolutely right. For the first time in months of deep depression, I started to feel like my old self. I've wake up in the morning and feel 'I can do this' not 'how the F&^$k will I get through this day'.

I'm secretly proud of myself for doing something about the depression as I'ts really hard to admit to it and going to the GP and saying it out loud was a huge step. Now I've been on the ADs and can see what they can do, I wish I'd started them ages ago.

Hope this give people hope that things can get better.

xx'

hello all, hope your day is going ok.

I'm struggling with PND at the mo. Seen Gp, referred for counselling but there's at least a 6 month waiting list. Not prescribed AD's as doc said I don't need them (he never actually assessed me/asked me why I thought i was suffering with PND, didn't ask about symptoms etc) but to be honest I'm not sure I'd want to take AD's anyway.

Today is proving to be a really bad day. I have 2 DC's, DD 2.5 yrs and DS 5.5 months. I cry all the time and feel like I'm going to explode some days if that makes any sense.

I'm so worried that I'm not being a good parent and petrified that I'm damaging my relationship with my DS.

I don't know what I'm trying to say here to be honest, just feeling really bad and wanted someone to talk to

Hi Littlemamma,
I know exactly how you are feeling. I have the same age gap between my 2 DSs. I was crying all the time too and found myself talking through gritted teeth with my fists clenched so tight I was feeling so up tight and out of control. It's scary stuff isn't it. The good thing is that you are trying to do something about it so good on you.

I do think 6 weeks is too long for you to wait to get some help. It takes a lot of guts to go to your GP and ask for help and I'm sorry you've not really had a positive experience. Is there any chance of you seeing another GP at your surgery? I find they can vary considerably in my surgery. You could also try and talk to your health visitor as they see this kind of thing all the time and should be able to offer you some guidance.

Don't worry that you're not being a good parent. You are doing all you can to get yourself better and that's much better than living in denial and hoping you will magically get better on your own (which is what I did for way too long). Don't despair and don't loose hope, you can and will get better, you just need the right person to listen to you in order to match the help you need.

Also, please don't rule out ADs if they are prescribed to you as you might be surprised to find how effective they are.

Sorry Little mamma, didn't read your post well enough - 6 MONTHS is waaaay too long for you to have to wait for help.

Hope everyone on this thread can help you until you can get to see someone who can help.

Also, know what you mean about worrying you'll spoil your relationship with your youngest. I never really had the same intensity of feelings for my DS2 as I did for DS1 but that's only because it's impossible to give them as much attention and bonding time as I gave my first child. Take some comfort in the fact that your DS knows no different and thinks that the attention and love you are giving him is absolutely the norm (as I'm sure it is).

have had a pretty shit day today. Both the kids have a bug and havent been sleeping properly for ages and the lack of sleep is really beginning to have bad effects on me.

Last night I rang ex and told him how i didnt feel i could cope anymore and how the kids are just being really difficult atm. His answer was to get them sleeping meds..... there is no way that I am drugging them!

This morning me and the kids all had a long lie in but when I got up I had a pannic attact which was horrible and really frightening. Have tried to call some friends to see if one can come over and just keep me company tonight but everyone is busy.

Im so tired of being on my own and trying to cope with everything.

charlotte- does your ex ever have the kids, and do you want him to? He doesn't sound very helpful at all. Keep trying your friends to see if they can come over some other time- you need their support. Sorry you've had such a bad day.

SpookyCharlotte sorry you're having a shit day. I know what you mean about coping on your own and I've only got one...

Does your ex have the kids overnight at all? It does sound like you need a break.

spookycharlotte I hope you're having a better day today and that you have managed to rally the troops to give you the support you need.

I feel for you and am thinking of you xx

am having anohter really bad day. am just sat here crying. I forgot to take my citalopram last night and feel so bad..... i dont know what to do..... i really cant do today...... i cant breasth properly and im all fidgety and shakey......i really dont know how much more of this i can take.
my mum said she was going to come over but now she is doing something with my sister instead, even thoug im desperate for hellp.

i just dont know what to do with my self right now...... i feel so awful...... cant do this anymore and noine in rl cares that im literally at breaking point.

Dear SpookeyCharlotte-so sorry you're really having such a rough time at the moment

If it's any consolation, so am I. Yesterday I had a panic attack just after waking-just wanted to go to A&E and ask them to take care of me. I rang my ex to ask him to come over to look afer our son so I could do just that. He suggested I take a valium (got 3 left from last visit to GP)and he'd call back in an hour. Well, i did that and managed to calm down, enough to feel I could just about cope with the day. Also, I had arranged a sleep over for my son and 2 of his friends that night and didn't want to cancel.

The mornings are the worse for me. I always wake wih a sick feeling of dread and a sort of gnawing pain inside me. It's mental but almost feels physical. Sometimes IIneed to wretch over the loo (nothing comes up) but it briefly relieves the pain.

The pain tends to subside a bit towards the evening.

I wish we could all help eachother-I live in London-probably far from you to be any practical help.
All i can say Spookey is that i do understand, and I hope for both (all) of us things will one day be brighter/lighter
I spend nearly all day at the moment sleeping/lying down trying to block out the negative thoughts running round my head.

Thinking of you

Just checking in to see how everyone is today.

spookycharlotte and faigle hope you'e both feeling brighter today.

I find I feel a lot better when the sun is shining (as today)

Thinking of you all xx

Can I join please? Am just marking thread as busy with dc but will read through and post later .

Hope everyone is ok.

I'm now past the worst of the symptoms starting ADs, but I have noticed the following:

• I've forgotten how to walk up stairs. I have to concentrate really hard to get it right
• Went out at the weekend to a bar - I think the ADs must intensify alcohol. My friend was absolutely fine and I was drunk

As for mood, I still feel quite flat, but I'm not crying over silly things and it has given me the strength (if that doesn't sound too daft) to start thinking things through. Follow up appointment with GP on Wednesday.

Well I have been on ADs for 4 weeks now, and feeling much better, although not back to normal quite yet. Saw GP this morning, and got another 2 months worth and she says in general you stay on them at least 3 months after you start to feel normal and then think about coming off them.

i'm just wondering how long in general people expect to be on AD's for. Am now thinking that perhaps it may be best for me to go down this route but am very nervous about it and the length of time I can expect to be on them! (I understand this might differ depending on severity of depression)

Hope everyone's doing ok today x

Littlemamma- I have PND and expect to be on ADs for about 6 months but guess it might be longer.

You know what? I honestly thought that once I was on AD's everything would be fine. But this week I have gone down again.Why arent the pills working anymore? My son asked me tonight why I have turned nasty again. I cant seem to get my head straight. Been thinking about leaving them all again. What kind of life is it for them when Im screaming at them all the time? They deserve better. So tired of having to hide this from the real world. I cant let DH see me like this. He just doesnt understand. He just tries to cuddle me and kiss me when he sees I'm down but I know its all just a front. He is just annoyed with me like everyone else.

Sorry you're feeling down again wheresclaire.

Do you know what it is that's causing you to feel depressed? Have you been referred for counselling/CBT?

I was referred. But I kept putting it off. I'm so scared of what will come out of my mouth. So many things are going on in my head that I just cant say out loud because they will see what an evil person I am and take my children away.

The thing is though, that CBT might help you to see that you're thinking irrationally.

You aren't evil, you're just in a hole and you need help to get out of it. They won't take away your children just because you're depressed.

I also think you should talk to your DH about it. You think he's annoyed with you, but that's what you're projecting onto him. His behaviour, cuddling and kissing you, doesn't suggest he's annoyed. You'll get through this, but it will be much easier with his support. And he can only support you if he understands - and he can only understand if you talk to him.

Hope that doesn't sound too patronising

Are you feeling any better today?