How do you know when you are actually going to lose it?

[ABitWrong]

I have felt close to the edge so many times.
I don't seem to be able to be okay for very long.
Will I suddenly find it is too late?
I don't know how to keep coping.

I don't know what the problem is ABitWrong. What are your triggers? I used to feel close to the edge, and sometimes I still do, although not as frequently as I used to. I read a book that totally changed my life. It's called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I love the chapter on 'Breaking free of the pain body.' It's really helped me to be conscious and to choose to step out of my unhappiness. Every chapter of the book is like...wow! I find meditating really really helps me to be in harmony with my life. I now meditate even if it's for 5 minutes. Just breathing in and out. It's better than 'me' time. I can even meditate when I'm at the bus stop when ds is crying and the bus is late. I don't know if this helps.....er.... please tell me to shut up.

Sometimes when I feel 'the feeling' building in my chest or head I think "OK, I know what's happening" and then I try, if I can, to change the focus. Walk away from the source - fi it's external - or do something different, or send the dcs to watch TV (we call it the Square Babysitter) while I grab a bit of me-time.

And often it works, just helps me not tip over. And once I've not tipped over, then it all passes much faster and with less 'hangover'.

HTH

...What does HTH mean?

HTH - hope that helps

Thank you.

I think I have just reached saturation point.
Last week I told my partner I wanted to break up, after years of being too cowardly. It was a really big thing for me to do but now I suspect noything will actually change. So this may be limbo or it may be forever.

I felt fucking shit before this.

I have bulimia/depression/SH cycles which I can't seem to stop.

My mother is coming to stay which always escalates things.

Oh and it is my "partner"'s birthday today. Whoopee fucking doo. Let's all pretend to be jolly.

Can I just curl up and die please?

Life is too short to be unhappy. What is keeping you in this relationship? Weigh up the pros and cons. Write them down. Imagine you are 95 years old and you look back on your life...seeing all the potential you had before you. What would you change? Would you regret wasting so much of your time on staying in an unhappy relationship? What would you advise the yonger (now version) of you. Be your own best friend. Then make a plan on what you want to change and how you can achieve these things. You are beautiful. You are strong. You have the power to choose your future.

er...HTH

I have tried. Taken the first step anyway, but maybe nothing will come of it.
Fed up of having to be a certain way for other people. The whole of life is just fucking acting to keep the peace and not worry people.
Don't see how I will get through this week. Or any of the rest of it.