Think I may have PND help me please

[Pilki]

Right where to start. had my DD 3 and a half weeks ago and since the birth have been feeling low and seem to always be in tears.

I have now got a vaginal infection which isnt clearing up too well and have just got piles.

I seem to find everything really hard work, i don't enjoy spending time with my DD and dread hubby going to work and leaving us on our own, I feel totally overwhelmed with everything. I think back to when it was just me and hubby and wish I had never had the baby as we were so happy before she came along. I can't seem to bond with her and never anticipated how hard it would all be.

I found myself crying in a ball on the floor for an hour today and wished that I was dead so I could get away from it all

I know this isnt normal, I suspose what Im asking is if this is just normal baby blues or should I be making a doctors appointment.

Sorry for rambling
Hope it makes sense

[TheHumanTorch]

make a docs appt. talk to friends and family. find help. youll be ok, it is hard. feel for you XX

[TheHumanTorch]

its bad enough having a baby let alone lots of other worrying health issues. You will get better, its early days.
But you need to talk to a professional ASAP.
promise you'll get help tomorrow?

can you phone HV too?

[2hours]

Actually, it is quite normal! It's very early days for you. It's all totally overwhelming & also relentless. Your husband's gone back to work...it can feel like the longest days in all of time & groundhog day every day. Your hormones are all over the pace. You're tired out.

It's totally normal to look back and thing"why the fuck have I done this?" life was so easy & lovely before...that's becuase this little person has taken over your life and your time/space/freedom/routine.

So it's all within the realms of what millions of women feel after having a baby.
But you DO need some help...do you have family/friends who can help out? Have you told hubby how you feel or someone close? You MIGHT need professional help if you find your GP or health visitor helpful; speak to them. TRY to sleep/rest as much as possible. GIVE IN a bit to the fact you can't do certain things....sit on the sofa, eat cakes & watch DVDs for hours. Don't try to clean!

Talk on mumsnet loads & REST ASSURED that it GETS LOADS EASIER and you will bond with DD and look back on these days very soon wondering why it felt so bad!

[TheHumanTorch]

Pilki...are you there./........

Ive linked your thread to my PND expert mate, Macdog too she'll be on soon I reckon.

Keep talking to us!!!

[Pilki]

I'm going to see my health visitor tomorrow as she has a clinic tomorrow pm.
Just find it so hard when hubby is so great with her and has bonded so well and I feel like such a fraud.
Think I might make a doctors appointment too to see if she can help. Think I was puttin off doing it as had visions of doctor taking baby off me as I feel like I can't cope.

I thought this was going to be the happiest time of my life, so think that is why it hurts so much.

Can't understand why I feel this way.

The stupid thing is instead of bonding with DD and playing with her etc Im obsessed with keeping the house clean and tidy, I do the whole house every day and even when Im doing it I know it's stupid and it doesnt need to be done.

Thanks Ladies, sometimes it helps to be able to put your thoughts into words without being judged.

[marymungoandmidge]

Pilki - It is still early days...Having your first is a total shock to the system. You spend months willing the day to arrive,and then frankly (and guiltily)wonder what its all about - particularly when you don't feel the incredible bond. Talk to you partner, your family, and your HV...I think you'll find that as the days and weeks go on your hormones will settle, you will feel more confident and soon will be feeling like your old self. But you MUST - look after you - eat well, try to nap with the baby, and get out and about for a walk every day. Visit friends and have them to you - one baby is quite portable...
I remember when my DH went back to work after one week at home I absolutely hated him. I thought he was a B*stard...how could he leave me...I was terrified! Of course, it all seems so amusing now, but really don't worry we have all been there. Most get over it in a matter of weeks...All the best!

[TheHumanTorch]

the cleaning thing is you wanting to feel like you control something. totally normal

dh/dp s always waltz in from work and stop the baby crying instantly, thats a given.
they are full of stuff like 'oh how lovely to just look after a baby all day etc etc etc they dont understand

they would NEVER take baby off you for feeling down...else theyd take everyones...

[talking]

I felt and still feel a bit like you (the overwhelming bit).

I contacted Homestart (as recommended by another mumsnetter). They send volunteers into your home for a few hours a week to help and talk with you. They can talk to you about how you are feeling and take the baby off you for a hour or so, so you can have some time off.

I feel better (DD is nearly 15 months). It takes time to get used to being a mum. Please see your GP/Health Visitor and tell them about the crying.

[Pilki]

Im going to try and start eating again, never really got my appetite back after the birth.

I have tried talking to my mum but she seems to think I should have DD in a routine already and that makes me feel even worse. Every day is different for DD and I don't really feel comfortable trying to push such a young baby into a routine.
Im the first of all my friends to have a baby and they don't have the first idea. i broached the subject of how I was feeling with one of them and she looked at me as though I had ten heads x
Hubby is fantastic , he really is, he takes over as soon as he comes through the door.
It just prays on my mind that he is back at work interacting with people etc and when he comes home Im looking awful covered in baby sick with no make up and a body that neither of us recognise crying and I don't know why he stays with me and Im just waiting for him to leave me, I would leave me at the moment. I don't recognise the person I've turned into. I used to be the life and soul of the party always laughing and having fun, always with my make up on and a suntan and loving my clothes, now I hate going out, ignore my phone all the time and look like a tramp. I just don't know where I've gone, and I don't like the person who has taken my place x

[TheHumanTorchIsDeniedaBankLoan]

its such an emormous life change
you will slowly start to feel better
he does not expect you to look sexy!
you've given him the greatest gift ever
now you need some time for your head to catch up to your body!!

in a few months another one of your friends will get knocked up and then you'll be the wise advisor. one baby often inspires more you know !

[talking]

Hi Pilki. Sounds like you are where I was a year ago. Seems like you are all over the place. I live in north-west London but still felt v isolated.

[nicsnigsnags]

Hi Pilki

My dd is 3 weeks too, she is my 2nd dc, have a ds nearly 4

I do know how you feel, I feel close to tears at everythng, don't remember having this with my ds

I am also trying to re-establish breastfeeding but having problems with that as I am taking stong painkillers for gallstone so feel guilty as well as everything else

Had a really tough pregnancy but sometimes wish I was still pregnant as I would be able to rest and not have to deal with dd only ds who is of course more independant now

I am concerned I may be sliding into pnd but don't really want to face up to it, was panicing when dh went back to work even though it's my second dc

haven't mentioned any of this to dh as don't want to worry him

hope you feel better soon and speak to your hv and gp, take help wherever you can

[TheHumanTorchIsDeniedaBankLoan]

my mum was the same BTW. just ignore. they mean well but add to the feelings of uselessness!

my mum nagged at me to potty train my dd way before she was ready. I still take what she says to heart too much.
gotta go bed now, keep us posted with how you're doing girl XXX

[Pilki]

oh nicsnigsnags you sound like your having a tough time too xx

I guess it's a complete change to your life, better go as DD is screaming (it feels like it never ends )

Will let you all know what health visitor says tomorrow

Thanks again for listening and replying, it's good to know Im not alone x

[talking]

Hi.

Just wanted to say, don't let the Health Visitor fob you off with any nonsense. You need support and being told that it'll get better in time isn't enough.

[kalo12]

contct MIND. i had free counselling there for pnd and it was brilliant.

its very common, and babies are really hard work and its the hardest job in the world and no one has prepared you for it.

tell your dh to take some time off work if he can

take care. you will get through it.

[nicsnigsnags]

thanks pilki

hope all goes well for you tomorrow and you get good advice

[wobbegong]

Felt so sorry to see your post. It is totally normal to feel overwhelmed. There are thousands like you. Have a look at this thread if you don't believe me:

Overwhelmed with new baby- tell me it is normal to feel like this

NL, who started that thread when her baby was just a week old, posted a happy thread a few months later when things got back on track. It doesn't seem like it now, but the same will happen for you and, as everyone says, you will get through it. There are some great day-to-day tips on that thread, regarding not doing the cleaning (!), eating properly, resting, calling in reinforcements to help, going to your GP if it really doesn't get better etc. etc. Yes it does feel like the screaming will never end- you are so right!- but it does, trust me, it does get better. Fingers crossed for tomorrow with the health visitor and do come back and let us know how it goes.

[Macdog]

Hi Pilki.
So sorry to hear things are bad for you. You are doing a fantastic job.
having an infection will be knocking you for six on top of everything else.

Glad to hear you are going to see your HV. I sincerely hope that she can offer you some support, after all that's their job.

Make an appointment with your GP and have a chat with them too. Ask if there is a counselling service you can be referrred to.

Have a look in your local phone book/Google search and see if there are phone lines set up in your area for support.
(For example Parentline)

The Samaritans 08457 909090 are always there if things are getting too much. (trust me when I say I didn't have to look that number up anywhere - I know it by heart).
They will listen to you and I found that just getting it off my chest helped me to calm down.

When you are on your way back from HV this afternoon, why not make an appointment to have a trim at your local hairdresser, or buy yourself a treat. A little something just to reward yourself for being so fabby!!

I'll keep an eye on this thread and see how you are

x

[Pilki]

Hi Ladies

Well I feel a little better after a couple of hours sleep, but still cried when hubby set off to work.
I was lying in bed last night thinking about adoption (know it's mental) made the mistake of mentioning it to hubby this morning and I think he is probablu disgusted with me now.

I take hope in the fact that other people have found it hard and that it does seem to get better after three months. Just hope we can make it that long

The annoying part is that when Im thinking my irrational thoughts I know that's what they are Irrational! but I can't stop myself thinking them.

I sometimes feel like just ending it all as I can't bear the thought of the rest of my life like this, and then there are other times when I know that it's crazy to even think that way,

We were told that we might never conceive naturally so for hubby me behaving like a mad woman is probably doubly hard as we never expected to do it without IVF.

Think what has made me worse though is the infection and also the fact that I have had a migraine for the last 24 hours, which isnt helped my DD screaming none stop.

Thank you for all the replies, will post when I have been to the health visitor, although sitting here in my dressing gown I worry about going to see her as I worry about baby needing feeding when we are out or baby crying when we are out. Or just looking like a really useless mum.

[Macdog]

You are doing a great job.

Hopefully you will get the support you need.

MN really helped me through some horrible times, and I hope you find the same support and help.

[Macdog]

Have a look at the Mumsnet page on Mental health help here, might be something there that can help?

[wobbegong]

You are not going to look like a useless mum. Trust me, your health visitor will have seen it all before.

Good luck.

[Pilki]

Thanks xx