Think I may have PND help me please

[Pilki]

Right where to start. had my DD 3 and a half weeks ago and since the birth have been feeling low and seem to always be in tears.

I have now got a vaginal infection which isnt clearing up too well and have just got piles.

I seem to find everything really hard work, i don't enjoy spending time with my DD and dread hubby going to work and leaving us on our own, I feel totally overwhelmed with everything. I think back to when it was just me and hubby and wish I had never had the baby as we were so happy before she came along. I can't seem to bond with her and never anticipated how hard it would all be.

I found myself crying in a ball on the floor for an hour today and wished that I was dead so I could get away from it all

I know this isnt normal, I suspose what Im asking is if this is just normal baby blues or should I be making a doctors appointment.

Sorry for rambling
Hope it makes sense

[Macdog]

How did you get on with the HV?

[Pilki]

Hiya Ladies

Well I went to the health visitor. Think I must have got myself all worked up walking down because as soon as I got into the room with her I started crying. She was lovely and really nice but Im not sure how much sense I was making. I was trying to let her know how down I was feeling without sounding like a nutter.

I was in with her for a good 20 minutes. And apparantly there is some test that is done for PND at about 8 weeks? Well she is coming to my house on Friday and we are going to do the test a little early then and have a proper chat about how I am feeling. She also advised that I made an appointment with my doctor which I did which is for Friday PM.

Probably makes no sense but I feel better just knowing that she is coming on Friday. Plus I think it made me feel better that she didnt look at me like I had two heads.

She said that these feelings are really common with new mums and that the first six weeks are the hardest.

Anyhow when I got home I got a bit upset again (not even sure why I got upset, could cry at the drop of a hat these days) and my mum came round to cheer me up or else I would have got on mumsnet earlier to update.

Thanks for everyones support, at least now I know that I have the visit on friday to focus on.

Does anyone know what the test is about for PND and what types of questions she will be asking ???

[ouchitreallyhurts]

Hello Pilki

its the edinburgh postnatal depression score calculator - basically you have a piece of paper with lots of questions on about how you are feeling and day to day things. you have to circle or underline the choice that applies most to you and then the HV tots up the score to see if you are likely to be suffering from PND. Pleas try to be honest when you fill it in (its notoriously tempting to lie, esp. if you are having a good day!) but if you are truthful you will get the help you need.

also, if you visit this charity's site you can find some useful resources such as a GP letter to take with you if you struggle to find the words, a leaflet and a message board. Run by the same people who ran pni-uk, fern britton's old charity

First 6 weeks are most definately the hardest!! it will get easier but please rest whenever you get the chance as being tired will make you feel worse .

[ReneRusso]

Hi Pilki
you've done really well, just admitting to someone that things are not going well is a great first step to feeling better. Glad the HV is coming to see you. Hope you can have a rest or sleep whenever the baby sleeps and put everything else on hold.

[Macdog]

Well done Pilki.
The first step is always the hardest.

You're doing well

[Pilki]

It did feel like a weight off my shoulders, felt crap admitting that there was a problem but good that now it's out in the open something will be done to deal with it xx

Thanks for your help ladies xx

Will update again when health visitor has been round on friday xx

[Macdog]

Once it's out in the open it stops festering.

Takes a lot of courage to talk to someone, so well done girl, xxx

Now go cuddle your bub and your man

[Pilki]

Now that's a very good idea Macdog x

[wobbegong]

Well done Pilki
xx

[Macdog]

How are you feeeling today?

[littleboyblue]

Hi Pilki I've been on anti-depressants for just over 3 weeks for PND. I have 2 ds's. Ds1 is 21 months and ds2 is 14 weeks. And it is quite hard!!
I think I had PND after ds1 was born, but somehow managed to live in denial and push it from my mind. Now there's 2 of them, I find that I haven't got the energy to keep a brave face and to pull myself out of the down times. The AD's are really helping. I decided to take them because it dawned on me that I wasn't thinking or acting like a normal person

After ds1 was born, like you, I found it very hard to bond with him and kind of concentrated all my efforts on keeping my house clean. The reason I think was because all he did was cry! The whole time he was awake, he cried and cried and cried, so when I got to the point where I didn't know what to do and couldn't take it anymore, I would do some housework and it kind of took the guilty away that I couldn't comfort him, if I was in the middle of something, he had to wait a minute iyswim?
He was also alot calmer and could be comforted by dp which really upset me, I felt like the biggest failure, especially as I'd tried bf also, but couldn't do it.
I did get alot easier, and I felt a huge rush of love for him when he was about 5 months. Now he is a very happy, loving little boy, who isn't shy with his hugs and kisses, always has a smile for everyone, and doesn't seem to be affected in the slightest that I found it very hard in the beginning.
Just to show you how quick this stage is over by and how quick you forget it, we started planning another dc when ds1 was 7 months old. I fell pregnant 2 months later and was over the moon. Ds2 arrived, and after about 6/8 weeks, all those feelings from before came rushing back . Ds2 is also a mardy-arse. He was very colicky, and now I'm not sure if he may be teething, so he isn't a very happy bunny alot of the time.
The thing that also helps me this time, apart from the AD's, is aslo to remind myself that this is very common. It doesn't make me a bad parent. I look at ds1 especially and I know that these tough early days will all be worth it.

The PND test doesn't always reflect your true feelings. I did one a few weeks ago and it came out I was suffering mild/moderate PND, but I'm not too concerned with test results. I know how I feel.
The questions are just things like, are you able to laugh as much as before? Do you still look forward to things? Has your appetite changed? Do you have trouble sleeping and things like that, so nothing to worry about. The important thing is to answer all questions honestly.
Goodluck with everything. I know you'll get better soon. Your whole life changed overnight, it is very difficult to come to grips with, but you will. x

[Pilki]

Feeling a bit groggy today as was up most of the night with DD who didnt want to sleep. Feel really guilty though as hubby was up too and it's not fair on him as he is back at work. I know that I should be letting him sleep through but sometimes it's such hard work to settle her.

Got my mum coming round again in an hour, think she is going to sit with me for a few hours as hubby is working late tonight.

To be honest still feel quite positive that I have taken the first steps to getting it sorted.

Why is it the nights are always worse?? her crying always seems so much louder and more annoying at night, both me and hubby get wound up more quickly at night too,

He has been so great though and Im so scared of him getting sick of it all and doing a runner (I wouldnt blame him, it's not been great since the birth really) He must be so tired having to go to work every day after sleepless nights .. just not sure what to do really x

[shabster]

Oh sweetheart - the night time is worse because you are tired out and I can remember night time seemed to go on for about 100 hours!!! My DDIL has had PND (grandson is almost 1 now) - emergency csection, sent home 2 days later just 2 visits from midwife, and so the list went on!! She is still taking her AD's but life seems to be improving for her. She has gone back to work and I look after GS every day.

Its such a hard time...take care please and remember the whole truth and nothing but the truth to the HV on Friday

[Brightonrock]

The nights are worse...don't feel guilty at all about dp...you have to have practical support but it is moral support as well isn't it? In the night when they're fussing around it helps to have back up.

Is it really likely that dp will "do a runner" ?! I doubt it.

When things settle down a bit you can make sure he has the chance to meet up with friends for a couple of hours whilst someone is round at your house with you. Little things will help.

Good that your mum is coming. Have a good day & be easy on yourself. Eat well & eat lots (especially if you're breastfeeding...eat cakes galore)

[talking]

Take things one day at a time.

Get out as much as you can. I know it's hard with a baby, but its horrible being indoors. I feel better when i go out.

[littleboyblue]

Try not to feel too guilty about dh. It's his daughter too, ad it's not like you sit at home all day doing sweet FA while he works. Your job at home is just as demanding, if not more so.

In the early days with ds1, me and dp did 2 hour shifts with him, so we weren't both up all night.

[Pilki]

Littleboyblue - I think it's just because her leaves to go to work in the morning looking so tired and I just feel terrible about it.

My mum has just been for a visit which broke the day up a bit

better dash DD is screaming yet again ...........................................

[littleboyblue]

Pilki I know. Been there myself and am now tbh. For quite a few nights now, I have been so exhausted that when either of my ds's have woken p, it's not woken me so dp has had to see to them. I tell him to wake me, but he doesn't, he just moans about it in the morning. A-hole

The AD's seem to be removing all the guilt I feel for everything!

Nice that your mum came over. I hope you took the opportunity to get yourself back into bed for a bit.

[TheHumanTorchIsDeniedaBankLoan]

yeah pilki be selfish and claim all the help you can!! I remember when ds was a few weeks MIL came up to see me and I ran round like an idiot cleaning/cooking. I was utterly exhausted. and credit to her, she told me off and made me go to bed! I did not argue.

don't worry to much about your dh , he has not been through the physically demanding birth process so will not be as utterly exhausted as you by a long shot.

with my dd only dh could settle her at night by walking up and down our (tiny) landing. For 2 hours! I did feel guilty at first but then just fell asleep...

have you got a loose routine for the daytimes? I used to saunter up for a paper as soon as I was dressed/breakfasted. then chill the rest of the day! Just getting out at some point in the morning gave my day a frame. and I was woried about dd crying in the buggy/needing changing at HV clinics etc, once I forgot to take a clean nappy to doctors health check but they had loads of spares. No-one is trying to catch you out, they just want to help.
I figured if I pushed the pram fast even if dd cried nobody would hear it for long in one place IYSWIM

however most babies never cry in pram as they love the feeling and the fresh air.

good luck for tomorrow, rmember to update us all!!!!! XXX

[Noonki]

Hi there Pilki I had PND, it gets easier quick the more help you get.

the best things I did were:

1. talk about it to friends and family about how I was feeling, even saying the words made me feel better.(a third of people get depressed in their life so everyone is aware about depression esp after a baby).

1. When DS2 cried I used to remember that he wasn't doing it to wind me up but because he couldn't speak (basic I know but stopped me getting a bit annoyed at him)

1. lots of skin to skin cuddles (for months I did this and it really helped)

4.DH used to sleep downstairs some nights with earplugs! (then we swapped - though I bf I did a bottle of formula once a day/night)

1. ask friends for help (take baby for a walk for an hour so you can kip)- they are almost always chuffed to help out.

1. earplugs!...seriously.

1. remembering it will all get better.

things that made it worsed;

1. looking for blame (myself/dh/dcs)

2.not eating well

1. Not sleeping/resting at any given opportunity.
2. Not sleeping at any given opportunity

4

i didn't bond well with DS2 for a few months.

I now can't believe I wasnt head over heels about him. skin to skin and time is amazing

it will get better as long as you keep asking for help

[CrushWithEyeliner]

I could have written your post 2 1/2 yrs ago - in fact I did.

I got through it - you will I promise. I swear you will feel better if you get the right help - you are doing the right thing. Please reach out. x

[Pilki]

You ladies are amazing

Reading all your replies I can identify so much with what you have written. I get so cagey about changing her infront of midwives and health visitors as she cries every time and Im sure they are judging me! I know deep down though that they just want to help.

Just had a nap now whilst hubby took over with her.

Getting a bit nervous about the health visitor tomorrow. Im going to be really honest with her though.

Would it be worth mentioning that I have had this vaginal infection for nearly two weeks now and am on my second course of antibiotics and I am still in pain although this could be because I think that the antibiotics have given me Thrush!
Also I have just got piles as well and nothing seems to be stopping them itching or hurting. They are keeping me awake at night as well.

Not sure if health visitors can help with that sort of thing though.

[shabster]

Tell your HV everything. If you get a minute just note down everything you are thinking and feeling. I always find it helps if you have got your emotions down on paper and it helps you to remember them. I always say, when asked, 'I'm fine thanks' when really I would like to say 'I feel like total shite poo.'

Lay your cards on the table with the HV and dont think she hasn't seen and heard everything you are saying a million times before. Good luck and very best wishes. Let us know how you get on. xxxxx

[Pilki]

Will do xx

[wobbegong]

Hi there Pilki

Totally see where you are coming from about feeling guilty about your DH being tired. But now I am back at work I look at it completely differently. He is getting a REST while he is at work, trust me. He is getting a nice commute and a lunch break (hopefully) and to see work colleagues and to go to the loo without having to hurry. You are the one at home with non-stop yelling DD doing extremely hard work! I am sure it isn't a picnic for him, but it's not so easy for you either.

In the early days, my DH and I had a pact. I would go to bed as soon as he came in, and be "off duty" until 1am. (I would do bf if necessary but no nappy changes, winding, settling etc.). I would then do the "night shift", but he would get up early and take her again. Have you considered instituting such a shift system? That would get you some guaranteed sleep too.