Think I may have PND help me please

[Pilki]

Right where to start. had my DD 3 and a half weeks ago and since the birth have been feeling low and seem to always be in tears.

I have now got a vaginal infection which isnt clearing up too well and have just got piles.

I seem to find everything really hard work, i don't enjoy spending time with my DD and dread hubby going to work and leaving us on our own, I feel totally overwhelmed with everything. I think back to when it was just me and hubby and wish I had never had the baby as we were so happy before she came along. I can't seem to bond with her and never anticipated how hard it would all be.

I found myself crying in a ball on the floor for an hour today and wished that I was dead so I could get away from it all

I know this isnt normal, I suspose what Im asking is if this is just normal baby blues or should I be making a doctors appointment.

Sorry for rambling
Hope it makes sense

[Pilki]

Wobbegong - that sounds like a really good rota, I think I might mention that to hubby as it would definately mean that we would both get some sleep xThanks x

[ouchitreallyhurts]

pilki - i too had postnatal piles (they really hurt!) get some anusol if you can from chemist/tesco or if your hv can get a script for it from gp

good luck today - you'll be fine ;)

[ReneRusso]

Good luck today pilki and i hope you have a useful visit from the HV. Let us know how you get on.

[Pilki]

Just waiting for the health visitor now xx
Thanks for all the support x

If the weather clears up after she has been going to try an get out and get some anusol x

Will update after she has been

[wobbegong]

let us know how it goes Pilki xx

[Pilki]

Well HV was amazing. I didnt expect her to be so nice.

We chatted about stuff to do with the birth and labour and the emergency after the birth where I was taken by ambulance to another hospital as blood pressure went through the roof etc and she was really helpful at helping me see things that may have triggered off anxities and depression eg my aunty dying being told we couldnt have children then finding out I was pregnant etc

She is going to come and see me every other week to monitor the situation. I am going to start going to a mother and baby group once a week and try to eat more.

My score on the questionnaire was pretty high (no surprises there!!) but no need for medication yet she thinks.

Also she is going to help with getting the infection and the thrush and the piles sorted.

Feel so much more positive. Sure I had plenty more to tell you but have DD on my arm sleeping so just wanted to pop on and update and am typing one armed.

will come back on when I have both hands free x

[wobbegong]

So pleased to hear that she was good. One hears so much on MN about rubbish HVs, but mine saved my life, she was just fantastic.

Glad that you feel more positive. It will be up and down no doubt but glad that you have been able to talk about reasons and think about things to do to help. There are a ton of tips on the thread I sent you, the most important being take care of yourself, if you don't, how will you look after everyone else?

Sending non-MN type virtual hugs and cheer-leading

[Pilki]

thank you soooo much xxx
I have a tear in my eye now wobbegong xxx

[shabster]

So thrilled that she listened and that she is going to help you. Well done you - hope you go from strength to strength. xxxxxx

[littleboyblue]

That's great news. My hv is brilliant. When I've been speaking to her about how I'm feeling and coping, she is being really good and reassuring. Most importantly, she laughs with me.

Re the piles, I find that if i apply quite a bit of vasaline, it takes the sting away (a bit). I wipe some loo paper in the vasaline pot and then wipe it onto the area, and it also helps after. Wiping is alot easier and quicker. I know far TMI, but that's how I do it. And anusol, and I have been taking some fibresure too.

Hope it all starts to get a bit easier now. x

[TheScarletMacdog]

yay Pilki

[Pilki]

You ladies are fab!!!

Thanks for the vaseline tip!!!

I do think I feel a bit better just for opening up and talking to someone about it xxxx

(Dont think I would have spoken to her though without your advice and encouragement)

[TheHumanTorchIsDeniedaBankLoan]

hooray Pilkington

lots of love XXX

[ReneRusso]

Hi Pilki how are you feeling today? hope things are still getting better. come and grumble if you want to.

[Pilki]

Hiya

Im still feeling really hopeful after speaking to the health visitor although If im being honest Saturday was a bad day.

Everything I did seemed to be wrong and because we were both tired me and hubby got into a massive arguement, can't even remember what it was over.

Trying now to make sure that I have something to do every day, like today Im going to get out for a walk with DD and tomorrow Im going to meet hubby on his lunch break. I don't think sitting in the house day after day was helping IYKWIM. Also going to make sure that i keep on coming on here and writing down how I feel as it's sort of like having a diary.

A major thing though is I think Im starting to love DD, although this is 4 weeks to late at least Im getting there with the love x

[ReneRusso]

Good for you - getting out of the house is exactly the right thing to do, and fresh air will hopefully stop the baby grizzling too. glad you are loving her, I bet she is absolutely gorgeous

[shabster]

You always did love your DD its just too overwhelming at first, too much responsibility, too scary, too.....everything!!! Believe me I still felt like that when I was 41 and had DS4 - overwhelming is the only word

Getting out of the house is the best idea - fresh air for both of you and a change of scenery.

Have you tried writing a 'love letter' to your DH? Just explaining your deepest feelings and thoughts? I always feel better when I write things down. xxxx

You sound like a different person - much brighter - very best wishes xxxx

[Pilki]

Think I might write hubby a letter Shabster, as all we seem to talk about at the moment is DD. Never thought I would be getting into bed at night with bits of baby sick in my hair etc, he probably wonders where the woman he married vanished too x

I do feel a lot more positive at the moment,but the good thing is that Im really prepared to start feeling low again.

Had a really long walk and feel loads better for it,

Totally agree that it is so overwhelming when baby first arrives. Think I tried to fight against it rather go with the flow.

Although Im feeling better still going to come on here and chat if that's Ok as sometimes you ladies are my only adult compnay during the day xxx

[shabster]

LOL I just found 'banana' scented sick down my back thanks to my grandson!!! I am a great fan of letter writing. You can tell him everything you are thinking. Also think, once you are all settled a little more, a weekly date is fantastic. Do you have someone who would have your DD for just a couple of hours while you maybe go to the cinema or just have a walk together?

Really agree with coming onto the thread and just having a gab....it helps with the sanity part of being a new mummy xx

[Pilki]

Morning

Having a crap day today. It was a bad night last night. DD just seemed to be crying for no reason for most of the evening. I checked nappy, fed her and winded her but nothing would stop the crying, still don't understand what would make her cry for so long.

Also don't think that I keep her looking nice and clean enough, I really try but she has a habit of bringing up little bits of milk and although she wears a bib they seem to get everywhere. When we go for walks I see other babies looking clean and tidy and I always feel that me and DD look like we have been dragged through a bush backwards.
She has finally just settled for a nap and after having a little cry in the bathroom and I am tensed up downstairs just waiting for her to start crying through the baby monitor.

Suspose the saying is true - one step forwards two steps back xx

Rant Over

[shabster]

I used to look at other people and think how well they were doing with their new babies....truth is my love I dont know of any mum I have ever met who says 'it was easy!!' Try to be as calm as you can because our children pick up on our every feeling and emotion.

[ReneRusso]

Pilki, i remember the evenings are the worst with a new baby. she is a bit young yet to have any kind of sensible routine, but sometime soon that will improve and you will get your evenings back. perhaps there is no real reason for the crying, its just what babies do best. hope you got some rest today x

[Pilki]

Thanks Ladies

Im off to the Doctors tomorrow morning for some swabs re my infection.
Although I do seem to have some "lumps" on my lady area now. So I googled it and I think that I may have varicose veins down there, not sure if that makes sense at all.
You see I thought that the antibiotics had given me thrush as I was itchy etc (Way too much information sorry ladies) but Im thinking it might be varicose veins now x

Anyways today did get better although I didnt get a spare minute to come on here. Hubby has now taken over for a bit so Im getting a bit of chill out time which is nice xx

Hope everyone else is good

[Macdog]

How are you today?

[Pilki]

Hiya

Im feeling more positive about stuff today.
I seem to be bonding with DD more and can actually look at her and feel love now which is a fantatsic feeling.

The doctor confirmed that I have varicose veins in my lady bits and that the infection looks like it hasnt cleared up.

Yesterday was a bit crazy I ended up putting the baby monitor in the bin as it was making me feel so tense. if DD is upstairs asleep and the monitor is on I have to sit next to it and I get all tense so I threw it away but luckily hubby found it......