I think I have pure ocd...please help

[idontlikethisperson]

I have namechanged

Been going through very stressful situation recently, split with H. The last 3 years have been immensely stressful and I have been holding it all in.

I've been having counselling and the counsellor said that some of my thoughts were obsessive compulsive. Reading into it, I realise that I am actually so.

I have so much shame of the thoughts I have, I find it deeply depressing and cannot cope with day to day sometimes. Takes me ages to get out of the house, carry on with my life with DD etc.

I realised I had episodes of this in the past (I worried I was gay for about 3 years, not because I was but because I could have been, not because I was attracted to women, but because I could be). Now I'm worried I could harm my daughter, or abuse her. Not because I would get any pleasure out of it, but because what if? The thoughts are so distressing.

I realise in other aspects of my life I have OCD traits. Checking the front door several times when I go out, doing a lap of the house a few times to check things are off, checking the plugs are off, checking my bag to see my purse is in it - things that never really clicked until I read about it.

I know they are only thoughts but it makes me feel so sad and affects the way I am with my DD. These thoughts have only sprung up in the last week, I wasn't like this when she was born, when she was a tiny baby - only now. And I love her more than anything.

Why does my brain do this to me? I find it so upsetting.

I know you should let the thoughts just be there. Please tell me exactly how I do that?

I really would like to hear from other sufferes, I feel so awful.

absolutely everyone has unpleasant or disturbing thoughts at some point. with OCD/depression you become very vulnerable to them - almost as if you have an allergy to them - so instead of being able to throw them off, you brood about them, see them as evidence you are a bad person, try and convince yourself you are not a bad person, become more anxious. And so the cycle continues.... these sort of thoughts are a very common type of OCD, but often people feel more comforting disclosing checking/handwashing when they do get help for OCD.

I find it helps me to accept the thoughts as being unpleasant but meaningless garbage, rather than evidence of me being bad or likely to do anything bad. If you are a Harry Potter fan, it may help to think of the Dementors - as seeing the thoughts as something outside your true personality - and something you can tell (metaphorically or even literally to f*ck right off)

I strongly recommend you order this book from amazon right now:-
"The Imp of the Mind - The Silent Epidemic of Obsessive Thoughts" by Lee Baer.

btw 20 mg of Prozac helped me, together with reading around the subject. The general recommended treatment for OCD is CBT and/or medication.

How old is your dd? I had v similar thoughts when dd was about 6 months old and now believe it was post natal depression - it lasted for about 4 to 5 months. I did not go to hv or gp but looking back I should have done.

I would walk a long way round to the local shops because the shorter route went past a pond and I was convinced that if I went that way that I would push the pram into the pond.

After pregnancy your body and brain is going through huge hormonal surges and this affects it. If you can recognise this then it is a step towards seeking help from your gp. Please think about telling your gp what you have said above - they won't think you are mad.

Hi

The doc did prescribe me Citalopram but that was before when I was depressed, and the thoughts hadn't started up again (I hadn't experienced the obsessive thoughts for about 4 years).

I didn't take them, but I am thinking that perhaps it is a good idea.

CBT along may not be all i need at present!

This is it, a strong theme in all my counselling was that I was convinced I was an evil person, just because. There was no feeling of why?

I also tried to control situations or worry about my family getting older, my ex-h cheating on me, all things out of my control.

I so tightly tried to control situations in my life (not in a nasty way, but trying to protect everyone to stop them getting hurt) that I've ended up with this episode!

I am going to order that book now!

Sam, my DD is nearly 3 now.

When I think about hurting her, or abusing her, it makes me feel physically sick. I would rather die than hurt her. But then my brain goes, but what if you did? What if you hurt her? It springs up all these scenarios and I nearly called my ex-H to come and get her because I thought I was an unfit parent.

I know this isn't the case. For example when x has her at the weekend, I miss her terribly. I worry about the food she eats, make sure she gets her naps, kiss her all the time and hug her and tell her how much I love her.

When she looks at me and cuddles me, it tears me up because I feel that I have been disloyal to her or a terrible mother, and I don't deserve to be one. The other day I wanted to run away because I couldn't understand why I felt like this.

I know they are only thoughts. But then I think what if it is a self-fulfilling prophecy? What actually stops you from doing it? Why doesn't my mind make me do it? Am I going to do it? It's living with the fear of what if. I hate it hate it hate it.

Total, I've ordered it now, along with The OCD workbook.....

Total, can you manage your OCD now? Has it gone away or do you still suffer?

It's 95% gone I'ld say, I remain on a 20 mg dose of prozac for the long term (due to my history of depression etc as well). The Workbook is very good, you will find it particularly useful for the checking.

Hello idontlike, I had dreadful obsessive thoughts about three years ago, i thought my DH would abuse the kids, I thought the caretaker at the school would abuse and kill one of the kids.

I think the theme was that I had to be on the look out to protect DC or else something terrible would happen to them. I did go for help to a CBT therapist.

I think what worked for me was the way she questioned me about the thoughts I was having; it went something like this: I would tell her one of the thoughts like, 'DH is going to abuse DS'
she would ask me: 'Supposing that thought were true, what would it say about you?
Me: it would say I didn't check up enough on them.
Therapist: If that were true (that you didn't check up on them enough) what would that say about you?
Me: It would say I am a not really a good mum
Therapist: supposing that thought was true - what would that say about you?
Me: People won't take me seriously or have any respect for me.
Therapist: If that thought was true, what would that mean to you?
Me: I will be on my own, stranded, afraid.

Therapist: Can you see the belief at the bottom of all this. Can you see you are trying to prevent this from happening? You are trying to make sure you never end up in that position, (alone and stranded).

What are the costs and benefits to you of living like this? Obvious really, but write them down anyway.

I notice alot now when i fret too much over the DC, or indeed any other obsessive type of anxieties I get.
I go through that dialogue to check what is underneath it all, then i realise what I am doing to myself.

I know it is really frightening and disturbing, but with practice it really does go away.

Thanks N8sofie

So if I go by what you have said....

My fear is of abusing my DD. Because at the moment, ultimately, the responsibility of looking after DD comes down to me. I have a heck of a lot of pressure on me. the responsibility of going back to work and supporting us, of working out a future. My ex-h is away for 2 months in the summer, so I have sole responsibility for her. I also would never like to loose her, or her dad to raise her or to take away the thing so dear to me. So perhaps I am bringing up all these reasons as to why I cannot.

i.e. because I could potentially abuse her, then I am not a fit parent. If I did abuse her, then her dad would take her away. If her dad took her away i would be distraught. My world would be over. There would be no reason for me to exist. It would prove that I am a bad person. Therefore unable to raise her myself.

Eeeekk. That is so hard confronting that. But when I do, I realise in my rational mind I'm not going to do that. It's just the thought being there. I've got to take the worry away.

Or the thought of marking it as being so terrible. I guess perhaps I should go, ok, that could happen if I did that.

It's awful isn't it. Maybe it's because I am particularly sensitive to anything happening to kids, I love kids, I hate suffering, anything happening to people, evil, anything like that. It's like my brain is battling it out.

It is so tiring.

I am sensitive too especially with chldren.
It's like we look towards the ultimate catastrophe and do our best for it not to happen. I mean, for me it was 'when he does abuse the kids, or the caretaker abuses and kills DS, then the inevitable nightmare has come true. But I know now that these are only thoughts.

I really hope you don't think I am minimising your distress, or telling you how simple it is to stop the thoughts. But I must say, after even one CBT session with the woman I saw, I felt alot better. Of course I continued with her and was able to tell her all the obsessive thoughts that I was having and we got to the route of them.

Hi n8
No I really don't think you are minimising how I feel - I spent 3 years worrying I was a lesbian and laugh about it now because I realise that it was not relevant to me. And because of the fact that it was my anxiety not the thought which was causing me distress? (If that makes sense)

Am feeling like I am teetering on the edge. very fragile at the moment and extremely tired. Doesn't help at all.

The hedgewitch - I am definately consideringr the citalopram. Its starting to interfere with me and my daughter now i.e. I seem to not want to enjoy spending my time with her.

Do any of you find that stress triggers it off?

I feel such an awful person I'm so scared I could do something to my daughter. I would never want to hurt her.

Oh Yes, stress triggers it off for me. I get overwhelemed now and again (usually time of the month) that I am on my own with DC, solely responsible; it's all down to me to make sure they are well emotionally and physically... and i exhaust myself! But I stop it all so much quicker now, with what I i have learned, and i talk to someone i can confide in.

You do sound very frightened, and I know it takes up your energy. but you can get help with obsessive thoughts. Please don't wait any longer to get that help. Talk to your GP - Ask if the citalopram would help to take away the raw fear/+maybe underlying depression. And at the same time you could book CBT sessions to learn more about, as you said "what your brain is dong to you"! But most of all how to actually deal with/stop the thoughts.

I have ocd have had it since i was a teenager, was on meds when teenager then ok for a few years. After dd had pnd which wasnt diagnosed till she was 2, had a nervous breakdown with ocd very irrational thoughts thought nothing was real, worrying i could be like one of the people who go and shoot loads of people in a shop etc. Was on lots of meds for around 2 months, hardly left the house gp had me doped up to give my brain time to recover without thinking about anything, then started weening off meds and had counselling. 2 years on i am still on a small dose of clomprimine have tried to come off it twice but the thoughts start to return - i to find i have more irrational thoughts round time of the month. I would say visit gp and ask for medication before it gets to breakdown stage - i missed out on my dd for around 6 months of irrational thinking

idontlike
i think i know what you are going through!
I am a sensitive person,always trying to do the right thing and look after everyone.
This was never a problem until i had an unfortunate period when several family members died or had other problems,followed by my dc3,ds2 being born and having a babyhood illness which was very frightening.
I was totally devoted to him from the word go and as with all my dcs looked after him 99% on my own.Everything was perfect~except i was terrified he would get hurt and found it v.v. hard to leave him.
Then followed a rather stressful time when i had to leave him and the teacher didn't handle it very well~i was getting stressed thinking if he would fallin the yard,be upset etc and around this time began to feel quite obsessive for example if i went over a branch on the road in the dark was worried it could be a cat,or even a foot or toddler etc and had to drive back to check~but couldn't be sure the person hadn't been rescued etc,and in going back brought up the possibility of another accident etc etc you get the picture!Thats just one of a few things i had to check and keepunder control.

What I'd like to say is,when you are devoted to your dc and very responsible,spend a fair bit of time alone and are v close to them,you can feel as if every small action that you do or don't do for them is going to have a huge significance on them,as if you can alter their life in an instant,if you like.In actual fact dc are resilient and can cope with mistakes being made~for example if,one day you were in such a panic about tipping your dd into the pond that you ran with the pushchair andfell in the pond,well you'd get wet,you'd have a fright and pick your dd up and go home~thats all that would happen!
If you are under stress from the past as well it can tip into obsessive thoughts.
My advice is,try to share the care and responsibility of your dd with a carer/nursery/cm if you can,be confident you are a great mum and itis just stress making you obsess,and take as much stress off yourself as you can in all areas of your life,as the stress goes,so will your thoughts.
Something i also found useful then was doing 1 thing different every day~be it a new outfit every day,a different driving route,a new thing like saying hello to a stranger~just to loosen things up a bit so its not all so rigid.
apologies for the ridiculously long post!!

Hi

Thank you for all your replies, I don't know if you appreciate this but it is helping me alot.

My ex-h has taken DD to see his parents for the weekend. So I've hired some DVDs and am going to do nothing today. I feel exhausted to my inner core, no energy, want to sleep.

I felt teary when she went, but then was ok. Then because I was ok, thought well, shows i am not a good parent!!!

My ex h has been very understanding about this (as he should be). I'm going to continue with the counselling and CBT as long as possible.

I've also noticed that if I fill myself with junk my brain doesn't do so well, so if I eat healthily, I feel better. Hard to do when all you want to do is eat junk!

Any coping strategies? How long will it take to get over it? Or rather this episode.

Postpartum Obsessive Compulsive Anxiety Disorder
Hi I am just wanting to find out if anyone else out there has or is suffering from ppocd? I am finding it really hard at the momment, I really really love my baby and hate these unwanted intrusive thoughts of harming my baby because I never in my life would ever want to do that to her. I have found out that this disorder is alot more common than people think but its just not talked about which is really sad, because alot more could be done to help people like myself suffering, I hope if anyone else is in my position or has been that you would help by writing in this forum. Thanks

nicholejamesk (13 ) 7:33 pm, 12 Apr
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1. help

please anyone help

nicholejamesk (13 ) 7:42 pm, 12 Apr
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1. are

you getting help for this.if not then i really do hope you get yoursleve into your drs and get some help straight away.

skippy33 (333 ) 7:45 pm, 12 Apr
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1. Never heard of it but I did have PND with thoughts

of harming my baby both on purpose and accidents. Like if I ever saw him or another baby on the floor I'd imagine stepping on his head and crushing his skull by accident. That is just one example. It was horrendous. I had counselling and SSRIs. Most importantly I learned to recognise these images as my brain warning me like "watch out don't step on the baby". So I found if I acknowleged that they didn't continue. Almost as if my brain was nagging me and when I answered "yes I heard you, I won't step on him" the it would shut up! Gosh that makes me sound nuts, but it worked.

litespeed (257 ) 7:45 pm, 12 Apr
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1. Hi there

I didnt have the obsessive compulsive part - well it wasnt diagnosed anyway, but as I already have some OCD traits it was probably to be expected lol. I had severe PND after the birth of my 3rd child, and suffered anxiety as well. Are you having a bad day?

pp-girl (12 ) 7:47 pm, 12 Apr
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1. Yes

Thats what I get too I never want to hurt my baby but horrible frightning thoughts come into my head that I dont want to have, I am on medication to help me out with the anxiety sometimes it feels so real that I am going to do something I hate it soooo much and the anxious panic is horrible it had gone away but then I just got back from holiday and my partner is going back to work and I think it has set of my anxiety again, I try and tell myself its just my mind playing tricks on me but its not that easy for the anxiety to just go

nicholejamesk (13 ) 7:51 pm, 12 Apr
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1. Do you have other kids or is it just you and the

baby? While your partner is away and you have anxiety, is there someone who can come and be with you, or someone you can call and just talk to?

pp-girl (12 ) 7:53 pm, 12 Apr
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1. i...

hope you mange to get through this poster 1.i havent been through anything like that but i lost my boy 2 weeks ago.gave birth and he only lived for 20mins.the pain of losing a child is the worst pain you could ever go through...and i hope you have someone on standby for when you get these thoughts,if you dont get someone please.best of luck.

skippy33 (333 ) 7:55 pm, 12 Apr
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1. It is really sad because

alot of people go through this but alot of people dont seek help and are ashamed but why should we be ashamed its something we cant help like a chemical imbalance in the brain, I was severally abused as a child and I think that has also contributed to me having these fears of harming my baby even though I dont want to, yes it does sound nuts but it does happen to some people

nicholejamesk (13 ) 7:55 pm, 12 Apr
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10. I understand what you are going through as I have had the same and similar thoughts. I am currently on medication and have just been discharged from Mental Health. Mine wasn't so much harming but 'seeing things' like severed baby heads when I opened the fridge door and I often 'saw' my babies dismemebered in their cots. It is truely horrifying and, I agree, more could be and should be done to educate and diagnose people in our positions. For me the councelling and the meds help and I haven't had an 'episode' for ages. It is important to get help.

fantalantique (571 ) 7:56 pm, 12 Apr
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11. Are you eating okay? Hunger makes anxiety worse also do you breastfeed? Not a popular thing to say but I find breastfeeding makes it worse. If you are feeding keep an eye out for when the anxiety peaks and see if it relates to feeding.

litespeed (257 ) 7:56 pm, 12 Apr
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12. It is horrible eh another one for me was seeing the baby tumbling down the road in the rear view mirror when driving. Now I tell myself "check the belt, check the door" and I find it not so bad.

litespeed (257 ) 7:58 pm, 12 Apr
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13. I have had the stepping on the baby visual, litespeed - it was awful. It is almost like I think 'wouldn't it be awful if this happened' and then my mind goes on further to see it all play out infront of me.

fantalantique (571 ) 8:01 pm, 12 Apr
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14. Yeah and it takes it further so quickly that you don't have a chance to NOT think it.

litespeed (257 ) 8:02 pm, 12 Apr
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15. You say you are on meds for anxiety - but have you discussed all the stuff you are saying here with health professionals? It must be a terrifying sitation for you at times. I hope that they have also helped you plan out immediate access to support services when you need it e.g. Emergency Psychiatric Services or a Maternal Mental Health team or similar?

graant (79 ) 8:03 pm, 12 Apr
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16. Yes I have been with maternal mental health and it has been good but there isnt enough information for it as alot of women dont speak out about this in fear of being looked down apon it has been happening for a good couple of months now and I have been dealing with it constantly and have never hurt her its just like a horrible intense fear that I just cant shake, when my partner goes back to work it will be the first time iv been completely left alone all day. iv got people to call if i need to but the mental health team think I need to face my fears because thats all they are and I am so scared of doing it thats why the anxiety is so intense, but its sooooooooo stupid I dont want to hurt her so why keep having the fears I havent done anything so why cant i shake it

nicholejamesk (13 ) 8:03 pm, 12 Apr
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17. hey I'm currently on medication was put on it last year while pregnant with #2 I'm pregnant with #3 and still on the meds, I suffer anxiety and panic attacks and have a appointment with maternal mental health this wednesday.. have you heard of them they are wonderful and DO NOT JUDGE you, I was afraid they would think I was a crazy lady and take my baby off me or drag me away in a straight jacket but they are wonderful, I recommend u get ur mw or dr to refer you although I referred myself this time by just ringing them and asking them to help. PLEASE do not think you are alone on this because it is so common. Its a lonely feeling like ur the only one in the world with a problem u wonder how other cope but infact alot of them arent.

3khatz (939 ) 8:03 pm, 12 Apr
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18. sorry we posted at the same time I see u have already been under MMH I think you need to ring them asap and tell them exactly what ur thinking and feeling they will help also are you still under your midwife?

3khatz (939 ) 8:06 pm, 12 Apr
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19. I was really obsessive and had to have things absolutely exact. ie the baby bottles had to have exactly the right amount of water or formula and would just about go nuts if people were not precise with whatever they were doing with my children. But for me the trigger was sleep deprivation and screaming babies, and lack of help from my husband. I adore my children, but will never have anymore because I felt like a different person.

sand-sea-surf (10 ) 8:06 pm, 12 Apr
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20. It's amazing how many of us there are out there. Good to talk about it Did you see my comment about the breastfeeding?

litespeed (257 ) 8:08 pm, 12 Apr
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21. #... Maternal mental health are great but at the same time they havent been through it they have just talked to people that have so I thought talking to people that have experienced this could help me and others over come this I really think there needs to be a support group in place for people who go through this I dont think there is one for this disorder on its own, there really needs to be. One day Id like to help others and maybe even start up a group for mothers to come along and talk about it thats what is hard no one talks people are ashamed they shouldnt be because it isnt your fault getting it

nicholejamesk (13 ) 8:09 pm, 12 Apr
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22. May I ask if you used to post here under another user name?

graant (79 ) 8:11 pm, 12 Apr
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23. #... yeah its weird it does seem to get worse when I am feeding at times!!!! I really would hate to not breast feed as its whats best for her. It almost completely went away then we booked to come home and I think the anxiety has just risen knowing I was coming home and soon nt going to have anyone around at all

nicholejamesk (13 ) 8:13 pm, 12 Apr
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24. MMH wanted to get someone out to help me with my house work but I declined as house was tidy part of the ilnness is neat freak I guess lol I would rather vacuum at midight then go to bed and get some sleep.. its crazy but it cant be helped. I think you need to go see ur GP you cant just let this slide you need help I wished u were in hamilton we could be great support for one another.

3khatz (939 ) 8:13 pm, 12 Apr
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25. The thing is too that there is the disorder but there are just so many different experiences under the one umbrella that it is difficult but, I agree, there needs to be a place where people can talk about their experiences - whatever they are - and hopefully it will let people know that it is actually more common than people think.

fantalantique (571 ) 8:13 pm, 12 Apr
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26. No I havent posted under another name before this is my first thread

nicholejamesk (13 ) 8:14 pm, 12 Apr
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27. Sorry to have asked I'm not doubting what you are saying - it just seemed very similar to a poster that I haven't seen around for a few months. You have my admiration for speaking out and seeking some help - it is not an easy thing to do at all.

graant (79 ) 8:18 pm, 12 Apr
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28. Consider the feeding I really don't want to dissuade you because it might not help you as much as it did me but I'd like to tell you my experience. I breastfed my son, the anxiety was crippling and as a seven year old he has counseling for anxiety himself. His counselor believes my anxiety was a large contributing factor. Breastfeeding was not best for him, nowhere near. My other two were bottle fed as soon as the anxiety started and they don't have his anxiety issues.

litespeed (257 ) 8:19 pm, 12 Apr
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29. i have had it but was never diagnosed. i had obessive compulsive disorder as a child, and still have aspects of it. but after I had my babies, i would go through months of pnd and the worst obsessive compulsive disorder possible...including all the horrible thoughts. i was so scared, even though i knew i could never actually hurt them. It eventually disappeared...I know stress makes it a lot worse

nelsonchic (471 ) 8:20 pm, 12 Apr
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30. I wonder what it is about the feeing that makes it worse? I think that alot of things have contributed to why I have this as i was abused as a young child my hormones where imbalanced before I had my daughter I had a hard birth I think it just trigged it off, I have been going to mmh but would find talking to others that have been through this so much more helpful I live in auckland I hope one day there is a group for people suffering

nicholejamesk (13 ) 8:23 pm, 12 Apr
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31. I think I love her soooooo much thats why I have been so anxious and so fearfull to start with a couple of months ago I was so anxious my body was in constant crippling panic I was shaking an trembling and couldnt sleep for over a week and a half until I was given some sleeping medication which ment I had to express in the morning so she wouldnt get any of that medication, I even got nurses to come to my house just so I felt at ease it was so ridiculious cos I have never and would never want to hurt her but some how my brain tells me but what if you could what if you go phycotic and then the anxiety spirals again

nicholejamesk (13 ) 8:27 pm, 12 Apr
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32. I know that everyone is different but I have had two pregnancies (and three kids) and I have never breastfed ever. For me it was definitely worse when I got less sleep but it was a vicious circle because my OCD meant that I was up till all hours doing things when I should have been sleeping. The first thing my case worker did was ask me how much sleep I was getting (and at that stage it was an hour or two a night and none during the day) and I instantly felt better when I made myself go to bed at 9.00 (that was incredibly early for me!).

fantalantique (571 ) 8:30 pm, 12 Apr
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33. It was nuts when I was really unwell I didnt want the nurse to hold her and do stuff for her cos it made me feel like a horrible mother so I did everything and they just sat and watched it was horrible because one part of me wanted to be there and do everything for her and the other wanted to run and hide so there was no chance I would hurt her even tho I havent laid a finger on her, The saddest thing is she is the most happiest content baby I have ever meet and I feel so guilty I am so lucky she hasnt been affected by my anxiety she is truely such an amazing baby

nicholejamesk (13 ) 8:31 pm, 12 Apr
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34. A friend of mine missed the warnings completely and thought she was doing really well staying up to all hours feeling fine and having a tidy house, until she crashed into full psychosis, very scary. So important to get help early in the piece. Good on you ladies, I have been lucky so far, it really is not discriminating at all, anyone can fall victim to it, and it should be more openly addressed.

hayley777 (9) 8:36 pm, 12 Apr
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35. Things for me were going really well for me also until one day I was on the computer and over heard a lady on Oprah taling about how she had strangled her 5 year old son to dealth, now I dont know how it sent me into a panic abut it did and I started to panic what if I..... I could...... I think having a baby you can get soooo scared because they are so little and fragile and they are your precious little baby and harm could come to them so easily

nicholejamesk (13 ) 8:47 pm, 12 Apr
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36. i think its the fear of 'losing it' that makes the whole thing worse. I KNEW i could never hurt my kids, but there was always that fear of having a mental breakdown and losing control. For me, taking care of myself, asking family/friends for help when i needed it, and just talking to people when i would get frustrated helped a lot.

nelsonchic (471 ) 8:52 pm, 12 Apr
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37. Yeah I think its the '"what if I"turn pychotic and actually do something to my baby what if I lose control. These fears are not out of frustration they just pop into my head I use to feel like I was going to do something I wasnt doing it but man it was such a horrible feeling. Thank you sooo much everyone that is posting in it really helps to know I am not alone and how I can make it go away and get better really helps me too

nicholejamesk (13 ) 8:59 pm, 12 Apr
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38. good on you for starting this thread there is nothing better than talking to others in similar circumstances to your own. We are social beings and generally don't like to feel alone. It is healing to share our stories with others and it helps so much to hear others have similar stories to our own. I know this from my own experiences. Good on you all. I don't have this condition but I really appreciate your sharing in this in such public place. I gain so much more understanding, and that I will be able to make use of in the future as I help and support others, so thank you.

val14 (38 ) 9:02 pm, 12 Apr
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39. for me reading your story #1 with not being emotionally involved, I can easily understand your fears and feelings. To me, it's not surprisin you have these thoughts with what you have experienced in your past. It seems clearly logical that you have such fears and anxiety

val14 (38 ) 9:05 pm, 12 Apr
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40. Here is a really good site And it does work and he offers a money back guarantee if your not happy www.healing-anxiety.com/ I suffer from anxiety, panic, acrophobia and had OCD, but have got over most of that and getting better with the others all the time

madison15 (186 ) 9:06 pm, 12 Apr
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41. about the frustrated thing it wasnt that i felt frustrated when i had those thoughts...it was that i know lack of sleep, stress etc can make the ocd thoughts worse...so by knowing that, if i was overtired or stressed, asking for help did help

nelsonchic (471 ) 9:07 pm, 12 Apr
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42. btw postpartum is the american word for postnatel

val14 (38 ) 9:11 pm, 12 Apr
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43. #... I totally understand what you are saying, and thank you so much for posting Thank you also to the person that suggested that website I will have to save up and try it out

nicholejamesk (13 ) 9:13 pm, 12 Apr
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44. I have also heard That women can also suffer from this while being pregnant, for me I was lucky as I didnt suffer from it until she was around 5 Weeks old. I really hope the anxiousness lessens as I was really relieved when it nearly completely went, I hope I am back in that boat soon and are able to be confident in my mothering, also I worked with children before this happened so as you can imagine it totally crippled me because I am so passionate about looking after children.

nicholejamesk (13 ) 9:18 pm, 12 Apr
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45. you might also find other women out in cyber world who have this but don't refer to it by it's full name, it often just gets called postpartum/postnatel ocd. There are other overseas forums that discuss it eg mumsnet.com

val14 (38 ) 9:24 pm, 12 Apr
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46. thank you so much that helps me alot its good to know I am not alone. I hope this thread also helps others out there that may have had or are experiencing this too

nicholejamesk (13 ) 9:26 pm, 12 Apr
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47. though I do know how you feel with anxiety and not wanting your husband to go back to work. I have had anxiety before and I got attacks when left alone or the thought of it.

val14 (38 ) 9:28 pm, 12 Apr
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48. Hi here is another site that offers Help and you can listen to Claire Weekes here. I hate to see people suffer and that can't afford to get help. Go to the library and get out books by Claire Weekes she will be a great help, but listen to the links on this web site as well www.controllinganxiety.com/dsp_downloads.php

madison15 (186 ) 9:29 pm, 12 Apr
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49. have you been offered any support other than medication eg theraphy or counselling?

val14 (38 ) 9:29 pm, 12 Apr
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50. #16 btw it's not stupid that you feel this way it is in fact totally understandable, what I mean by that is you sound like you are in the high risk area due to your past experiences of abuse, a hard birth and all those hormones. They are just some of the risk factors that make a woman more likely to get this

val14 (38 ) 9:35 pm, 12 Apr
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51. this might be of interest postpartum.net/resources/women-mothers/panic/

val14 (38 ) 9:42 pm, 12 Apr
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52. Thank you so much the website mumsnet is fantastic It would also be great to get some books or cds from the library it would help so much im open to anything, Its so nice to see that there are people out there that care it rarely shows in society today its reassuring knowing theres people there that care thanks so much I hope I am healed soon so I can get on with life and just be happy without the anxiousness being over powering once it starts its almost like it has a snow ball effect and its so hard to stop the ball rolling

nicholejamesk (13 ) 9:44 pm, 12 Apr
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53. Val14 - have you also suffered from postpartum ocd. It seems you know of alot of sites that can help

nicholejamesk (13 ) 9:47 pm, 12 Apr
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54. you're welcome the reality is I'm just 'paying it forward'. I know only too well how much better going through tough times is when you have support. I am also a strong believer in women supporting women. And it makes me feel good to have been able to help someone else out and give them hope so we both benefit from it.

val14 (38 ) 9:49 pm, 12 Apr
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55. no I haven't google is my friend

val14 (38 ) 9:50 pm, 12 Apr
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56. wow how do you know about these sites and this disorder?

nicholejamesk (13 ) 9:53 pm, 12 Apr
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57. here's another that might be on interest www.pregnancy-info.net/forums/Postpartum_Depression/Postpartum_OCD/

val14 (38 ) 9:54 pm, 12 Apr
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58. I just googled postnatel ocd and then postpartum ocd

val14 (38 ) 9:55 pm, 12 Apr
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59. though I did open this thread in the first place as I recognised the name from watching a video on postpartum disorders in a human development class I'm doing.

val14 (38 ) 9:57 pm, 12 Apr
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60. Thank you so much this really helps me

nicholejamesk (13 ) 9:59 pm, 12 Apr
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61. it was a very interesting video which talked about the signs, symptoms and risk factors. That's how I was able to say about the risk factors earlier but everything else that isn't my own experience I just got off google

val14 (38 ) 9:59 pm, 12 Apr
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62. I'm glad I believe you can do this, you can get through this, you have the determination.

val14 (38 ) 10:01 pm, 12 Apr
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63. I am so determined I just want to feel normal again i hate feeling like a bad mother I wish these thoughts would just disapear its so hard to be paitent when its so diabilitating

nicholejamesk (13 ) 10:03 pm, 12 Apr
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64. is that video avaliable online would that be something that might help me realise I am not going to do anything that all it is is a fear. I use to feel like I was getting urges to do thing that was most scariest thing in the world to me

nicholejamesk (13 ) 10:06 pm, 12 Apr
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65. hold onto to that thought and determination 'I am so determined, I want to feel normal'. Write it on pieces of paper. Stick them on your mirror, the back of the toilet door, anywhere and everywhere so that you see them when you get the 'other' thoughts

val14 (38 ) 10:06 pm, 12 Apr

Hi I am also suffering from ppocd I have been talking on another forum I hope what we wrote to each other in that forum might help some people out there dealing with what I am also going through and I also hope you can be of some help to me to. Thank you so much

i have ocd, but each time when i had just had new baby it got much much worse...not that i imagined/thought of harming them, just went into overdrive with contamination issues, didnt want anyone picking them up,touching anything that was the baby's, i miltoned everything.the baby had to be dressed in white clothes because i could milton white clothes and not ruin them ...never had cbt , but am told i need it. currently on 40mg fluxotine a day, have been for last 4 years.... need to wean off, but am scared to now as i get worse very quickly when i come off/lower the dose...but at least the kids have a mum who can sort of function "normally" when im on meds.

btw i had a 9 mth break from meds when i was pregnant with the twins!

Hi ladies

thanks for your comments - Kerrymumbles were you referring to me? or to nicola - sorry I got a bit confused...

But, am having counselling at the moment and only earlier days, was going about the whole separation issue and generally being confused about who I am etc etc etc - however in the meantime this lovely obsessive thought has sprung up in the meantime and is completely distroying me! I didn't have it last week, when she was born, when I was pregnant...but now.

I am wondering whether it is because I really really have tried to ignore all the stuff going on and tried so hard to take the blame of everything on me, whilst raising my DD (I often felt like a single parent). Thus ignoring my emotional needs....leading to a heightened state of anxiety and now this!?

Do you know in a wierd way I am pleased to see that I'm not the only one.

I love my daughter so much, I am just extremely tired of parenting/general day to day grind that I feel exhausted. That's why I get so upset also, because I don't want to think like this. I want to be happy