Well nothing we say makes any difference does it?
Every day you have a thread like this. Every day people post suggestions. You ignore them
You need RL help, not a load of strangers on a website. You really need to try and take that on board.
(not that we mind trying to help of course, it just never does, does it?)
I don't mean that unkindly at all. I just think you need to get some HELP