I think my head's gone a bit wrong.

[ABitWrong]

I'm just feeling quite wired and weird and my concentration has gone to pot. It's like everything is swirling around.
I've also got old problems trying to resurface.

I don't seem to want to eat. That is, I don't eat and then I feel all light and floaty and it's really nice but then I'll eat something and I really want to throw it up again because I don't want it inside me. I haven't yet, but the urge is strong, but if I do it once I'm afraid I'll be stuck in the pattern.

I want to cut my arms as well. That is, part of me wants to.

It's as if all my old insecure habits are coming back. I daren't go near alcohol.

I feel as if I'm being pulled in several directions and I have to resist them all because I must be normal and responsible.

I am sort of in denial about something that is making me miserable.

I don't know what to doi really. I'm a bit scared it will get out of control.

I'm really sorry that you are feeling so bad. Are you seeing your GP or anyone else about this feeling? It does sound like you ought to have some support with this.

Could you take a look at the munsnet mental health support links and maybe phone samaritans or somone for some immediate support?

Thanks. No, I'd rather avoid GPs etc. I'm hoping I can just sort it on my own.

I don't know what to say to help you. I understand some of your feelings but not others.

But hopefully it is of some help just to give you my best wishes.

Perhaps a night's sleep if you can sleep will maake things seem a little better.

You are on the verge of an eating disorder and you must choose to stop now!
You will not beat this alone without any help.
Once you start you are in too deep.
Sorry to sound a bit harsh but i lost my sister to eating disorders and other mental health probs because she was in too deep(anorexia)and would rather be dead than eat normally.
She is dead now.

Thanks.

I just feel like a bit of a freak atm.

It's not like a weight loss thing though. It's just, well, a bit exhilarating not eating. God that does sound weird.

Is there anyone who you can talk it through with? You've done well to tolerate all the uneasiness and unhappy feelings and not purge or cut so far when the urges have been so strong.

So sorry about your sister.

It is about control though isnt it?

Hmm, I don't know. As I said, I feel like a bit of a freak.

Is it?

That makes me a control freak then.

Thanks
She killed herself than live with it.

Please speak to a professional .I do understand (have depression/anxiety myself)

What is making you want to cut?

I am control freak.

Sorry not helping you.

You are not a freak btw

Oh, I dunno. I just feel totally unlike me atm. It's sort of like being 15 again. I need some kind of mental shift.

Has it come on suddenly or been building?

Really? I feel very freaky. Sort of totally high and totally low at the same time.

Trouble is the less you eat the worse you will feel mentally,bit of a vicious circle.

Fairly sudden I suppose. Well, some of it.

You are not freaky just unwell.

we keep x posting

Can you think of anything thats triggered this?
Have you been unwell Physically?

Well, I hope things get better. I think you need to use your real life friends/family to help with this and seek professional support if there is no one you can discuss it with. Keeping it all secret and internet only often makes it more tantalising and attractive for people who are tempted to self harm, I think. Good luck.

Maybe.

Ach, I'm in love with somebody who is happily married. I think it's just the impossibility of it all