I think my head's gone a bit wrong.

[ABitWrong]

I'm just feeling quite wired and weird and my concentration has gone to pot. It's like everything is swirling around.
I've also got old problems trying to resurface.

I don't seem to want to eat. That is, I don't eat and then I feel all light and floaty and it's really nice but then I'll eat something and I really want to throw it up again because I don't want it inside me. I haven't yet, but the urge is strong, but if I do it once I'm afraid I'll be stuck in the pattern.

I want to cut my arms as well. That is, part of me wants to.

It's as if all my old insecure habits are coming back. I daren't go near alcohol.

I feel as if I'm being pulled in several directions and I have to resist them all because I must be normal and responsible.

I am sort of in denial about something that is making me miserable.

I don't know what to doi really. I'm a bit scared it will get out of control.

abitwrong - those are, word for word, exact reasons why i didnt seek help sooner.
but HONESTLY, terrifying as it is to make it real, to open yourself up to strangers, to fear being sectioned and locked up and deemed a loony, tempting as it is to wait for the next ok day and pretend none of this is a problem... it is surprisingly, almost disappointingly after all that fear, devoid of down sides.
sweetheart, you need not feel this way.
its no way to spend your few short years on this mortal coil.
trust me, i know that.
and heres another thing; the demons have NOWHERE near as much power if you let them out than if you hold them in.
dont let whatever it is, and i know unrequited love is a hell of an 'it', send you round the bend. you are stronger. you are worth more than that. and whats more, there is more and better just around the corner and all you have to do is be you.
xx

Allright love, hang in there.

This may be really really hard but you must be kind to yourself,

You are a beautiful, funny, kind person and however bad it feels it will get better and there are lots of people that care about you

The awful thing with feeling like two people is not knowing which is the real you and you are not alone in feeling like this, but try not to be scared, and like nappies said, your demons can be dealt with.

I can't give you an answer that will make it go away, but you have my complete support and sympathy and if you need to, you can have my details to offload.

Please, please look after yourself, I am really worried about you.

its terrifying to feel like two people and not know which one you are.
but the terror only has power while you keep it locked up inside.

Please, please, please find it in your heart to talk to someone.
I am upbeat on this thread because I want to help you so badly but I can not begin to tell you the raw pain I have felt at times and how much I have cried.
But this is your thread and I think you have made the first steps in admitting how you feel. I bottled it up for months and months and months and telling my story on here with the strange anonymity it provides, was an important step.
I haven't talked to anuone in RL and that is enough to make you feel like two people, but please believe me that sharing the pain can make a difference.
I ache for you and what you are going through and really wish I could be there for you.....try to be strong, and let us know you are 'ok'...xx

You are all so kind.

I'm on a yoyo today. I'm calling it an improvement.

I don't want to burden you.

I have to be so good and responsible this week that I am going to stiffen my chin, clench my jaw, apply a smile and Be Fine. How hard can it be?

How are you, abitwrong? Am hoping things have settled down a little and that you are managing to eat at least something little each day.

(hugs)