I am waking out on my family in the morning and heartbroken...

[babyalfie]

I had to put it down here as cannot cope anymore at all. I am not that depressed but feel in a state.

The situation is... I ahve three children 17, 15 and 8. I broke up with the girls father when they were babies but they still have a fab relationship. The little ones dad is still around and often see him. For the past 2 years though I met a man that I thought I loved, infact I did love and he sold his house on the intention of moving intogtehr. However after about 10 months down theline my son cannot get on with his son and to be honest although I have tried I do not like the boy. H eis 10 and all he want to be is a chav, everthing he likes is different to my values and expectations so we decided to not move intogther. Well to cut a long story short I am pregnant 13 weeks and i have not told any of my family as they would hate it and i mean that as they hate the son and resent my ex. My ex however has started with athritats and is now housebaound and his sister has been to my house saying she is going to screw me for every penny and she knows about the baby... hence I am leaving in the morning. I love my kids so much but have to this. I am going to try and get a termination and find a hostel to live in. I have wrote everything out fro my sons dad as going to let him move in the family house and look after the kids. I also have a poorly daughter but know he will love them and care for them. I ahve wrote all the number etc to contact so everything can be transfered into his name. Does anybody know if I could get the mortgage transfered or not in a short period or am I best just leaving it in my name.

Dont know posting on her to be honest but needed to get it off my had as heartbroken.

hope the meeting with your ex went ok, BabyAlfie - and that you have sorted some stuff out.

Please go to a GP soon as well to get yourself checked out

Good luck!

Babyalfie - read this last night but couldn't post. You were on my mind this morning so I came to see how you were today.

I can guarantee that you will not find one mum on this site who thinks that walking out on your children in these circumstances is the right thing to do. I'm so glad that you now seem to be looking at other options.

I also notice that you chose the 'mental health' topic to post in. I think you know that you are suffering from depression - this can be treated and I really hope you can find the strength to visit your GP.

You've had some brilliant advice on here and everyone is saying the same thing - pretty rare on MN!

Good luck.

hope things went okay today and that you are still feeling more positive?

hoping all s OK babyalfie

fwiw my dh'd ex tried to sue him for everything she'd spent on teir relationship (they weren't even living together), the Solicitor laughed her out the office.

I assume this room would now be ued as a nursery as son no there? fwiw as its his baby am not convinced you do have a moral obligation in that case. And as you will need to re,main in contact if you keep the baby, a payment of ay financial benefits if and when you ell the home hould be the max he can ask- until then you are a pregnant carer fgs!

hoping all s OK babyalfie

fwiw my dh'd ex tried to sue him for everything she'd spent on teir relationship (they weren't even living together), the Solicitor laughed her out the office.

I assume this room would now be ued as a nursery as son no there? fwiw as its his baby am not convinced you do have a moral obligation in that case. And as you will need to re,main in contact if you keep the baby, a payment of ay financial benefits if and when you ell the home hould be the max he can ask- until then you are a pregnant carer fgs!

hoping all s OK babyalfie

fwiw my dh'd ex tried to sue him for everything she'd spent on teir relationship (they weren't even living together), the Solicitor laughed her out the office.

I assume this room would now be ued as a nursery as son no there? fwiw as its his baby am not convinced you do have a moral obligation in that case. And as you will need to re,main in contact if you keep the baby, a payment of ay financial benefits if and when you ell the home hould be the max he can ask- until then you are a pregnant carer fgs!

oops sorry- over active 5 mnth old

Hello firstly I must say a huge thank for everybody that has taken the time to reply yesterday. I was honestly in a state yesterday and emailed people where I could stay etc... well today feel so much better. Thanks so much.

Well will update you all. I have felt sick all day. I went to meet my ex partner and he was not there so went to the house.. he looked hsocking and was unbale to walk so rang the doctor for him. Anyhow he was having chest pains so she said get him to hospital which I have. he is in there now and spent the day chatting to him. He so wishes he could come with me in the morning but he is tuck in hospital!

He has a clot on his lung what ever that means in mediacl terms unsure but honestly he looks very ill. They have done many tests as well as a chest x ray and are keeping him in for further tests and cat sacan in the morning. he is so lovely and as my eldest daughter says would not harm a fly. He is quite chirpy tonight. I also rang his ister to put her in the picture as he wanted me to do and she said thank you.

I have also made an appointment at the soliciters re the money he put in the house.. please note we never have lived togetehr but we intended to a few months ago.

I feel much more posotive indeed today.

Agian thanks for support.

wish me luck as have to go for cvs in leeds in the morning alaone!- dreading it but needs to be done. i will post with results later in week but i just hope everything is okay as thirteen weeks and since becoming pregnant lost 4lbs in weight! I am very sick and just cannot eat and as yet have not had my dating scan just an early scan at 7 weeks.

Good luck sweetheart

now you need to concentrate on yourself and your children

ignore his sister she sounds bitter and twisted

organise some sort of repayment scheme with him, or go to a solicitors and agree that if you sell the house you will give him X amount

hope the CVS goes well,

if you go ahead with the preganacy think about going to parenting classes - may sound odd with having had kids already but because of the gap, and your situation it could be a way to meet people with babies and get excited about it (there was a woman in my class who did that and we are good friends now)

re the weight- if you dont gain son, or cannot keep anything down, theres a condition called hyperemesis and you can gethelp- in laymans terms it means too much sickness. And dont worry that it means there is any link between sckness and cvs- I had hyperemesis 4 times.

Thinking of you

I cannot tell you how glad I am to read that you are feeling better babyalfie and things are looking more positive for you.

Best of luck with everything

babyalfie, so glad you are feeling better and still there. Your ex's clot (pulmonary embolus) should not be a problem now it is being treated but he will need to be careful and they should investigate the cause of it - this could be many things.

Good luck with the cvs - I'm sure it will be straightforward and I hope it turns out ok.

And please, still go to your own GP and explain what is going on so that they are aware and can keep an eye on you (hopefully!)

(((((((hugs))))))))

good luck alfiebaby im sure you will be fine tommorrow you have done so well from bouncing back back from yesterday.

take a moment to feel proud of what you achieved yesterday before tackling tommorrow. once you have been as low as you were yesterday things can only get better.

agree with thumbwitch re going to the gp. you need more support during this time.

So glad too to hear that you are feeling better today. Will be thinking of you tomorrow and hoping the CVS turns out fine.

don't terminate just because your family hate your ex. in your heart you want this baby and if you do terminate because of how they would react you will regret it and probably end up resenting them. is that what you want? i am guessing they would come around eventually anyway - most do once the baby is born.

Hi this story is breaking my heart, but, on a practical note I hope I can help.

If your daughter is on the higher rate of DLA you will be getting carers allowance. As a carer you are entitled to respite, which means someone coming in to look after your daughter while you go off for a break. I think you can take some of your children with you as they may need a break too.

It seems to me that you and your family are drained by this very very difficult illness. There have been big changes recently in the law about carers rights, so please contact www.carersuk.org/ for further help.

CA is awarded to middle rate to. Just in case she gets that rate.

I would agree with the last post. neither of mine sound as illa s yours but i have one child on high rate and one on middle and draining doesn't even start it! A marriage or relationship with any flaws will struggle, daly. break up rates in famillies coping with disability are astronomical.

There's a special needs ection n here; please come and join us, you will find the support is there. it's certainly saved my sanity onn several occasions.

For support you nee to telephone the social servces and request a carers Assessment.

hello there just got back and thought would update.... yes I do get highest rate dla on care but not mobility and also claim carers allowance. She drains me mentally as she gives me so much abuse. She is 15 and is diabetic but for 18 months has had and eating disorder and she lands in coma as her blood suagrs ofter reach 50. She hits, me kicks me, pulls my hair out etc and she will not take her insulin at all.
It does not sound that bad but she is loosing her sight and we are unsure what the long term damage will be at this point but her bowels are not working properly and she is on medication for that and she constantly has water infections but that is due to high bloods.

Anyhow I went to Leeds today and told the lady I have not had a scan yet and she said she had better scan me. It was at a teaching hospital and they were lovely. I saw the baby well and she said it looks fine. I was unable to have the cvs as the placenta is prsteria and there would be no where to get a needle in. I have to go back in 2 weeks for an amnio. Gosh I now have to wait 2 more weeks and then 1 week for results before telling my family which will make 16 weeks! I said I had lost weight but she did not seem bothered as baby seemed fine.

I am bit low again this afternoon as my ex partner was discharged late last night and nobody rang to tell me. If it had not been for me ringing up this morning his house i would never of found out... i was expectiong to speak to his mum.

Anyway I said i was going and setting off it takes 1 hour to leeds and he never wished me look and he said he would ring me to see i got on but i have had the phone on me and he has not rung so I guess i no longer mean anything to him. I know my preganacy hormones have been all over the place and to be honest since pregnant have just wanted to lock myself away as felt so tired and sick and some days nearly wish I could of died and I mena that. I feel very low as know I will now be alone with the baby but I am very strong and once told my daughters and son I will feel better but going to wait until after amnio...

Again you have given me the strength to carry on and the support I needed. I feel I have freinds already on here and I am a newbie to be honest. Thanks so very much if it had not been for you lot I may of left my children and like many of you say it would have been the cowards way out. Thanks again.

babyalfie im glad it went ok today ,thinking of you and im so glad you didnt leave,things will get better,big hugs x

babyalfie, sorry to hear that your ex is being v. unsupportive but tbh, a pulmonary embolus is extremely draining, as well as life threatening, so it may not be the way things continue with him - I guess he has a lot on his mind as well.

Please lovey, go to the GP asap - or if you don't want to go to the GP, get in touch with your midwife team and talk to them about how low you are feeling - they need to know so that they can help you.

If your daughter is as bad as you say, I'm sure there are clinics where she can go to try and get her conditions under control - I'm sure you shouldn't have to deal with that by yourself, especially now you are pregnant again. You MUST go and talk to someone asap so that you can get as much help as is available.

Still here to support you, whenever you need us. You are doing fine, keep talking to us.
(((((((hugs)))))))

So glad you didn't walk out, babyalfie, and glad today went well. Second what thumbwitch says about the GP - and tell them exactly what's going on with your dd and ask if there's any support you can get.