sorry - its me again..

[jingleyjen]

I am feeling myself going down again.
Have tried talking to Dh
he just says he doesn't know what to say or how to help me.
Feel trapped can't see through it,
please kick me up the bum
it is the school holidays - I can't hide - there is no way of getting a break - time to think - time to get away
hate feeling trapped

hi Jen! sorry if it is a daft question but are you excessively tired or more stressed that usual? these things usually send me on the 'downward slide', esp being tooooo knackered which can be pretty much permanent in the school holidays can't it... Sorry but will certainly not kick u up the bum or anywhere else as i have spent too much time where you seem to be. I know about feeling like you need a kick, but it usually isn't actually the case. keep posting

sadly not tired, DS1 seems to be loving the idea that he gets a raffle ticket for sleeping later than 7am.
It just hit me again today, it is so stupid, DS1 needs his hair cutting, he goes with Dh to the barbers Dh came home with his hair cut, he forgot they were suppose to be going together on Saturday.
Everything in my life is fcussed on the boys and what they need I wasn't treated well as a child and I want my boys to know that I cared for them well. Dh has the option of not thinking about the boys.. I am envious.

I want to get away from it all it is suffocating I will never be the mummy that I feel they deserve,

anyone around?

ohhh, hugs, jen, please stop beating yourself up cos i don't think there is such a thing as a "perfect" parent, possibly not even a 'good' one. You have to see that having not-good parenting yourself makes things twice as hard because you've got naff-all role model, and more than that you are trying to give your kids the best... i'm rambling, sorry. Lucky blokes just have a mentality where the dc aren't in their thoughts 24/7, whereas us mums on the whole can't do that. In practical terms, can't DH take him anyway at the weekend as arranged?

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sorry i'm typing sloooowwwwwww tonight

I feel like I can't be with them but can't be away from them.. Sooo trapped!!
I just need to get away. I don't know how to get myself back to where I was a few days ago, the anxiety I feel is silly. The psychiatrist I have been seeing has suggested tablets but I just don't think I want to do that.

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OOh Dior I want to be alone.. so alone... I want to be on an island in the north of Scotland with no people just a little stone house peace quiet alone.

spot on, Dior. I'm still on them for pnd and they work as a good de-mister for a bit. you don't have to be stuck with them for longer than you want to, but they do give you a bit of a lift.

hi jen
you sound like you are where i was a few days ago?people probably thought id lost the plot but i wrote letters to myself about how i was feeling and just typed it exactly as it was in my mind.do you think you could do this.and actually reading them back a few times helped me to sort things out in my mind.its awful when youve been feeling well for so long to suddenly have that slump.i do feel for you

I have that trapped feeling too - mostly when it gets dark that the night is closing in on me.

I don't like taking medication, but after struggling for over a year I have found it a relief. My psychiatrist still hasn't completely decided on a diagnosis but I take quetiapine at bed time and that really helps.

jj you sound pretty down to me

sorry for stating the bloody obvious

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electra I guess I am lucky in that respect I have a diagnosis - I officially have post traumatic stress disorder as a result of serious sexual assault as a child.

I am feelin down gigglewitch. I want to take my brain out and wash it before putting it back in.
I have become obsessive about trying to get organised hoping it will help me get better but it is just making me worse.

I am going to go..
thanks ladies

nighty night, jj, hope you get some rest