Don't know what to do

[needsomehelp]

Without going into too much detail, the last few years have been pretty rubbish but I thought that I was dealing with it all normally. But over the last couple of weeks lots of things have started coming back to the point where I'm having really bad nightmares about things and feeling more upset about things then I have for ages. Don't know what to do about it though, don't want ad's because they won't actually solve the underlying problem and not sure about counselling for many reasons, one of the main ones being once I start letting things out I probably won't be able to stop it.

Don't know what anyone can do but had to get it out, and if you guess who I am, don't say on here please.

poor you. I really feel for you. I know what you mean about not being sure about counselling. I am the same. I am almost dreading the first appointment coming through. I am on ADs but TBH I don't feel like they are doing anything as like you said, they don't help with the underlying problem. I don't know what to say or to do help, but I am here if you would like to talk. {{{HUGS}}} x x

...also don't know why I'm bothering with an alias, its not as if I'm confessing to bottlefeeding my baby Coke, buying 300 dummies, taking up smoking, eating grapes in Tesco and driving a 4x4 all on the same day

oh WK......are you ok hun?

Thanks a lot titania. Would happily take ad's if I couldn't cope with things day to day but thankfully its not that bad yet, just don't know how to get rid of the actual problem, just like you're saying. Hope your appt comes through quick so you're not waiting for it forever.

Yep, am 'ok', just a lot of memories have suddenly seemed to come up for no reason - maybe I had a year or two off 'free' and now its suddenly time to deal with them.

I really do understand how that goes. You plod on with life then suddenly, what you've left at the back of your mind for ages suddenly reappears and bites you on the bum. You don't know how to deal with it. You just want it to go away and never come back. I really hope you find a way through this soon x x x

Thanks titania - just a surprise when it suddenly comes and takes over isn't it! Expected it all to at least gradually come back or be brought on by something major, not just suddenly reappear out of the blue.

i know....its the same here......then you fool yourself into thinking you can deal with it but then realise you can't I hope you find a way through it soon x x

Yep, you too. Hope the counselling helps, it sounds good generally but its little things that make me think its not for me, like that fact that it would change what my family think of me and they'd do my head in because of that.

oh wk and titania ((((hugs))))

but can i say, the only thing that has bitten me on the bum lately is dd2, cheeky monkey!!

Thanks misdee, would rather have dd biting me on the bum than anything else but probably shouldn't say that, else sod's law means she will!!

Thanks misdee, would rather have dd biting me on the bum than anything else but probably shouldn't say that, else sod's law means she will!!

wk, why would counselling change how your family thinks of you? You wouldn't have to even tell them would you?

And don't be scared that once things start to come out they won't stop. The counsellor is there to deal with that kind of thing and should be used to it. It might be best if it all comes out.

CQ, at the moment I'm living with them which would make it hard to keep it from them. And they already treat me like I'm helpless and incapable so god knows how they'd act if I 'wasn't coping'. My sister went through something very traumatic about 3 years ago and has had to have counselling and ad's and just seeing the way my parents treat her, albeit without meaning to do anything wrong, is enough to put me off. They are just so insensitive and judging, but mean well at the same time which is annoying because you can't take offence.

...also if I said I was having counselling they'd be confused about why, they know next to nothing about what happened in my marriage etc, they have very old fashioned and sheltered views and really can't get their heads round much of the 'gritty' side of life so its far easy on them, AND far easier on me if I just don't tell them any details.

That sounds stressful! But it's a shame you have to deny yourself that chance because of other people's reactions!

Yep, but think the reactions would do more harm than the counselling would do good. Will consider it when I finally get to move out but until then it just seems easier not to.

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Sorry you're having such a tough time, WK.

If you don't want to go down the counselling route then have you thought about trying to write it all down? Buy a notebook and write down all the bad stuff. When you have finished letting it all out put the book away somewhere. It can be a release in itself (in the same way that posting on here can be) and seeing it in black and white can help make things so much clearer.

essbee - sorry I didn't say anything, have spent so long feeling like I don't need to talk about it and being 'happy' with it bouncing round in the back of my head that it just feels weird talking about it much now.

ct - have about 6 notebooks atm (keep forgetting where I've put them and buying a new one) and do write stuff down when I've got a chance. Can write pages and pages until I've got to stop to do something else or because I get wrist cramp. Does seem to help, got to force myself to do it more often - could write a bloody book!!

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Thanks essbee - I definitely feel better after writing things down, its just trying to find the time to do it and trying to get it all down before my wrist goes completely numb . Wouldn't have the bottle to show it to anyone else though, good for you for doing it, sorry they didn't exactly give you anything positive back

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needsomehelp
I am similair to u and have been suffering sever depression the past yr..prior to that i had things from childhood and teenage yrs etc that i pretty much pretended didnt happen iykwim so was able to carry on as 'normal'..when i had my ds things came back to hit me ful force i in the face and any normality i did have disappeared..i too feared that once it all started slipping it wouldnt stop...but do u know that is probably the best thing that ever happened...yes i still suffer depression but instead of pretending and being something i am not i am now trying to find out who i am and dealing with the sh*t that happened....it isnt easy people around you will tell u uve changed ur not urself..but tbh where u ever really if u r hiding things? If you want someone to tlak to hun feel free to CAT me or add me to msn if u have it
mishi_c23 at hotmail dot com
I dont know many people on this board and I definetly will not judge...I was actually a mental health worker prior to opening my head iykwim and i am also currently using a no. of mental health services...i know u r scared and confused/ angry and upset...but please now u have people who want to help and wont judge u
HUge hugs

essbee - thats good then, at least someone else knew how you felt. Went to bed early instead of coming on MN () last night and scribbled 8 A4 pages off before my arm went completely stiff, so there's obviously enough in there!!!

mishi - thankyou, will add you to msn. Know exactly what you mean about being honest about who you are and people judging you for it. My sister and friends think I'm doing brilliantly because I left ex-h and my parents think I'm going off the rails because I'm not a Christian. So there we go, there'll always be some people who don't get it! Like you said, things just suddenly come back to hit you full force and I think its the fact that I can't change anything that's happened but really wish I had that's getting me. Trying to find a way just to leave it and walk away but seems to be difficult.