From the moment I wake up it's there, the counting to a significant number to protect loved ones. While I know it's 'silly' and those I protect wouldn't want me to have thus stress, I can't help the compulsion.
It's exhausting but part of my life I've dealt with as my normality since a young child and have gone on to a good career, marriage, DC.
I started taking anti depression paroxetine in my mid 20s and it took the edge off but my OCD was as full on as ever but I could cope.
Have been taking it since then and dosage increased to 30mg when I was struggling later on in life; raw grief and ongoing OCD.
I felt I couldn't change my medication because I was in a responsible job and was scared about the adjustment period. Now I'm at a time when I can do this but not confident I will be taken seriously, especially the huge rise in anxiety/depression cases, so another number in the system.
I know I'm overthining this.
It would be so wonderful to take a pill to help with the basics of my mindset because I try do everything recommended but nothing helps.
Thank you for reading and any advice welcome.
Xxxxxxxx