I feel so alone and sad

[liftingprincess]

i have a serious mental health condition(bipolar 2) generally managed but today I’ve had bad anxiety. Same old thing he doesn’t support me at all- what I want is a hug what I get is annoyance at worst and at best that I’m annoying him. This is a theme now and has been for years- I get nothing and I feel alone. I have for years. When I was unwell last year all he was on about was me not being at work and off sick. I am back at work now. We had a row tonight and he said this isn’t a marriage for me now. I’m not easy and I get very tired which means after work I struggle to do much. I’m begging for a hug affection and I get nothing. I feel vulnerable because I don’t have anyone else if I was unwell. No family nothing. All I wanted was a hug and something to say it’s okay.
I have been so well this is a bad day but I’m sitting here in bed on my own while he games downstairs crying. I feel so abandoned.
I told him I’d do anything to not have this illness but I can’t help it and he says I do it to wind him up. Going away in a few weeks and he’s told me he hope I don’t come back.

I'm sorry OP. I don't have any advice but just wanted to let you know I'd see your post and care. Sending you a hug.

oh this is so sad, you don't choose mental illness, do you have any friends you can talk to? I wish I had the answer, even surrounded by friends & family can still be lonely. Get some sleep and rest, it's great your back at work, he sounds childish and unsupportive, sending virtual hugs to you

So sorry you are feeling like this op. Do you have any friends you could call for support. Sending you a virtual hug

Thank you for your support all. I do but I struggle to talk about it my close friends. I had such a hard day yesterday I’ve actually slept so feel a bit better but still emotional.

Glad you managed to get some sleep op. I hope you’re ok

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Take it easy today, if you can. Do something you'll enjoy, like read a book, whatever.

It is such a conundrum.
Having a mental illness is hell; living with someone with a mental illness is also hard .... I did this, but hope I was never unkind in the way your partner can be.
Are you able to have a bit of space from each other ar times?
I am so sorry that this is making your lives difficult. Are you getting all the right treatment? The point of disagreement between us was my OH being reluctant to accept treatment and brushing aside the problems for me and the children.
Chronic illness puts relationships under such strain .... I really do feel for you.
Would some joint counselling be a possibility?

I have been stable for over a year however yesterday I had a medical appt that I was scared stiff off and that is when I struggle. It’s very rare. I am not easy to live with but I take the right medication now’s I think it’s the fact I don’t get any affection or signal he cares. I’m tired of it and feeling alone. I think tbh I want to end the marriage I deserve better.

You are stronger than you think and he sounds like an arse hole. I bet your friends would support you if you talked to them. I would be happy to support any of my friends who told me this. Hope you are feeling better today. Xxxx

You are being abused, OP. This is emotional abuse.

please please leave this man if you can. It’s tough enough with bi-polar without someone actively demonstrating you are just an appliance that’s faulty and annoying him.

It’s less lonely being alone, I promise you

Tried to talk today and I got gaslit and shouted at. Doesn’t know he’s done anything wrong

Would you be better off on your own do you think? He does not sound as if he cares or is prepared to put any effort into the relationship.

Maybe talk to Women's Aid and start p reparing to make a life without him. I know it is a big leap. especially when you are not well, but in the long run it might hopefully make you feel better.

I think you can do this.

Oh, he knows very well.

He doesn’t care. All he cares about is making sure you believe you’re the problem.

Really sad to hear this! Do reach out to your friends if your have any close ones. The would give you the closure you need and you would definitely feel better.