Help for ADHD son -tw overdose

[discotoadstool]

Ds is 18 and just started an apprenticeship. Was diagnosed with severe ADHD a few weeks ago and isn't yet medicated for it. It's obvious in hindsight that he's struggled for years and no-one realised.
He seemed to be ok but earlier this week on his way to college had a massive wobble and impulsively bought a packet of paracetamol and took half of them. He got himself to a&e and asked for help. He didn't need treatment and we were able to bring him home after he'd spoken to the crisis team.
He's already had an appointment with the GP who has referred him to the local NHS ADHD team for medication with the warning that it could be 12-18 months. Private clinic that diagnosed him now understandably will not prescribe.

He's been signed off for two weeks to give him a bit of breathing space and I've already contacted the college to let them know, so adjustments and support can be put in place. At the moment ds is saying he wants to continue. He isn't able to explain why he did it, which is fine. I suspect overwhelm and exhaustion and just 18 years of trying to cope with no support. He's done brilliantly to get this far.

Really I would just like to know if anyone has any advice or suggestions for reasonable adjustments. His workplace already has support groups and seems very hot on it. I'm worried about the wait for medication. The GP suggested anti depressants - does anyone have any advice or experience there?

Sorry it's long. Thanks.

No advice I’m afraid but you sound like a fantastic supportive mum who is being proactive and accepting.

Is he depressed or was it a feeling of overwhelm? Impulse control can be a real challenge with ADHD, I have similar struggles with DD15 where in the moment she wants relief rather than actually wanting to die, if that makes sense. Things that have helped are helping her find ways to soothe and distract herself in the moment, helping her explain what she’s feeling and being able to ask for immediate help (sometimes that’s just being able to chat to someone about something and nothing). We’ve also worked on finding safe ways to satisfy the impulsive part of her - so baking at 3am isn’t unusual in our house.

That coupled with having a complete break from school, low demands in daily life, lots of sensory input and help managing friendships seems to be helping.

I’ve not found therapy helpful because she really needs someone to hang in there with her, and most therapists want to give her tools to “fix” her rather than taking a long term, relational approach.

It’s very hard as a parent, so look after yourself too.

Sometimes getting a diagnosis can be hugely emotional.
I would be looking at sleep and routine. Exercise - especially anything strength based can be great for adhd. Maybe he would consider calisthenics or weights?
If he really wants to continue I think he should be allowed to try.
i second the baking. My son used this as a strategy- he made chocolate chip cookies. They are simple - he now knows the amounts and method off by heart. It sort of turns off the ruminating part of the brain and uses the computer part

How upsetting for you. Anti depressants from gp - yes.

you’ve said the clinic that diagnosed him won’t prescribe but you can go to any private psychiatrist who treats adhd and get a prescription for adhd meds. In fact ideally they would titrate the best antidepressant with the best combination of adhd med. Once that is stable your gp may agree to shared care and take over the prescriptions.

we have gone down the private anti depressant and adhd med route it’s taken a year and finally handing over from private psychiatrist to GP.

it’s a tricky balance but unfortunately MH problems can go hand in hand with severe adhd (it’s a bit of a chicken and egg scenario and you need to treat both)

we’ve also paid for private counselling - some form of talking therapy is essential for this journey

When he was first diagnosed he seemed to accept it very quickly but I know from experience that these things take time - one day you get up and it hits you. He told me today that he felt like he was failing at the practical work at college, he could see that everyone else was better at it than him, the tutor was no help, he felt totally out of his depth and overwhelmed and desperate at the thought that this might be how it was forever. He said 'i can't physically do it, I just can't do it' which is the first time he's opened up about any of it. He looks exhausted today. He's started to say now he doesn't think he wants to go back, which I understand. I've said we'll get him signed off for longer, get the legal protections in place, and he's not in the right place just now to make any big decisions. But if it's done that's fine. Some recovery and a rethink and he can try again for something different.

My eldest child is ND but different and I just didn't see it in DS, which makes me feel like an idiot. We haven't supported or advised him in the right way because we didn't know and he didn't know either, he's just bottled everything up and tried to cope alone ☹️

Fwiw we are in an area with a blanket ban on shared care for ADHD meds, so if we can find someone to titrate privately we will be paying for meds until the NHS finally manages to see him. But I'm not sure how we find someone now - won't all clinics assess him as too risky? And I'm not sure how to find a psychiatrist independently that I can reasonably afford, none of the nearby private hospitals offer it.

Can I ask how you found a psychiatrist for this?

@discotoadstool his private Ed psychologist who did the adhd screening suggested a few psychiatrists and I also know a lot of doctors from DC’s school and I just asked around. (As your DS is 18 it’s very straightforward, my Ds was 17 while we were looking and many psychiatrists are not licenced to treat U18, they need special accreditation to be a child psychiatrist.)

you can look at the names of the child psychiatrists at your local CAMHS service and then google to see who also has a private practice.