My mam died

[Nananana90]

I'm sorry for putting this in AIBU just want advice and support. My lovely mam died last Monday. We laid her to rest yesterday. I am absolutely beyond heartbroken and feel very suicidal something I have never felt before. I have a big family and cousins that will always be there but I just can't cope. My whole world has shattered. It was a very unexpected sudden death. I miss her so so much I don't see how I can go on. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

It is such early days - your grief is so raw. Be kind and gentle to yourself. Lean on friends and family. Take care of yourself.
if you think you will take your life call someone or 999 immediately.

Sending you so much love 💐💐💐

So sorry, OP. Do you feel able to tell us anything about your lovely Mum?

I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry @Nananana90

It'll feel like your world has ended today but I guarantee you will feel better with time. The good thing is you're going through the natural stages of grief. Wallow in sadness, wallow in anger when it comes and anything else you're feeling. They will pass in time. Be kind to yourself and know this is what we all go through at some stage.

The excruciating unbearable pain you're feeling will pass OP, I promise you, and you will find a way to carry on your life. You will laugh and smile and find joy again. Just now though, it's very soon and you're in shock and pain.
Try to focus for now on your physical needs. You need to drink water, eat what you can and rest. Gradually the days go by and you feel stronger and better.
If you get to the point where you can't face life, then speak to someone straight away. The Samaritans if you don't want to speak to family. Sending you love and strength.

I'm so sorry, the suddenness of it all must be awful too. Give your heart and your mind time to take this in, and most importantly remember your mothers love for you hasn't gone and how you treat yourself going forward is a reflection of her love. Give yourself time, grace and know that your mum just wants you to be happy as all mothers do. She would want you to live for yourself and her legacy too, but remember it's so recent. Your feelings are natural. Big hugs op x

I'm so sorry to hear about your mam 😞
You will be raw right now, but you need to be kind to yourself.
Have you got a support network OP?

I lost my mum 18 months ago, and it's hard, but it does get a little easier.
It just takes time. But this is the hardest time right now. I completely understand.

Could you tell us about your lovely mam?
Sending you a massive hug 🫂
@Nananana90

That sounds so difficult to live with and I’m sorry that this is your reality, OP.
Please remember this world is so much better with you in it, and that your lovely mum wouldn’t want her death to end your life. You need to focus on yourself, your own physical well being and rest as much as possible. Please try to drink water and eat where and when you can. Many hugs.

You need to talk to someone. Think of a member of your family who you feel closest to and tell them how you are feeling now. Phone 111, speak to your GP tomorrow. You don't have to go through this by yourself.

I am so sorry. My mum died age 69 very suddenly 2 years ago and the grief was unbelievably painful. Time will make it less sharp, but you must be kind to yourself. You will bear it, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.

OP I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum in March and I’m still grieving. It really does take time and especially so where the death is sudden - you don’t have time to prepare and that’s hard to handle because you’re left with so many things you wanted to say and no way to say them.

I found that writing a letter to mum helped enormously. In it, I expressed what she had truly meant to me through the years, the important times in our lives that we’d shared, how much I loved her and how she would always be with me in everything I did. If you can find somewhere quiet, just take pen to paper, or even type it out on a laptop or whatever. I didn’t write it all in one go either - I just went back to it and added on thoughts that came to me. Whenever I feel low, I read through it again and everything that she meant to me is right there - it’s comforting.

On a practical note I would really recommend seeing your GP. The suicidal thoughts are concerning and you need to tell your GP you’re having them as soon as possible. The grief is raw and painful at the moment, but there are some short term meds to help you through this period. Talking therapy/grief counselling is also enormously helpful, but you’re very early on in the grieving process and you may benefit more if you wait a little while - might be a good idea to mention this to your GP as there may be a waiting list.

Grief isn’t a linear process OP. Some days you’ll feel better than others, and some days you’ll be right back where you started. The important thing is one foot in front of the other, day by day and be kind to yourself. Losing your mum is a significant life event and you need to allow time for yourself to process the loss.

There is an excellent, supportive website called WayUp. Link is below. It’s mainly for those who have lost a partner, but there are many posts from those who have lost other family members. I found them such a source of strength and support when I lost my husband a few years ago, and I revisited the site after losing mum. That support was there and I felt I was among friends - there’s no pressure and everyone is in various stages of grief so there’s lots of advice as to what to expect and how to get through each stage.

You will get through this OP. You can’t imagine it now, but it will get better, the grief will lessen and you’ll be able to reflect on the good times instead of the trauma you have now. Hard as it is, it just needs time. 💐

https://way-up.co.uk/

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear about your mum and that you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

I am so very sorry for your loss,many of us know something of what you eloquently describe here about the agony that is loss and grief.
When my husband died i remember asking, how do people survive this?
And 10 yrs on don't really know .
The initial pain of nuclear proportions is all consuming.
i remember thinking : what advice would he give me right now if he were still with me? All i could think of was that he'd say look after yourself and survive love.
Hoping you have support IRL from people who understand .
If not, keep talking here or contact professional help.
Sorry i cant be of more help .
Virtual hugs.

OP I’m so so sorry for your loss. I know right now it’s so unbearably painful and raw. I promise you it gets easier. People say that time is a great healer and it is - it’s not that the grief itself lessens or passes, it’s always there, because you don’t miss your loved one any less, but it becomes easier, and it becomes less raw. You’re able to remember them more frequently with a smile, than tears, in time.
Someone said to me in the first year after I lost my DF that it’s not that the grief or loss becomes smaller, but that your life continues to grow bigger around it - it took me a while to really understand it but I do now, I see it meaning you do continue to have happy and joyful moments in your life even though you still will always miss them.

And when the big waves of grief come - bizarrely one thing I found quite helpful was just lying on the floor. I don’t know why, but somehow it helped calm me.