I've been feeling really down lately. My husband is in the military(we have been together 11 years, this is our 5th duty station) and we are currently stationed in Texas, and I honestly hate it. We have been here over a year. I do have PTSD and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), but lately I feel like depression is creeping in a bit. We will be moving next summer.
I only have one friend, and she is moving in December. I typically have a good therapist wherever I go to keep my steady, but after trying many therapists..I finally found one that works and then she resigned and got another job. I have since said screw it, and just decided to shove those emotions down until we move again until next year. I have a horse that I ride and barrel race on..and normally I find comfort in the equine community which helps me settle into the place more. But here in Texas..if you're not a part of a church, you're chopped liver. Nobody talks to me. I've never felt so discriminated against in my life. I don't buy the southern hospitality stuff, its just so fake to me. I can't even get a job here working with horses even though I have tons of professional experience. Even going to the gym , nobody ever talks to me. The medical System sucks, I've been talked down to so many times its terrible.
I have my son who I love dearly, but he's in in home ABA 30 hours a week. I have a job in mental health but its all virtual and my support team is..not so supportive. And I feel like whenever something starts to go right..it all goes to shit real quick.
I am just tired of trying. Tired of being dragged through the mud. I miss my friends back home. I miss my horse community back home. I miss being able to genuinely talk to someone without an agenda. I've given up trying to find a therapist here. I feel like I don't have much of a purpose. No I'm not suicidal, just sad.