Brother with mental health issues

[BarbaraTheThird]

My brother lives abroad but periodically has mental health issues where he will text saying he has suicidal thoughts/is in severe mental health crisis but when we suggest contacting mental health crisis lines he then back tracks or changes the subject.

When we suggest things we think will help he never listens or rarely does anything which could help him. He has an extremely negative outlook and always blames external things or people rather than consider he needs to change his approach or attitude. He has been asking for money from my parents who can't afford to support him. I sometimes feel he is (unintentionally?) manipulating us with his messages about his mental state because it changes back to normal so quickly. It's like he has no filter and just blurts out how he is feeling but the results are that we are left upset and worried by his alarming messages.

He is in this endless cycle of always ends up living back at home with my parents and then his mental state gets worse from living back at home and he starts blaming them and being unpleasant and inconsiderate.

He has always been quite obsessive. I suspect he is definitely neuro-diverse in some way. He never asks us about ourselves and so it's hard to have any kind of relationship with him.

Does anyone have experience of this type of thing? How do we have boundaries with his behaviour when he keeps mentioning suicide but also treating people badly?

Are there any services that could help him? I know they are all so oversubscribed. He is in his mid 40s now and it's getting worse.

Which country is he in currently? It’s hard to recommend services when you say he’s abroad.

Has he actually engaged with any services before and if so was it positive? I ask because so many people have poor experiences and it then makes it hard for them to reach out further down the line.

I do think you have to enforce strong boundaries though. Make it clear that if he says he’s suicidal you WILL pass that information on to get help for him. It’s too much of a burden for you all to shoulder.

Spain but likely to move back to UK. Thank you yes I think stronger boundaries are needed. Its almost become normal for us but I know its not

Oh and no he hasn't engaged which is part of the problem too. That's why I find it confusing because I would have thought he would want any help to feel better

Convincing him for a checkup is essential as this cannot suffice without his will. If he does not agree then it would be difficult for him to coorporate at the time of assessment.

I would try to discourage your parents from having him live at home again. They deserve peace. I have a relative who sounds very similar, there are no easy answers if they won’t meet you half way.