Struggling badly

[HitchensGeck]

Not sure where to begin. Been drinking far too much for many years and wondering if it’s now messed up my head. Also taken a lot of cocaine alongside it for 20+ years now.

Lost yet another job a few weeks ago. Financially useless, owe around 3k to friends and family who are asking for it. Have a partner of four years who couldn’t have done any more for us. Lovely home, expensive holidays, helped me financially when I was desperate. Partner thought that was the end but now I’ve built it back up again. Will be devastated to learn it.

I’ve barely been able to move off the sofa since lost job a few weeks ago.

Living with absolute shame and also the constant drowning in debt and unable to tell partner as I fear that’ll be the end. Selfish yet again.

I hate myself in every way. I don’t know what to do or where to turn. I’ve exhausted everyone’s patience and love.

State of the UK not helping, suicidal decisions from Govt that will see our way of life completely eroded. History tells us it and still they do it more and more.

Deleted social media today as the doom scrolling while lying down is killing me. Everything’s killing me.

Sorry to hear that you are suffering so badly OP. What help have you had so far in the way of therapy, meds or rehab?

Tried therapy , had two sessions but felt she immediately blamed my dad for everything. Even called him the C word. He wasn’t ever the most supportive or loving dad but my childhood was fine. Even if it was somehow relevant I’m not sure how she got there so fast so I stopped going.

Got GP tomorrow morning and not even sure what to say to him

That’s really good you are seeing your GP. Maybe print off your post and let him read it if you are not able to say it directly to him. Don’t downplay your situation as you clearly need urgent help. Best of luck. 💐

She doesn’t sound like a good therapist OP. They should be curious but not jumping to conclusions like that. You need to see a clinical psychologist that is used to working with your specific difficulties.

Just to add, you are not selfish or any of the other awful things you are probably thinking about yourself atm. You are ill and you need help and support. Try to think how you would treat a friend if they were in your situation and then try to be as kind to yourself. 💐

Your partner must realise something is seriously wrong if you have lost another job and you can’t get off the sofa for the last few weeks. What has he said to you about it?

Flips between wanting to help and saying it’s over

I guess it must be difficult for him as well but you need professional help. Would he be willing to pay for you to attend residential rehab?

I hate myself in every way

Hate the behaviour instead. Separate it from who you are, so that you can begin to love and value yourself. A good therapist can help you to do that.

Oh you poor thing.

Financially, could you contact Step Change and get yourself on a repayment plan?

Im glad you are seeing your GP today. Be as honest as you can. I think therapy would be good, your previous experience is unusual, your therapist should not have been talking in such a way.

Keep talking to us for support too x

That sounds very hard OP. I have a somewhat strange angle but maybe it helps; when i read your post the first thing i thought: If i lived like that for even a few months i would be dead already- i am projecting here because my health is somewhat fragile due to underlying/chronic health problems that are present even though I have a healthy lifestyle. So can you maybe turn this around and think: wow, i have treated my body like crap for ages yet i am still here and still alive. I have so much more in me still! Imagine what i could do with my life and who i could be if i took care of my body and mind?

Thanks everyone for giving me things to consider and sharing your own issues

I’ve been given 50mg of sertraline today to start with