I have Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED) and years ago I hurt my husband, have been in therapy since and it has been under control. What else can I do to improve myself? Just like depression is very real, mental illness is also very real. Google *Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED)*, it categorize under mental illness. Even when stand in court, the judge will always take mental illness into account. Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED) it really bad, when the episodes flare up it took completely control over you, you go from 0 to 100 in seconds, and the episodes are short lived too like under 5 minutes, but in that 5 minutes the harm already done to your spouse. You regret it big time afterwards, but what done is already done (caused harm to your spouse). Married 14 years, together 16 years. And this is a man that is 190cm tall and athletic body, while I'm just 148cm petite short girl. This is a man who hobbies are hunting, outdoor shooting range, mountains rock climbing, run long distance. My point is with his height and strength, he not scare of me, just like how he said he not scare of me, it because he LOVES me. He is a Love-idiot.! I was diagnosed with Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED) by my psychiatrist (psychiatrist is someone who has a medical doctor degree). My psychiatrist said it stem from my chaotic and dysfunction childhood. It terrible to live with Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED), especially when you hurting your spouse. *------------* This event already happened a long time ago and it in the past, but I still feel insanely terrible about it. In the past during one of my IED violent episode, I grabbed a big knife, a meat butcher knife in the kitchen and throw at my husband, he dodge but due to how close distance he with me, the knife cut him deep that leave a long cut on his back shoulder that he didn't stop bleeding. If he not get stitches he will continue bleed and bleed, and infections will take over the open bleeding wound. He still want to protect me, like he said, if he call the police he police will take me away from him, so he rather endure my abuse than has to lose me. ....... He also refused go to the hospital, because the hospital would know right away that is not a self inflicted wound due to the angle of the knife throw, the cut was on his shoulder but to his back as he dodge. You cannot inflicted a knife to your back. Even if you manage to, the angle of the injury the hospital will know that it someone did it to you, not yourself. He drove (I was in the car) he drove to a broke down Urgent care, this Urgent care not only broke down but most people there not even speak English. He went in and told them he does not have insurance (he has, but he said he not has as he not want to leave a paper trail), he said give him stitches he will pay them in cash and will give them a big tips. He got the stiches, and he paid in cash and leave them a big tips. He wanted to protect me the whole time. He could have call the police and have my ass throw in jail, he could go straight to the hospital and the hospital will put me in psych ward and put restrain order on me. But he didn't, even during the time where he could have die, he still protect me, he still thinks of me first above himself, he loves me that much. He said he will die with me, than has to lose me, as in the police will take me away from him if he call the police on me. I regret it so much because I leave this long scar on back of his shoulder, never once he hates me. All he asked was he said, don't abuse him anymore, and that it not too late for me to stop this abuse, because he is still living here, and it only too late if he die, then that will be too late. I bawled when I hear him he said that. That was when I decided to go to psychiatrist therapy for my Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED), and been in therapy since. I do owe him, as I should be sitting rotten in jail right now, throw a knife at someone and cause injury is a felony. This man loves me unconditionally. Out of love me, he never press charges, he still protect me times after times. I'm very lucky. He treats me with kindness, empathy, and unconditional love. His calmness (even with him bleeding out on his shoulder that need stiches to close up the open wound), his patience, the most patience man. He gives me everything, his kindness, faithfulness, respect, love. I don't want to abuse him anymore. Lifetime therapy for me working to control my Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED). I have sworn if I cause physical harm to him again I will check myself in the psych ward. --------- And my husband does go with me to my therapy sessions when his schedules allow. But most time he can't because he is an Executive at a big engineering corporate, he is very very busy with his work. But I gave my therapist my consent so she can talk to my husband about my progress. He still involve in my therapy, as he talk to my therapist on the phone about my IED conditions and my progress. He has every rights to be involve with my therapy sessions, I almost TOOK HIS LIFE.! He almost DIE because of me. It terrible, *Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED)* mental illness is very real. And I'm one damn lucky girl to have him as my husband.