No need to reply, just need to share.

[reedislands]

I do love my children. And I don’t think I’m depressed exactly. But the absolute relentlessness of it is really starting to get me down, with no real end in sight, every minute someone demanding something, even when it’s calm any second it won’t be. All the little things I took for granted are impossible most of the time.

I don’t want to sound like I’m blaming them, it isn’t their fault, they are lovely but I’m worn down and worn out. I regularly have these moments where the next decade at least feels like a prison sentence and I feel so so low about it I can hardly bear it. Other people don’t seem to feel this way at all.

Aww OP, you do sound low. The demands on your headspace are unrelenting.

Are you getting any time to yourself? I can remember having those sorts of feelings when my DCs were babies and toddlers. When DC2 was a few months old, a Pilates class started in the local community hall. I had no interest in Pilates but it was 2 minutes walk away and the class started around the time exDP got in from work
so it was the only way I could think of at the time of having an hour to myself. That 1 hour once a week made a massive difference. (And it was the start of something big - I made new friends and ended up going to the class for many years and being inspired into competitive sport).

I think any time I do get like that makes it worse as I then have to go back to noise and chaos and screaming. I went upstairs to brush my teeth and in that time they were screaming at one another and I came down to find someone had spilled cereal all over the sofa. It’s just what my life looks like and I absolutely can’t bear it. I know I’m going to get ‘what did you expect’ type posts and the honest truth is not this.

You sound overwhelmed and overstimulated. I have this too sometimes and i especially can't handle the loudness of it all. I find that Loop earplugs or noise cancelling headphones really help. I can still hear them but it doesn't fry my nervous system.

I bought those but didn’t find they helped. Not sure where they are now actually haha! Maybe I should try again.

Very quick response as rushing but I’ve started following motherway on instagram. She’s recently talked about psychological hungers that need to be met. From the lens of being a mum. While mine are older now it really resonated with me. Might be worth a look.

I remember feeling exactly like this for a period when mine were young. The burnout is real. It does get much, much easier, or at least it did for me. But I also know that’s no comfort when you’re in the thick of it. If I could go back I’d try to do everything I could to exercise every day and get 8 hours sleep a night. But I know that’s easier said than done.

Is there any respite you can get? Do u have the option of a baby sitter, extending after school or childcare provision, putting them to bed earlier, making them get up later? I sm in my 50s. I don't think our parents would have experienced this. I am one of 5, money was very tight. My mom and dad did work as a team though. U matter OP.

Thing is, they have to come home sometimes and get up sometimes and their waking hours are just awful, if I’m honest, and any respite I can get is both short lived and expensive.

I also feel this way op. Don’t enjoy parenting. Love my kids but life seems to be about getting through the day at work and then being a slave to little kids rather than enjoying it.

100%

Do your children sleep? what time they in bed for and getting up at? Do you actually have time for yourself? How old are they?

I hope you don't m ind me posting, I never had kids. However my late DM was very honest about how she had disliked the early years with us and described exactly what you have said. Then when we hit our teen years she actually really was the best mum ever and she really enjoyed being around us to the point we had to shake her off!

I don’t mind anyone posting I just wanted to vent. I don’t know why I’m finding it all so hard and to be endured rather than enjoyed.