Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Anyone else need to live a really boring life just to stay mentally well?

9 replies

Sparklesbigtoe · 13/09/2026 11:11

I’ve suffered from depression on and off all my life but 6 years ago had by far the worst breakdown I’ve ever had. It went on for 2 years and involved substance abuse, self-harm and a suicide attempt. I was abandoned by my partner and multiple friends. I ended up completely alone. Slowly, over the course of a couple of years, I managed to build my life back up to a place I never thought I’d be: reasonably content, peaceful, with consistent reasonably content moods every day. I came out the other side with giant walls up though and an inability to let anyone in. I went from being an emotional wreck, crying every day, feeling everything so intensely, to feeling kinda numb/flat most days. I rarely feel down anymore, I can’t remember the last time I cried. I even feel reasonably positive most days, or maybe better described as a feeling of being at peace. I haven’t got this way through therapy, I haven’t had any for years. I am on SSRIs but I was also on them when I was I was an emotional wreck every day, so I don’t think it’s them. I think it’s my decision to lead what I call a very “beige” life. It’s the only way I can feel emotionally safe. I went from big highs and lows, lots of friends, lots of drama, constant arguments with my partner, but also, I was fun, excited about life, interesting to talk to. Now I’m a boring fucker whose weekend highlight is pulling an extra large weed out the garden! I’ve cut out anyone who didn’t bring positively to my life, which has left one friend and some family (although most cut me out first!) I spend almost all my time alone or with my young son. I’m able to be a much better parent now, which was the most important thing to me, and I do do lots of fun things with my son, usually nature-based stuff, which we both love. I feel a deep sense of relief and gratitude a lot, that I don’t have to deal with rejection or judgment from people because they’re no longer in my life to reject or judge. I know I’ve become boring, my social skills have suffered, and I’ve gone inside my shell a lot. I feel like my sparkle is still in there, buried deep, and I do worry that sometimes I’ll never see it again. But on the other hand, I think back to the dark times and this life feels like bliss in comparison. I even occasionally dare to think I’ve “cured” myself of depression. But is living such a beige life the trade off?? Cos I don’t think this is healthy long-term…anyone else had a similar experience? I think the self-isolating is a direct result, in my case, of being deeply betrayed & let down by multiple people close to me

OP posts:
Knockingatthedoor · 13/09/2026 15:08

Oh.i can identify with this OP.
A constant battle between mental stability and the knowledge I am much more than this. There is much more to me, I.have much more to offer. But the mentsl anguish and suffering ultimately is so painful I just keep myself to.myself as much as possible.

QueenSmartypants · 13/09/2026 15:14

I've been through a breakdown too and like you came out of it OK, but boring. I thought my sparkle was gone forever, but it's started to resurface.

I think the boring, consistent routine provides a stable groundwork which you build on and as you continue to recover your world gets a bit bigger and you're safe enough for the old you to come out again .

Cyco · 13/09/2026 16:01

Wow, I could have written much of this myself, so thanks for doing the typing, OP 😊But you know what? We deserve this peace. And you are allowed to embrace your new, quiet life and let your sparkle come back naturally, in its own good time, maybe in a new form or outlet.

I had a full decade of shitfulness -- divorce, deaths of parents and several friends, other "friends" badmouthing me and having to be dumped, ADs fogging my brain and menopause exacerbating my already rubbish executive function. Swept away by an avalanche is how I felt. Now, I'm becalmed. Long walks, no ADs, no booze. Light social contact with a few local buddies only. No needless drama or intrusive questions.

When my DBro berated me for being boring, I merely smirked and went back to reading the newspaper. He doesn't know that since my brain cooled down and my intuition returned I've written a novel, four short stories, a 30-ep TV series and have started three new projects. My life might look beige to some, but to me it's the rainbow after the storm.

Theolittle · 13/09/2026 16:06

The sad thing nowadays is the competitive pressure to always be doing something fabulous, momentous, challenging, instagrammable. Even with the outdoors in nature stuff ( bagging wainwrights etc). It’s all bollocks. Be content and enjoy the simple things, and cease to give a shit!

Justanopinionnothingmore · 13/09/2026 16:09

Beige life is bliss op.

I never want my peace ruined ever again.

Bufftailed · 13/09/2026 17:01

I actually think this sounds inspiring. It’s making me think about shifting things as my depression and anxiety comes and goes. More often comes

But you message does mention you don’t think this is healthy long term. Could you start to build up slowly. I put myself out there a lot (clubs/ social things) and it creates anxiety, so I think I need to rebalance

LaLaBland · 13/09/2026 17:27

This really resonates. Thanks for postingA

I'm the same. I'm struggling to accept it because I loved many highs (and lows) and probably used too much alcohol etc. Now I realise if I embrace the beige, sit down watch a nature program, have a cup of tea and an early night I'm in a much better place mentally.

I'm trying to find my sparkle in other ways - such as exercise or wearing a nice outfit when I leave the house - but it is tough not to just stay at home and vegetate.

Embrace what brings you happiness and health.

unsync · 13/09/2026 18:03

I think of it more as a small, quiet life. I do better with routine and consistency. It keeps me on an even keel. I go to the gym where I have a small group of gym buddies, I see one good friend once a week and the other good friend once a month. I try to limit my interactions with people because frankly, I just can't be bothered anymore. It's just me and my dog. I'm struggling at the moment due to bereavement, but that will pass at some point.

AlwaysSometimesNever · 13/09/2026 18:09

Absolutely.
Awful past trauma.
I don’t even like going on holiday.
Work, not in a senior role even though I’m qualified for it. My garden, dogs, family. Going out for the odd coffee, good books. Bit of running and strength training, yoga. That’s it.
I feel so scarred that much more just sets off awful thoughts and feelings.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page