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Still struggling with being ripped off by rogue tradesmen, can't concentrate on anything

4 replies

LazyBones500 · 10/09/2026 12:36

Sorry, this is long but I'm internally a tempest right now.

Over a year ago I allowed someone and his "colleagues" to do some work on my property, the results of which were mediocre and not worth the £9500 I paid them. They painted blackjack alongside my house, laid a line of cement under the earth parallel to where they painted the side of the house and called it "waterproofing" and charged me £5000 for it. I stupidly believed what they'd told me, they had a Checkatrade account with positive reviews that I turned to despite having doubts - I have long since suspected they got their mates and family members to put in those positive reviews to give the veneer or reputability.

They then offered to "waterproof" the rear of my house which simply involved plugging some mortar into some gaps between my paving stones and filling a large hole next to my patio with gravel and splashing some cement on the inside of it before tossing dirt on top to finish.

They pressured me to pay them £4500 over the phone just before I started work. To be honest alarm bells had started ringing but I was afraid to say no because I'd left them alone on my property. Advice sites tell you not to give these people money upfront before they start work but a lot of tradesmen say they need a deposit for the work. They sent me a single photo of the filled hole as proof that the job had been completed.

Afterwards initially I was in a state of denial; 'these people are local, I've seen them before, surely they'd do this properly' then I told my mother about it and her jaw dropped. Then I looked at the ugly black block of paint across the side of my house, the lazily applied mortar between my paving stones, and the refilled hole covered by dirt (I later dug it up and discovered the extent of the half-arsery)

I tried contacting the bank to get the money back but it was too late. I tried contacting the bodgers themselves saying I was unhappy, which of course they brushed me off, arguing that initially I'd been happy and left a good review (which I since rescinded) they messed me around saying they'd pay back some of the money (they didn't), and that they'd come over and take photos of the work and discuss things (they didn't, and frankly I didn't want them back on my property) and that I would contact Citizens Advice, which I did, who said they'd pass it along to Trading Standards but the agent said to me that I was very unlikely to have as case as I'd already handed the money over.

I'd have to have paid another £500 to get a small claims going, and I was nearly wiped out by paying the bodgers so I wasn't confident in chucking another £500 at something I was unlikely to win. They had no business address but through FB stalking I was able to ascertain where they live - if I pursued this legally I'm sure that fact would not reflect well on me.

The dreadful thing about this is that I've been getting thoughts about doing things, which I know are wrong and would make things worse but they're literally living in the same town as me and probably doing this to other people, and I haven't said anything too publicly because they're part of a large family and any criticism they've received on the local FB group has been, I suspect, mass-reported into deletion whenever they slip up and are caught on someone's camera.

It's been over a year, I still have the FB messages but he used phone calls most of the time (to cover his tracks, obviously) and I deleted the texts, not that there were many.

I feel so stupid for trusting these people too readily, there were red flags I should have seen and this entire year has been consumed by "how can I get my money back?", "what if I tried this". I haven't been anywhere or done anything, I don't want to enjoy anything, my thoughts are just "how do I make this right again?" People have commented that I've become distant and my concentration has dropped. I sometimes struggled with my concentration before but now it's worse. My family have been somewhat supportive, they bought me a driveway camera but they didn't seem confident that I'd get my money back and aside from some initial questions each time I visited have just dropped the matter.

I could've invested that money instead of throwing it at them. I don't know how I can move forward, I've become hyper-fixated on this.

Still struggling with being ripped off by rogue tradesmen, can't concentrate on anything
Still struggling with being ripped off by rogue tradesmen, can't concentrate on anything
Still struggling with being ripped off by rogue tradesmen, can't concentrate on anything
OP posts:
DeterminedRat · 10/09/2026 12:47

You have to look at it like do you want to let these people take away your life and happiness as well? Being scammed is over, it's done and at this point there is probably nothing that can be done but you can start building back your life again, starting to enjoy your life again that is under your control. You don't have to let them take that away from you too.

I understand that it is difficult I have a very strong sense of justice as well and have been like a dog with a bone in the past when I have been wronged, I've taken landlords to court, chased up politicians until they got sick of me and sorted my issues etc etc. In some cases though you do just have to ask yourself if it is worth all that you are giving to it, in your case your enjoyment for life.

AmberTigerEyes · 10/09/2026 12:51

It’s still fairly fresh and for what it’s worth, I think you’re having a natural reaction to being conned. It’s part of our wiring to try and figure out why a bad thing happened and how to correct it and/or avoid it in future.

You aren’t stupid at all. You were taken advantage of by these cowboy contractors.

Unfortunately, their crimes are too small for the police to take seriously so they are able to make a living cheating others and you are not likely to see any of your money back. I am sure many others in your town have been conned by them, but the shame keeps people from talking about it.

To end hyper-fixating on it, you need to tell yourself you did nothing wrong, and that dwelling on it is a kind of mental self-punishment. You’re the victim here, so why go through I should have this, I should do that? You need to arrive at a place where you accept it happened, you were not at fault and move on.

glassanimals · 10/09/2026 12:54

Hopefully someone else will come along with practical advice on how to resolve the situation, but I can relate to this in terms of the mental health impact.

I have tried to reframe similar situations by realising that these people have taken enough from me already and I will not let them take any more or damage my mental health. The best ‘revenge’ is to live well and focus on yourself, being grateful that you aren’t a low-life like them and can sleep well knowing you don’t go around scamming people, which they can’t! Focus on what you can control rather than what you can’t.

Time does heal to an extent once you make the decision to stop letting it continue to affect your life. It doesn’t fully go away and you will still get random reminders of the situation popping into your head and think ‘why did I do that’, but the pain lessens and can be drowned out by positive things that have happened since then. You have gained life experience about how to deal with tradespeople, and the amount of money is painful now but relatively small over your entire lifetime.

You can get through it but you have to choose to take control and stop giving them your precious headspace!

Apologies if that sounds oversimplified but that’s the way I have approached some similar situations. Best of luck.

imanastronaut · 10/09/2026 12:56

Getting scammed really sucks. I was scammed for some concert tickets a year ago and should’ve realised, I reported it all to the police because the person doing it (bizarrely) was a teacher on their own profile! I got nowhere but it really upset me for a year or so

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