Don't know how I can help ...

[Momlife86]

A long one.
My brother (DB) suffers with paranoid schizophrenia, he was diagnosed when he was 25.
It was a long road of him spiralling and what I now know was psychosis before things came to a head & after an incident he ended up in a mental institution.
After a few months he was discharged and went to live with family.
We've now had 14 years of him taking his meds, feeling ok, coming off meds, spiralling & repeat.
He has become reliant on alcohol over the years and is now an alcoholic.
The past 3 years have been particularly tough. He tried comitting suicide, has been in and out of hospital tons of times.
Last year he had a really bad psychosis & ended up hospitalised.
He had turned incredibly violent & for (their) safety, he had to leave the family home.
He has spent the past 8 months staying between homes but due to his behaviour, he has burnt all bridges now and is completely homeless.
He has threatened family, robbed money, will be verbally agressive and threatening.
Me and DH tried to help over the years, Drs appointments, money, company, the same with other siblings.
I'm now at the point where I can't help anymore.
It's the case of you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.
However I will get texts everyday asking for help and I will ask 'how can I help?'... the answer is always money which will be spent on booze.
If I don't help I get called evil, a c**t & every name under the sun.
I get texts saying he's going to kill himself so I will say he needs to go to speak to someone but it just gets ignored.
He has text today saying he is going to kill himself tomorrow so I've said he needs to go speak to someone (I'm not in the same country as him right now).

I've got to the point of I don't know what I can do.
We've all tried to help but nothing improves, it's just getting worse and worse.
I would love to see his life turned around but if I'm being honest, I don't see that happening anymore. Maybe a few years ago but not now.

I feel like it's just going to get to the point where we get a phone call that something has happened.

I guess my questions are, at what point do you stop trying to help someone?
I still engage with him but it doesn't help (him or me).
Part of me wants to cut him off but the other part of me feels sorry for him, that this is how his life is.
That is something were to happen, would I be happy with myself for my actions.
Do I keep engaging so I can be comfortable in my own self that I did all I could?

He'll often say I don't care which isn't true, I do, but he doesn't care that all this is draining on others too.

Thanks for reading.

It's the case of you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

I'm very sorry. It is very upsetting when you can see how someone you care about could live more happily, but they won't take the needed steps.

You and everyone around him have really given a lot, and have suffered for it. You can't martyr yourself. This would only increase the damage to everybody else. You're right to hold a distance.

Yes, you can offer emotional support by phone, if you can stand to do it and it helps you feel like you're trying. But please don't cut pieces off yourself (emotionally or financially) to plug his gaps. This won't work anyway.

If you have difficulty setting and defending boundaries, I strongly recommend a few counselling sessions to learn the tools you need to feel strong and balanced.

Thank you very much @GarlicAnything

I ended up telling him today that I won't be in any further contact until he has gone to rehab as until then, I can't be of any help.
I had to block him as his messages were getting increasingly nasty about my life.

It just weighs on me as I'm genuinely sad that his life has turned out this way but he has had help from many many people and he can't see it. He is convinced all of his family are against him, want to have him committed and to see him die.
It's awful and I know it's part of his illness but it's still sad to see someone turn out this way.

Thanks for reading and replying and hopefully things improve for him.