DHs Mental Health

[FrankieNeverRelax]

My husband suffers from various mental health issues including OCD (very health focused), depression, anxiety disorder, social anxiety and ADHD. A lot of it stems from childhood trauma (he had it very rough growing up).

I however have been fortunate to never suffer from any mental health issues and my brain is very logical and I don’t really lead with emotions (possible on the spectrum I’ve been offered to be diagnosed but I see no point as nothing would change). Sometimes where I’m so logical and he leads entirely on feelings it can be really hard for me to be empathetic and I find myself frustrated that he can’t think like me which I know is selfish and I try not to show this frustration.

one of the issues we are having is sorting meds for sample ADHD meds make his OCD worse. Depression meds made his anxiety worse etc etc. Basically I wondered if anyone has advice on

a) how I can be more supportive/understanding and get less frustrated
b) how you prioritise which condition to medicate and what should we be asking the doctors for because it feels like nobody wants to take responsibility and help

Side note he’s an incredible husband and dad and he works so hard to make sure our kids are shielded from all of this

This sounds really hard. I am a bit like your DH and my DH is more like you, very level headed and no mental illness challenges. I have no real experience with medications, does your DH have a good therapist that can help navigate what needs medical treatment? I know that depression meds tend to increase anxiety in the start up phase but that should only last for a few weeks. I would not try different medications at the same time so maybe he should only take the antidepressants and give it some time to work, and then it if doesnt change things for the better in a few months he can review and maybe taper off and start ADHD meds? I think anxiety and depression treatment should be prioritized as ADHD is probably less immediately problematic if you see what i mean? (As in, he can still seek treatment for this after anxiety and depression are stabilized). I also learned with my DS that sometimes trauma ( in his case medical trauma) shows up as ADHD symptoms without it actually being ADHD. It's more like a dysregulated nervous system.

As for your second question, is there someone that takes care of you too when your husband isnt feeling well? A therapist/friend/family member? And do you have special time just for you carved out like a hobby or or sports etc?

Encourage and take him down the road of forgetfulness.
I have had alot truama myself in the past i got into fights everyday and was severely builled for years. I forgot all of it and drew a line in the sand. Your husband must do the same. Or the past will continue to haunt him.