I don't know where to start.
I've been suffering from anxiety, mainly health anxiety, and OCD for years. At the moment, for the last 12 weeks or so it's been really bad. I have this existential OCD and thanataphobia-which is phobia of death. It's all I think about all day every day, I feel sick constantly, my hearts always pounding, heart palpitations, sweating, dizziness. I feel like my insides are constantly shaking..terrified of dying. I can never breathe properly. Any pains I get int chest or my head I automatically start hyperventilating. If I see someone young my ages has suddenly died, I always think I am next.
I have a little boy who has got autism and he is non verbal and he had very limited understanding. I'm a single parent and we live alone. I can't cope. I'm always worrying that my heart will stop or I'll have a brain aneurysm and die and he will be all alone and what will he do without me.
I can't drive anymore, I cant go out, even shopping makes me feel ill cos I'm worrying. Im worrying about nuclear war, freak accidents, and choking to death. Literally anything that will kill me.
No one understands, my son's dad, my parents, all laugh at me and tell me to stop being silly. My Dr tells me I'm physically healthy despite being very very overweight. I think they've had enough of me too. I don't no what to do and how can I go on like this? I want to live my life. Death is inevitable so why can I not just stop thinking and panicking. The thought that I will die one day and cease to exist fills me with terror and I don't want to. I can't comprehend it.
I've also developed trichotillomania which is hair pulling disorder, closely associated with OCD and anxiety. I have no hair left on my head, I've pulled it all out and it's sore and horrible looking. I'm so ashamed of my self but I don't know why I can't just stop it. I guess, I just want someone who has had this and had come out the other side. I just feel so alone.
Please any one 😕