I don't get mad and I don't understand how anger can be a good thing

[Necoblast]

I don't get mad, even if I hear about something terrible, I don't get mad. I had anger issues when I was in elementary school, so I learned how to control anger. However, it seems that my relationship with anger maybe is not normal. As far as I know, people are supposed to feel anger and express it. Well, I don't know how people are supposed to be angry in a non destructive way. It seems that anger is a byproduct from our monkey days and it has no real purpose except for tempting you into doing bad things and thinking bad thoughts and judging people (in my culture judging people is bad)
I hear that anger is “completely healthy and normal” but I have no idea how anger is even remotely healthy.
Anger is only used by authorities to scare others into doing what they tell them to do (which is not a nice thing to do). If someone with no position of authority acts angry, it is seen as pathetic, annoying, funny, or kind of cute.
Somebody please explain to me how anger is actually not a bad thing and how it is not foolish and immoral to show or feel anger.

Anger is just an emotion. Feeling it is normal.
The fact you say you can control anger, means you still feel anger.
You are normal.

There are ways to react to anger that are not destructive and do not involve bad actions or words.

Anger can be a great motivation for societal change.
Most peaceful protests come from feeling anger- angry about humans wrecking the environment, angry about corrupt government officials, angry about austerity pushing people into poverty, angry about selling weapons to a country committing a genocide, angry about the erosion of women’s rights, angry about the cuts to SEN provisions for disabled children, angry about air pollution killing children, angry about water execs getting fat bonuses for pumping raw sewage into rivers and the sea,

Anger isn’t bad, it how you react to the anger and whether that energy can be channelled into positive action that counts.

Anger is a normal, healthy & sometimes very useful human emotion.

It enforces boundaries, lets people know when they have crossed lines, enables us to stand up to bullies, forces others to take us seriously and intimidates those who we want to be wary of us. I learned this from my DP who, 99% of the time, is a lovely calm placid guy. And the other 1% of the time is absolutely not someone you want to get on the wrong side of, as many have found to their cost.

Some of the most useful words in the English language are ‘No’ & ‘Fuck off’ when delivered with the right level of anger.

Anger is just a feeling, not good or bad.
It's how you handle it that becomes the issue.
If you try and numb the feels, or lash out, it's destructive.
If you use it to motivate or defend, it's a productive emotion.
It's your choice if you wallow in the angry feelings, or harness them to drive new behaviours or better options.

I agree with you op. Anger is destructive, and makes us want to cause harm in some way, to others or ourselves. I understand those that say anger gives us the energy to act, but I’d say it’s actually compassion that does that. When we think of activism, and setting boundaries, angry people are often not that compelling to listen to, in fact it’s very offputting. Calm and collected, but assertive and clear is far more effective. We don’t need anger to help us do that.

You're right. In previous times anger was essential to provide the physical strength needed to fight off predators or attackers. Now we need logical and emotional skills to deal with the things we disagree with, not the ability to thump them.

'I had anger issues when I was in elementary school, so I learned how to control anger'

You learned how to control anger, or you learned that it was something you shouldn't have so you buried it away and now can't feel it anymore?

Anger is a normal human emotion. It's part of a warning system that keeps you safe, that helps you to know when you need to take action. I don't mean violent or aggressive action necessarily, but maybe you need to effect some kind of change

In order to control your anger you are obviously still recognising it within you and feeling it.

You choose to suppress it whereas others are happy to feel it.

It’s a totally normally emotion.

As long as it’s not used in a way that is destructive to others (violence, fear or destruction) then it is fine for a person to use that emotion in a way that demonstrates how they are feeling.

A lot of people would say that internalising anger rather than displaying it is not healthy.

Everyone has their own way of releasing their feelings of frustration, upset and disappointment, which is usually what anger is made of.

Anger is just an emotion.

You have blown it out of proportion in your head as something to be scared of.

Most people who 'control' their anger are actually suppressing it and that is when it builds up and becomes something else - internalised sadness/ anxiety/ fear/ resentment or whatever.

When you refuse to acknowledge a feeling, it doesn't go away, it just changes.

Anger in itself isn't healthy or unhealthy, it's just a feeling. What is healthy/ unhealthy is what we do with it and how we acknowledge and process it.

Refusing to acknowledge and process it is really no more healthy as a way of dealing with it than punching a wall.

Anger is healthy or it can be because it can lead to positive change.
Rage is unhealthy because it produces only negative outcomes.

I didn't feel anger until my 40s- and then I realised how much I'd been suppressing my feelings throughout my life. Anger had been morphing into upset because I wasn't taught how to be angry. Allowing myself to feel it honestly and to vocalise that feeling has been immeasurably helpful for all my relationships- I can talk things through more clearly and better articulate myself.
It doesn't mean I raise my voice or lose control, I don't ever do those things. It's just a feeling which I can recognise and analyse.

I often run at low level angry, and say that people should be more worried about my emotions when I cease to be angry. Particularly at work, it’s what drives me to come up with new ways of doing things and general improvements.

I think a life without anger would just mean I don’t care at all, and that feels sad.

This is rather tangential
, but I had noticed myself feeling more angry back in early summer.At the same time, I identified a few health issues which all seemed to lead back to not getting enough protein in my diet. I have noticed that with my regular protein increase, I definitely feel less activated. My takeaway from this is that getting enough protein definitely helps the nervous system and can sometimes be quite fast acting. I thought I would mention it because so much is made of having a balanced diet, yet insufficient emphasis is placed on getting enough protein.

I very rarely get angry and it never usually lasts for very long.

Most of the time that I get angry it's because of people taking advantage of people I care about especially when they are more vulnerable or the other person is a position of power.

In most cases rather than letting anger fester I would rather feel that ripple of anger and then fire it towards something more constructive.

I'm used to things being unchangeable and being unable to do anything about it. Why get mad about something that you can't do anything about? Also I don't know how to feel angry.

Agree with this ⬆️
Anger is just a physical feeling, elicited when a boundary has been crossed, and like all human emotions, it’s incredibly useful information!
It’s hard to know what you were wanting from your post, OP. It sounds like you have been numbed or alienated from experiencing your own anger, rather than that you’ve transcended it.

Anger is a healthy emotion. Violence is the unhealthy acting out of that emotion.

You can feel angry that your child is being bullied, for example, and have the healthy action of meeting with school to discuss how they are handling it. Or tach your child self assertion. Or help them find good friends in clubs outside school.

You can feel angry about certain laws or the erosion of rights, and react by campaigning peacefully or writing and speaking persuasively for change.

Very occasionally, showing anger is important. I have a shouting row with my husband every 5 years or so. This is usually the result of a build up of something really wrong that has not changed due to calm discussion. I'd rather upset him once every 5 years if it makes our lives better and stops me carrying around a build up of resentment against him.

Anger can tell me I'm not being treated well and let me take action to protect myself or stand up for myself. Over reaction or internalisation isn't good but proportionate anger can serve a purpose.