Im a 33 year old female.
Suffered with Generalised anxiety and severe emetophobia pretty much all of my life. My parents have anxiety issues but due to their generational outlook they dont "believe" in mental health. Slowly they are seeing it IS a real thing and are understanding it. For this reason I was always encouraged to pray about things instead of seeking help (religious background).
Theres too much to go into in regards to my health issues but 10 yrs ago after being healthy all my life I caught a stomach virus which gifted me lifelong IBS. This changed my life and due to doctors swerving any kind of important tests (colonoscopy etc) I had to manage 7 yrs of horrific diarrhea, pain, weight loss whilst doing a Masters degree and working part time.
Covid lockdown was actually the best thing for me as I had one yr to recover from the debilitating symptoms and stress that came along with uni, work and my illness. I recovered slightly and went into intermittent remissions for one yr.
In 2021 I started to feel so much better after a couple yrs rest so moved to London with a friend (im a part time musician) and got a full time job. For a few months things were perfect. I felt like a new person and made all these new friends I did shows with..
Then things got terrible. I collapsed out of nowhere in a supermarket with top tier abdominal pain. I was petrified and admitted myself to hospital where they once again performed all the wrong tests and diagnosed me with "acid reflux". I was misdiagnosed for weeks until I finally asked them to test for gallbladder as my dad had complications at my age. Voila - I hit the target. They confirmed i had acute gallstone pancreatitis. I wasnt allowed out the hospital for over a week as my body was very sick and they informed I needed emergency gallbladder removal.
This, though lifesaving for the initial problem has made my ibs 10000x worse. I was finally diagnosed with ibs in late 2023 via colonoscopy.
I considered moving back home with my parents a few times , they constantly remind me I can go back to the country to live with them but the go-getter in me always wanted my own life and at 30 I wanted independence. I took a dive 3 yrs ago and somehow secured an apartment in the city and a fast paced call centre job for emergency services. I also met an amazing guy. Ive been so sick in the last 3 yrs of working here, with nausea, reflux, severe ibs, fatigue and general fatigue. I work up to 40hrs per week. But ive managed only one sick day per yr in fear of losing my job.
The stress in the job along with the corporate toxicity is finally getting to me and for the first time in my life im suffering what appear to be panic attacks- for those who have suffered these you have all my sympathies. I underestimated them a great deal and wouldnt wish them on anyone. I get disassociated, clammy, nauseated and completely in a trance. Im also achy and generally hypersensitive on a constant basis and this morning upon waking up after a good 9 hr sleep its like my body switches on and every single motor Neurone and muscle in my body is ready to go fight a bear.
The symptoms go in waves, some days I feel absolutely fine but 5/7 days i feel like im 70 yrs old, joins and aches and seemingly catch short lived viruses every few weeks ; am I chronically ill or chronically stressed?
I tried applying for personal independence payment as I literally couldn't work without running to the bathroom constantly a couple months back and had the most dismissive response suggesting I was faking it. This has further discouraged me into seeking help and I fear I may be on my way into a colossal breakdown.
Any advice welcome