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Brother cut us off

3 replies

peetieswie · Yesterday 20:07

Hi. Just wondered if anyone had any advice. I'll try and summarise.
Brother has always been selfish and I suspect a narcissist. Doesn't ever ask questions, self important and shows no interest in others.
He's always been a big drinker. Had numerous affairs before he and his wife separated. They have one daughter and she's since had a daughter with someone else.
He moved from abroad to the UK. He owned a business that wasn't doing that well but now makes nothing. They sold their house in the divorce and he lived off the profits and then when that ran out he borrowed money off my mum. He became increasingly hostile and demanding, stopped seeing us and once he'd borrowed £31,000 she said no more. He has been aggressive and threatening.
He tried to get me to agree with him that she was mentally unwell, cruel and unkind. I didn't and then when I told him he had to stop asking her for money and get a job himself he cut me off and I haven't seen my niece since. Last November. She suffers with stomach aches and this can be a sign of stress so in January I made an anonymous referral to social services. They made it really obvious it was me.
He did go to AA for while but then started drinking again. He never really showed much progress but used AA as something to show off about for a while.
He rents and has debt. We know because mum got letters for him to her house about huge debts.
I really miss my niece. If mum dies he will also inherit half of her house. I'm worried my niece will get nothing. I've told my mum to put his daughter to inherit instead of him. I imagine he's taking out loans assuming he can pay it off when she dies (she's old but not ill)
Any advice? I contacted his ex to no success. My niece is missing out on knowing my children. I don't know what's happening with his rental or loans. I don't know how this will play out and how much to push my mum on changing her will.

OP posts:
Darragon · Today 03:59

Drop the rope. Your mum should take what he owes her out of his inheritance. You shouldn’t be advising her who to leave her money to or alienating her from her son. It’s clear you don’t like him so stop trying to contact his ex (ffs) or make vexatious SS referrals, just leave them alone. You don’t seem concerned for the niece’s welfare at all you just miss her, well that’s the price you pay for falling out with her dad and accusing him of being a narcissist. Sorry but you’re not an innocent party here.

peetieswie · Today 18:10

Those are bold claims given you haven't met him, seen his messages or his messages or phone calls to my mother. Bullying an elderly lady to give you money is abuse. Having her phone me in tears and worried about her finances and yet your comment suggests he's done nothing wrong? The reason I was concerned about my niece is that he is an alcoholic with 50/50 custody, shows evidence of controlling behaviour and she has had unexplained stomach pains indicating she is stressed. Making a referral is the only way I can try and make sure someone is watching out for her when I can't.

OP posts:
peetieswie · Today 18:11

And I contacted his ex twice. She replied the first time not the second. Why is that a ffs? If the man who had my child half the time have huge debt and no income and may become homeless I think I'd want to know

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