Severe anxiety every day

[MissMeWThSh]

I am struggling so much with anxiety every day. I recently left a job that I was at for a decade, for my dream career, but I didn't cope with the change well and I've had daily anxiety ever since. I'm no stranger to anxiety and depression but neither have reared their ugly heads much since the pandemic.

I absolutely love my work and I'm so excited to be here and really proud of myself that I made it happen. I worked hard to qualify for it, alongside working full time with a child, so I have the right to be proud. But every day I am full of fear that I am not good enough at it. I've been here for 10 months, passed probation, have good feedback, but the imposter syndrome is so severe. I am convinced people only give me good feedback because they feel sorry for me and secretly they are planning my dismissal, even though I have evidence that they are invested in my professional development.

This feeling has started to seep into my personal life. My house could do with re decorating but we never seem to get round to it so now I feel ashamed at how drab it's looking. I feel I am not a good enough mum to my child. Or an attentive enough wife to my husband. The anxiety manifests itself as a constant feeling of fear in my stomach, sometimes chest pains, irritability, but most of all I just feel scared all the time, especially when I have an unread email or Teams message.

Something that is making this worse is that my employer currently has a mandated WFH season. A dream to many but one of the reasons I left my old role is because it was fully remote and I felt I was going a bit mad being cooped up in the house all day. I am considering working in a nearby Starbucks but unsure if my employer would be ok with that. I love WFH but lately it has been making me feel very isolated.

I did used to pay privately for therapy but can't quite afford it these days, so I'm on the NHS waiting list but it's been weeks now and I've been feeling this way for about ten months. I need to find ways to break up my day when I WFH but I feel stuck in such a funk that I struggle to motivate to do anything but sit at my desk and doom scroll. Today I am endeavouring to put my bloody phone in another room on silent because not only does it make my anxiety worse, it's a huge distraction and causes me to make mistakes in my work.

I'm worried I can't go on much like this. I'm so drained and everything is such an enormous effort, brushing my teeth or getting dressed just seems so cumbersome.

Some of us have dodgy brain chemistry… I tried St John’s Wort and that worked for a while along with good diet, Excercise, on wfh days I stop and do x10 kettle bell squats every hour .. including overhead.. that takes away the sitting all the time guilt. I’ve been on lexapro or ecitoprazolam for over 5 years and that keeps the anxiety under control.. go to your GP?

Start simple.

Are you on medication? If not, St John's Wort has been amazing for my anxiety for years, but check whether you can take it with any other meds you need.

Does your employer have a staff support account with any external companies for things like free telephone counselling? I've found them to be amazing when I've used them.

Failing that, the Samaritans are wonderful and you'll be talking to real humans.

Put on the radio or TV in the house when you're working. I have an Alexa Show in my home office and play things like Jurassic Park in the background 😂. I'm not watching it, but it's a familiar film.

I start earlier in the morning on a bad day so I cam finish early.

Make sure you take your lunch. Every day. Sit outside or walk in this weather while we have it.

Make a point of speaking to a human outside your family every day. Even a minute in passing makes a huge difference.

Reading this, it doesn't sound like you're failing at all. It sounds like you've been running on anxiety for a long time and it's finally catching up with you. You've already achieved so much, even if your mind won't let you believe it. Please keep chasing up the therapy referral, and if things keep feeling this overwhelming, I'd also speak to your GP again. You shouldn't have to carry this on your own.

I found Fluoxetine worked very quickly (within days) for my moderate to severe anxiety. That might be worth talking to your doctor about. It literally changed my life (and, interestingly, I asked to try it because I’d heard someone else say it had transformed their life).

Anxiety is the emotion that is triggered when there is something that's too important to ignore. It's very useful in reminding you to check that you've got your passport before you leave for the airport but less helpful in your situation, when it is running on incorrect information.

You have empirical evidence that you ARE good enough but your subconscious is still trying to protect you from the worst case scenario. Sometimes the simplest way of providing it wrong is to physically write down your imaginary fears and then using the logical side of you brain to refute them (and do write, rather than type). This is a useful template;

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/ThoughtRecordSheet7.pdf

Also this video on anxiety is really helpful in explaining what anxiety is and how to work with it rather than to fear it.

Anxiety is the emotion that is triggered when there is something that's too important to ignore. It's very useful in reminding you to check that you've got your passport before you leave for the airport but less helpful in your situation, when it is running on incorrect information.

You have empirical evidence that you ARE good enough but your subconscious is still trying to protect you from the worst case scenario. Sometimes the simplest way of providing it wrong is to physically write down your imaginary fears and then using the logical side of you brain to refute them (and do write, rather than type). This is a useful template;

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/ThoughtRecordSheet7.pdf

Also this video on anxiety is really helpful in explaining what anxiety is and how to work with it rather than to fear it.

You could try using a body doubling website to work alongside you at home? That might be helpful.
Play radio or podcast or tv from another room for back ground hub bub.
Set a timer and work in batches. 45 mins on and then a 15 min hot shoe shuffle to get laundry on, dishwasher or a quick burst of squats/high knees or cup or coffee or lunch prep etc. Stop and do some breathing or mediation exercises or stop to write lists down or stop to journal and bin the stressed thoughts?
You could face time or zoom someone else working from home and have them on the screen in the background so you can ignore each other but also chat a bit?