Can I ask about your experiences with antidepressants?

[Coffeeisnotmycupoftea]

I didn't want to put this on the Mental Health board as I assume most people on there are in my position and needing help, I wanted to ask this as an all round question to not only people in full mental health crisis right now but also those who may have found themselves on the other side and feeling well again.

I think that I need to try anti-depressants but every time I try I am wracked with fear to the point that I just can't do it. I know I need to grow up but I am genuinely paralyzed with fear.

As I type this I appreciate that it must seem ridiculous to many people and I am fully aware that it is more than likely my poor mental health talking me out of it all but I just can't do it.

It's not about the stigma of mental health medication, I honestly couldn't give a toss about that, nor is it the fear of being 'hooked' on these meds because tbh, if they were to change my life for the better I would be more than content to be on them for life.

It's how I feel now and the fear of being made to feel worse by the drugs. Anti-depressants appear to have such a reputation for awful side effects and sufferers having to push through feeling much worse before they feel better and this could be weeks to months. I just don't think I could cope feeling any worse than I already do. I have daily gut issues which completely control my life (and yes, I have tried everything else, literally everything to ease these issues), my anxious state of mind is high 24/7, I have visceral hypersensitivity so feel everything stronger than I probably should do (every ache, pain, weird sensation in my body), my health anxiety is dreadful and the worst it has ever been, not helped by the fact I am 53 and in perimenopause/menopause and have a heap of added issues including endometriosis and adenomyosis (HRT made this worse) and helping to care for an elderly parent with advanced dementia - I am exhausted and mentally spent. I am also waiting for surgery for the gynae issues and due to my heightened state of anxiety, I just don't think I can go through with it right now.

I am a hot mess, as they say. I acknowledge this and know full well that I need to make changes and have tried really hard by living as healthy a lifestyle as I can but it's doing sod all for my mental health (and physical it seems). No amount of living well, meditating, counselling and/or cbt is cutting it.

Yet I sit here staring at the bottle of fluoxetine my GP prescribed 2 months ago knowing full well it will more than likely end up in the cupboard with the out of date tablet form of Fluoxetine, the box of Citalopram from 2022, and the Amitriptyline and Sertraline because I am so terrified of any side effects especially a worsening of my gut issues which have taken over my life and made me fearful of going out in case I might suddenly need the loo etc. All the side effects list everywhere for AD state diarrhoea and nausea as the most reported side effect and I just can not risk a worsening of that (and Imodium makes my stomach issues worse before anyone suggests taking it at the same time).

I asked for the liquid form of Fluoxetine because I thought, maybe, I could go in at a really low dose and build up but even that has me in a panicky meltdown whenever I have tried to take it.

I am so fucking angry with myself......so angry.

Please tell me about your experiences with antidepressants, did they help you get a life back on track? Did they not help? Did they make you feel worse than before? Just how can I get over this overwhelming fear of the side effects? I know we are all different and each experience with antidepressants is unique but I don't know what else to do.

Well done OP! This is a great start.
And yes you are probably extra anxious because you are anxious! Not because of the meds.
Do try and continue. Remind yourself of what you will be able to do if it is successful; think about proudly being able to take your daughter on a shopping trip soon!

Thank you so much.

Try them. They have saved my life many times. Yes, you might get some side effects at first but they level out. I don't buy that they numb you. That's rubbish. They make you see things at a normal level. Not spiralling into anxiety after a friend doesn't text back for example. Anti ds let me feel joy. They might not work for everyone but they worked for me. Therapy alongside will help too.

There's a lot of judgement around anti depressants. People saying they are a placebo, addictive, overprescribed but that's really unfair. Yes , in some cases this may be true but for others they make a huge difference .

I was once you, OP. I was prescribed literally everything over the years but could never get past the initial side effects and always quit after a few days. Until I got to the point when I knew I was going to be extremely unwell unless I started taking something, and then I pulled my big girl pants up and stuck with it.

Not everyone gets side effects but mine were pretty severe. Having said that, I still worked every day, still got up in the morning, etc. I have IBS and it didn’t affect that, it was more indigestion type gastro symptoms - gaviscon helped. You do feel a bit spaced out for a few weeks but it’s manageable. I remember my GP saying at one point “if you really need them, you’ll take them”. She was right. I knew I had no choice, I just wanted to get better.

Two years on and my life is completely transformed. No health anxiety, no constant ruminations, no paranoia, I’m just calm and happy and normal me again. So 2-3 weeks of discomfort and then 2 years of feeling normal. Definitely worth it!

What medication do you take? If you don’t mind me asking x

Sertraline x

I take venlafaxine, it works for me taking 75mg twice a day, apparently when acts as a dual inhibitor, increasing both serotonin and norepinephrine. Anyway it has saved me, I sort of didn’t realise how much until I look back
awful insomnia for the first few weeks, but it’s settled now

Well done x

Thanks x

I started off on citalopram and moved to fluoxitene after a little while in 2009. I relapsed in 2013 and went back on fluoxitene. I have been off the drugs for a few years and my mental health is better now than it has been in years. It always gets worse before it gets better but you need to believe it will get better. Drugs can only do so much, the rest is on you. Make the effort to do things you enjoy and see people who are positive for you. I've been there, I know how hard it is just to get out of bed but it's important that you try. Make plans, give yourself a reason to get up. Do not give in to negativity but don't be ashamed to shut yourself away and cry if you need to. You can beat this. I believe in you.