Can I ask about your experiences with antidepressants?

[Coffeeisnotmycupoftea]

I didn't want to put this on the Mental Health board as I assume most people on there are in my position and needing help, I wanted to ask this as an all round question to not only people in full mental health crisis right now but also those who may have found themselves on the other side and feeling well again.

I think that I need to try anti-depressants but every time I try I am wracked with fear to the point that I just can't do it. I know I need to grow up but I am genuinely paralyzed with fear.

As I type this I appreciate that it must seem ridiculous to many people and I am fully aware that it is more than likely my poor mental health talking me out of it all but I just can't do it.

It's not about the stigma of mental health medication, I honestly couldn't give a toss about that, nor is it the fear of being 'hooked' on these meds because tbh, if they were to change my life for the better I would be more than content to be on them for life.

It's how I feel now and the fear of being made to feel worse by the drugs. Anti-depressants appear to have such a reputation for awful side effects and sufferers having to push through feeling much worse before they feel better and this could be weeks to months. I just don't think I could cope feeling any worse than I already do. I have daily gut issues which completely control my life (and yes, I have tried everything else, literally everything to ease these issues), my anxious state of mind is high 24/7, I have visceral hypersensitivity so feel everything stronger than I probably should do (every ache, pain, weird sensation in my body), my health anxiety is dreadful and the worst it has ever been, not helped by the fact I am 53 and in perimenopause/menopause and have a heap of added issues including endometriosis and adenomyosis (HRT made this worse) and helping to care for an elderly parent with advanced dementia - I am exhausted and mentally spent. I am also waiting for surgery for the gynae issues and due to my heightened state of anxiety, I just don't think I can go through with it right now.

I am a hot mess, as they say. I acknowledge this and know full well that I need to make changes and have tried really hard by living as healthy a lifestyle as I can but it's doing sod all for my mental health (and physical it seems). No amount of living well, meditating, counselling and/or cbt is cutting it.

Yet I sit here staring at the bottle of fluoxetine my GP prescribed 2 months ago knowing full well it will more than likely end up in the cupboard with the out of date tablet form of Fluoxetine, the box of Citalopram from 2022, and the Amitriptyline and Sertraline because I am so terrified of any side effects especially a worsening of my gut issues which have taken over my life and made me fearful of going out in case I might suddenly need the loo etc. All the side effects list everywhere for AD state diarrhoea and nausea as the most reported side effect and I just can not risk a worsening of that (and Imodium makes my stomach issues worse before anyone suggests taking it at the same time).

I asked for the liquid form of Fluoxetine because I thought, maybe, I could go in at a really low dose and build up but even that has me in a panicky meltdown whenever I have tried to take it.

I am so fucking angry with myself......so angry.

Please tell me about your experiences with antidepressants, did they help you get a life back on track? Did they not help? Did they make you feel worse than before? Just how can I get over this overwhelming fear of the side effects? I know we are all different and each experience with antidepressants is unique but I don't know what else to do.

@Coffeeisnotmycupoftea it's hard to find a way out from deep depression when everything seems futile.
I hope you find the right medication that suits you.
Sometimes we need a helping hand to get back on an even keel.

That has been one of my fears, both my sister and best friend are on Sertaline and say they feel they can't come off them.

Tbh, in retrospect I really wish I had taken the meds during lockdown too, it would have been the perfect time for me to have trialled them, especially the first one in March as I was at home the whole time but weirdly I felt the calmest and happiest I have been for years during that first lockdown (feel terrible for saying that seeing so many people suffered, including my own MIL as her cancer treatment was put on hold resulting in her death!)

Oh @Coffeeisnotmycupoftea I totally get your fears.

I have ulcerative colitis and had never tried AD's and never wanted to. During peri I got severe anxiety and became very low and teary - I couldn't shift it for years despite diet, exercise, have fun with friends etc.

The day I took my first very small dose of sertraline (I halved a 50mg tablet for the first 2 weeks so effectively took only 25mg), within an hour I felt a light fuzzy warm feeling creep through me. It was amazing to just feel a bit numb from all the worry. I felt emotionally better from the very first day I took them.

I kept a diary for the first few weeks and on days 10, 11, 12 the anxiety was a bit heightened for a few hours each day - but that was all gone by week 3.

The side effects did last a few weeks and consisted of: tiredness in the afternoons (so I had a nice nap after work), noticing that I was clenching my teeth a bit, and a very slight nausea - none of these side effects worried my as they were all well documented. It was also really good to know they were all normal. They were also very worth it as I no longer felt at all down or anxious!

These small side effects subsided and by week 6 I felt completely back to full power, my old self. I can laugh heartily, feel sad about something real and go about my life.

I just don't worry about things and get anxious - I can just deal with things and get things done. This has been a godsend as I have had to help my son through the bereavement of his father and both grandparents in the last 4 years.

I've been on them for 5 years now and I'm happy to stay on them forever. Still prescribed 50mg - in fact I halve them now so been on 25mg for about a year.

You will feel so much better.

Thanks, I will look at that site.

The issue is that I have had decades of CBT, talking therapies, counselling, hypnotherapy and even sessions with a psychiatrist but they have had no positive impact on my mental health at all. Believe me, I have tried everything rather than medication.

I live in a lovely semi-rural village with fields and woodlands all around me and the sea a few miles away, I have had dogs all my life and walk every day with my dog in nature. I go on my treadmill most days and have practised yoga since my 20's and still feel this way. Maybe I would feel a lot worse without the above (although I can not see how I can feel worse than I have these last few years).

I really, really wish healthy living and getting out in nature would ease these issues for me as I don't want to go on antidepressants but sadly it has little impact.

I need to do something as I can not keep throwing money trying to find 'natural' ways to help myself that just aren't working.

It's my daughter's 18th birthday today, I am dreading it because I feel so flat and so sad for a million reasons but I won't tell her that obviously, I will put on a smiling face and have 'fun' with her and tonight will go to bed with a splitting headache and feeling like shit because nothing has any joy anymore so I have to keeping pretending at life. Months ago I promised myself that I would take anti d's way before her 18th in May and my son's 21st this October so I could enjoy their special days but here I am having failed yet again.

I don't want to feel like this anymore, I just wish there was something other than anti d's to help but I can't find that thing, whatever it may be and that hasn't been for want of trying.

I really, really wish there was an alternative for me but I feel I have exhausted everything else.

Thank you, that's very reassuring.

I've been them on and off a few times over the years, 3 different types and only once did I get side affects that were really awful but they stopped within two weeks. I don't think I could survive without them I really notice the difference in my anxiety if I miss a few days (accidentally!).

Honestly, I think you are probably overestimating the effect these meds have. You also start at a low dose. Most people have heightened awareness of potential side effects at the beginning (because they are anxious for one thing), even so a lot of people don’t notice any side effects or find them very mild.
You may not notice any change or improvement in your mood/ anxiety levels for weeks and occasionally none at all and then you try a different AD.
It is rarely a dramatic shift. They mostly just give you a boost to get the ball rolling. Then you improve by self care/ therapy/ social interaction etc.

It’s rarely a dramatic shift.

Couldn’t disagree more. Obvious they have different effects in different people, depending on many factors. But you can read many people on MN saying that ADs have saved their lives. They certainly saved mine during a terrible time when I was completely loosing it and a high dose helped me survive.

On a more day to day level (I have been on them for 20+ years and have tried coming off them enough times to be confident of the effect) they stop me being completely unable to cope and unable to enjoy anything to being a functioning person who, whilst life is hard, can find enjoyment and joy in life.

I agree about the side effects though, many people don’t experience any.

On withdrawal, I have reduced from
200 mg to 50 mg with no withdrawal effects. I did it very, very gradually over months, chopping up tablets into halfs and quarters. I have successfully reduced to zero in the past in the same way with no withdrawal effects but then each time needed to go back on them after a few months)but that is just because I need them, not a withdrawal effects).

OP what side effects are you particularly worried about?

But I mean... does that matter?
Is it a problem to stay on them long term?

I'm not bothered at all about mine being long term, I just take the tablet every day, same as I take my statin and blood pressure tablets.

My main concerns are nausea and bad diarrhoea. I have these symptoms daily as it is and they completely control my life, the idea that an antidepressant could exacerbate this really holds me back from trying. I see time and again people saying they were stuck on the loo with a bad tummy as a result of their AD. I can't counteract this side effects with something like imodium as I have bad reactions to that med so I'd have to ride it through which I honestly don't think I could do.

I also worry they will give me headaches especially a worsening of my aura migraines, which after 20 years of suffering from still scared the life out of me.

No, if they worked for me I can't see that I'd want to come off them but my sister has been advised because she may have a heart issue potentially caused by the meds and she's having issues weaning off. Id hate that.

I think it does matter, they do change your brain, so it’s hard to come off them when you’ve been on them for years.

Ive tried for years to come off them as I can’t orgasm on them sorry to be blunt.

They say that ADs have the most noticeable effect on people with severe symptoms.

I really feel for you OP and you sound desperate to feel better.

Honestly, all the side effects you mention here are very short term. And are unpleasant but not in anyway life threatening. It’s not like you are worried about long term risks which might not reveal themselves for years. If you try the medicine and you get side effects and you feel the benefit doesn’t outweigh the risk, you can stop and the side effects will stop.

On the other hand, perhaps you will find that your gut issues and migraines improve if the ADs help your state of mind. In all honesty I think this is more likely than that you will suffer from bad side effects.

eta Please don’t take this as me minimising how awful migraines in particular can be. I’m really not, but the effect of your mental state of mind on your life sounds awful too, and as I say, perhaps you will see an improvement rather than a worsening.

You stomach issues might be caused by anxiety.

Would you consider trying it for a month. You can come off them if it doesn’t suit you. I know that sounds easy but it is. Get all the support you need in place and plough ahead for a month. It’s worth a shot.

I recently started taking antidepressants for the first time while postpartum. My biggest fear was feeling worse then I already feel but I already felt dreadful and the hope of feeling better made me take them. I felt just as bad as I did maybe slightly worse for a week and then I felt so much better. I thought I would only take them for a while but I’ve seen such an improvement in myself and people around me have noticed how much more happier and chilled out I am. The only negative for me is that my appetite has increased and I have put on weight but the mental health benefits outweigh the weight gain which I now have motivation to do something about.

I had depression years ago after getting breast cancer quite young. The depression was bad enough that I couldn’t work. I was on anti depressants for a while and they helped me. I came off them quite quickly (a year I think) and started using St John’s Wort, and then came off that and have been fine ever since.

Just to update, I carried on taking sertraline but went to 50mg every day rather than every other as was suggested on here.
I’m 6 days in now…. feel a bit groggy in the mornings and have mild nausea which wears off after a couple of hours. Strange teeth chattering at times but this is getting less, bit of a headache. Nothing too bad…
I’m going to continue as have got this far and would rather this than how I felt before in the hope that better days lie ahead.

I was on Citalopram years ago.

I'm very wary typing this because I do know some people have their lives saved by SSRIs but for me, they were one of the worst decisions I've ever made. But I am not you.

I'll describe my situation and then you can take or leave it on if you think it applies to you or not. Mental, like physical health is incredibly personal. Trigger warning for some of this content.

I had severe anxiety from childhood which I now recognise was due to emotional abuse. That took a lot of therapy to recognise. That was then exacerbated by trauma at the age of 21 (and some instances since). Basically I was the victim of a stranger rape.

C. 10 years after I had what many used to call "a breakdown" and that's when Citalopram was prescribed. For me it made me numb but didn't numb me for the worst feelings and while on it I started self harming and attempted suicide.

So I cannot say it helped me. Depression for me always had good days or perhaps just hours. Citalopram took them away and made the world grey. Then when coming off it, it gave me these horrible "electric shock" type side effects. Only lasted a week or so but I was never warned.

What helped me was therapy. EMDR for the trauma and a combination of CBT and psychodynamic therapy for anxiety. Much of that I paid for myself but was worth every penny. I also read a lot of self help books. Look I know, much derided but I found "A Man's Search for Meaning" and "Lost Connections" both super helpful. They both changed my life in a way that what I was missing was my "why" to live. A purpose. Not necessarily a big hairy goal but the small things that give you connection and make life meaningful. I changed my work, my relationship (not suddenly, this all took years) and I'm happier for it. I also became a mental health first aider and in a small way started to assimilate my experiences into me. Accept my trauma and recognise that because of it, not despite it, it gave me something I could offer others.

There is a story in Lost Connections I like. It's all about a rice farmer injured in Vietnam due to an unexploded bomb. The doctor prescribed a cow. The reason being that the cow would give him a source of income and a purpose. The doctor described that as an "antidepressant" and to me that made total sense.

I'm not saying "don't" to antidepressants because especially if you cannot seek therapy or have no energy for it, it might be the right answer for you right now. But as you asked for honest opinions, this is mine, from my sample of one.

Good luck with the journey and I hope things really start to improve for you soon.

So I decided to not take a SSRI but to try Nortriptyline again. I had trialled to for a very short time last year but chickened out a few days in as I was so worried about side effects.

I've chosen this meds because amongst everything that is currently going on in my life right now I'm finding the IBS, upper gut issues and visceral hypersensitivity is ruining my life atm, I can't work or even pop to the shops without feeling I need the loo and I will get into a huge panic about it. I couldn't even join my daughter in London for her 18th birthday shopping trip last week due to the overwhelming fear (luckily she ended up having a great day with a friend).

I started with half a10mg tablet per day 2;days ago. I feel weird and extra anxious but at 5mg I'm not sure if that's more me and the anxious state I'm already in rather than the meds? But I'm determined to get through the next couple of weeks on 5mg then up to the prescribed 10mg.

I'm scared, apprehensive and on edge waiting for a side effect that will completely freak me out but I'm desperately hoping if I can settle my digestive system I can then work with a therapist for my anxiety (currently on a waiting list for specialist CBT). I'm also looking into a course of acupuncture to help with all my physical issues which do drive the anxiety.

That's the current plan/hope.

Thank you all for your help and advice and for those still in the deep.kf this too, I hope all.fows well.for.you.

Venlafaxine for anxiety. One week of feeling extremely nauseous, next week slightly queasy, by the third week everything settled and I just felt nothing. No anxiety, no panic, just flat. It enabled me to start functioning at a very basic level.