Didn't want to wake up

[Springtime54]

Now I have, it's the immediate panic and dread. Paralysed to do anything. The absolute struggle of getting through another day. I cant do another 40 - 50 years, I just can't.

Is that even legal for them to do that if you are ill?

It just works on trigger points so if you take a certain amount of days off or episodes in a time frame it goes verbal warning, written warning then dismissal.

I’m sorry, thats brutal. Do you think that you will be able to go to work on Tuesday though?

Doesn't matter if you have sick notes or explain or what it is for, same policy for everyone.

Do you enjoy your job when you are feeling ok?

Yeah I've done it many times before, I just operate like a robot. Not sure I'll be able to shower. The fear of a verbal warning drives me to get out of bed as I'd end up homeless without my job and while I'm still here, I dont want to be on the streets. Then when I'm there at work I just count down the hours until I can leave.

No, never. I can't remember the last time I felt okay though.

Im so sorry, I know what that feels like.
When are you seeing your psychiatrist next? There must be something they can suggest to help you.

Not sure. I saw her a few weeks ago and she doesn't know what to do with me. She just said you've tried loads of different medicines and had loads of therapy. It made me feel even worse. I pay 250 pounds every time to see her for half an hour appointment.

Can you articulate what it is that would make your life better? x

Have you tried low dose antipsychotics in conjunction with ADs?
As you are paying privately and she isn’t helping, why don’t you switch to a different psychiatrist who might have other options for you?

If it didnt exist.

Woken up with a bad headache this morning because I havent drunk any water in 2 days. I'm still so upset by my relatives reaction yesterday. Dreading work tomorrow. Need to try and dry my work clothes quickly.

@Springtime54 hope you’ve drank some water by now. You write well and are intelligent so you know you’re seriously dehydrated after waking up with a headache. Don’t do this to yourself or deteriorate any further as your organs will be doing overtime without proper hydration.

Take one step at a time. Make sure you eat something healthy today. Drink plenty of water throughout the day to make up for the last 2 days of acting like you’re lost in the Sahara desert. Get your uniform dry for tomorrow. It won’t take that long. Forget about your relative for now and just focus on yourself. Stop trying to solve everything at once as that’s not possible. Your weight is certainly not a priority right now. Do you think the main problem is your job or your colleagues which is the root cause of your stress?

hi im autistic and ive been thru this feeling a lot through my life, always struggled just to survive. ive always got myself through these times (Luckily)
im here if you just want to someone to txt as a friend, just for the emotional support. Im sure we can exchange numbers if you message me on here.

I haven't been able to get out of bed.
Its everything. I hate my job, I hate where I live. I dont have any friends. No one likes me. I have a tiny dysfunctional family and I'm just a burden to them. Life is miserable every day.

I know this was over a day ago now, but if you manage just to say to Samaritans that you’d like them to talk to you - just a kind voice, they will do so. They don’t expect you to carry out a conversation. You can just cry down the phone if that will at the very least give you some release.
I am sorry you are feeling so awful.

I just can't manage to phone anyone. I tried the text service shout but it didnt help.

It’s that awful morning cortisol rush isn’t it. It’s a real shame that antidepressants haven’t managed to dampen that feeling for you. I really do get it. Try to open the curtains and get in the shower if you can. If you can’t, breathe deeply and concentrate on the things closest to you; the feel of a blanket or clouds passing in the sky. Hang in there ❤️

I cant actually cry tbh. Its like I'm numb and I've accepted my fate.

All I can do is lie in bed with something over my eyes. Thats the only way I feel safe ish.

Yeh I understand. It’s a safe space that you’ve retreated to. Please make sure you drink lots of water and try to eat a banana or toast. Are you able to distract yourself with anything on Netflix? Are you able to get some fresh air in through the window. I really feel for you x

I haven't really got any food in the house as haven't been shopping. Have a podcast on that helps me sleep. Can't open the window. Thank you for replying. I don't have anyone.

What antidepressants have you been prescribed?

It does sound like severe depression, why are you paying a private psychiatrists, you may be better to go NHS, they offer the ECT for treatment resistant depression, and there is a similar newer treatment called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, I have seen massive improvements with these - once your depression is treated you can start to focus on making the life changes you feel you need to x