Whatever TW

[Noimportancewhatsoever]

Not really an aibu ,or maybe it is not sure.
Has anyone ever thought about covering suicide up as an accident so as not affect less badly those around them (guilt, etc)
Has anyone here ever considered they will never be better,never feel the will to keep going. Has anyone here,is anyone here right now only still here because of the people that depend on them? And if so how long have you been going on like that and how long is it humanly possible to keep going like that when living is so painful.

Do you want to tell us more about what’s going on OP?

Do you have any family around you?x

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the https://www.samaritans.org/ Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly

I have family but no one knows how bad it is.I think childhood trauma is the problem but i just can't seem to talk about it in real life.I just feel so ashamed even thinking about it. I think i act as normal as can be around others because i have to, it's like automatic mode switchs on but as soon as i am alone i feel like I'm drowning in sorrow.I really don't know how long i can do this for.Thank you for reading me

I am so very sad to read your post, I wish I could give you a hug.

Please let me be clear, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You were a child. You needed protecting. You did nothing wrong.

Do you feel able to talk to a professional about your childhood? It’s not a magic fix, believe me I know, but there is a lot of support out there x

I understand someone from the outside would say that to me, I'm pretty sure i would say it to someone in my situation but the feeling of deep shame is still here and so very strong.That is also why I can't being myself to talk about it, i just physically can't, even thinking of the words makes me want to disappear.
I'm sorry, I'm not looking for a fix,i don't think there is one for me anymore,I just feel so lonely and I need to get these feelings out somehow.Thank you

You don’t have to apologise, if just posting here helps a little bit then stick with that.

How has your day been today?

I know you don’t want a fix and I don’t have one. I’ve felt like things can’t get better or shift in certain times in my life so I’m not in it right now but I have been. I think there is hope that they can but not quickly and not without distress. When people feel like you are feeling I think someone else needs to help carry the hope that things can improve. Is there anyone that can do that? Sometimes it’s a professional or someone in MH support somewhere sometimes it is someone in your life. Just want to say it can shift even if it’s tiny increments. I’m sorry other people’s choices have impacted you in this way. Honestly there are people that can hold that hope. Sorry if this isn’t what you want as a response. I hope you are as okay as you can be.