Does this sound like OCD?

[Rormorethy]

I can't believe I'm about to say all this as I know I sound mad.

There's something wrong with me and I just want to know what. Could this be OCD?

I don't want to use the word contamination but it's the only word that kind of describes what I'm feeling.

So basically I hate touching things that might be dirty or might have been touched by other people who might have dirty hands. I'm not scared of germs or getting ill ect but of contamination. I know that's makes zero sense, and I don't even understand it myself.

Recently it's getting so bad and it's taking over my life. I don't even know where to start with examples. Doors are a massive problem for me as obviously they are touched by many people. As soon as I've opened a public door, I have to use hand sanitiser but I can still 'feel' the door contamination for a while after.

Public toilets are another hell. I will use my foot to push the cubical door open, use tissue to close the latch. I can't let my clothes accidentally brush against anything. Some cubicles are very small which makes this difficult. I can't use hand dryers anymore as I watched a video on Facebook about how much bacteria they spread. The whole thing is very stressful. I have a whole system of how not to touch things.

I have a weird situation with work. I'll change details but basically work in a care home type environment. Lots of people about. I seem to be able to control my anxiety in work, I touch things okish, I just avoid touching my face/possessions until I've washed my hands. I can't have a cup of tea/use work cutlery ect but otherwise I do okay...

but I have a huge issue with work 'germs' (but not germs, I can't explain it) contaminating home. As soon as I get in I feel DISGUSTING. I strip off, put my work bag in a designated place where it's not touching anything else. So my work bag can't be put on the living room floor as it has touched work floor. I have a work coat which can't touch my other coat ect. I wash my hands, arms, change my clothes. My phone gets put in a special place until I get wipes to pick it up with and clean it. And then I'm fine.

I'm a bit funny about touching things at home sometimes too. I don't like to touch my kitchen work tops. I have to wear slippers and socks all the time as the thought of my bare feet touching the floor makes me cringe.

Recently I've been getting worse. So I saw a man in the street put his gloves on one of those BT boxes in the street and I had a physical cringe from it and just thought who would do that? I can't believe he is letting his gloves touch that box!

I have kids and them touching stuff stresses me out so much I'm always telling them not to touch stuff and when they get in from school I feel like they are contaminated too. I'm not as bad with them as I am myself though.

I obsess other things. For example I convinced myself we had bed bugs and would wake up in the night searching for them with a torch.

Everywhere we go I visualise the kids falling over and chipping their teeth. I have a similar thought about something else but I can't write it down as it affects me that badly I have to do certain things to make the thoughts go away. It's nothing bad, it just makes me cringe so badly I struggle to cope with it.

Hotel rooms are a nightmare because I struggle to touch anything. Getting in the bed is just... Imagine having to get in someone's dirty sheets. That's what it feels like to me.

Those are just a few examples.

Weirdly I'm not a clean freak. I don't spend hours cleaning or over the top hand washing ect. Although one colleague did comment that I wash my hands a lot.

Sorry this is so long. It's a bit random but I have just written down the main thoughts that popped into my head.

Any thoughts?

You've got OCD. Please get help because your kids will be suffering by your views of contamination.

These fears can snowball and it sounds like that's what's happened to you - they have become very overwhelming and crippling. There are techniques for dealing with these fears. If you google 'curing OCD about germs' you will get useful information. The sooner you can start dealing with it, the better. It is a very common problem, especially since covid. Having children exacerbates it. All the best!

The reason I doubt it's OCD is because I don't have rituals to perform and I don't think bad things will happen if I do touch things. I just don't like touching things. If that makes sense?

Go to your gp and ask for help. There are different types of ocd.

This is absolutely ocd and sounds quite developed. A feature of ocd is that the sufferer rationalises their behaviours as reasonable or normal, you do this a lot. The longer it’s left the harder it is to treat so please take action as soon as you can.

Your entire life is a ritual. The bag that can’t touch the floor is a ritual. The coat that can’t touch the other coat is a ritual.

Try contacting OCD UK, they are brilliant.

One of your posts says ‘I have to do certain things to make the thoughts go away’. That, and the formal isolation of your things, are absolutely rituals and very clearly indicative of contamination OCD. Please get some help before this rubs off on your children and makes your life even smaller and more complicated. It must be exhausting for you to be on guard all the time.

Edited for autocorrect error.

hmm, so I’m AuDHD and have had a lot of v v similar thoughts and behaviours in the past (right down to the fear of my children falling and chipping teeth - it happened to a friends child though so relevant history), although functioning not impacted to the level that I can’t touch anything - for example I’d touch doors with elbows or sleeve but if I do touch a door with hands I’m not fearful to the point where I’d need to carry out a behaviour to balance/negate it as such. I’m also a therapist and work with OCD and other mh conditions. A lot of my thoughts feel comforting, purposeful, not dread driven. I feel mild levels of anxiety but no impact in terms of ability to work well, socialise, enjoy life etc. I would say my fears are ego syntonic in that I have a lot of sensory aversions such as wetness, stickiness, ‘dirty’ weather etc.

if you are distressed and your ability to function has been impacted then you need to seek help x

Also if the thoughts are distressing to you, and you have to counteract them with behaviours then it is likely OCD. Like I said, I have very similar behaviours but no thoughts behind them as such that feel distressing, I take a lot of comfort from my AuDHD routines and sensory soothing behaviour.

Avoidance IS the ritual. You have OCD.

Psychologist here.. Traits of OCD are present, please do speak to GP or local mental health services like talking therapies for a further assessment to assess if/what therapy needed, hopefully they can explain to you how it is OCD backed with your own examples, formulations from the session and linking it to diagnostic criteria (e.g.DSM5), . Wishing you the best ❤️

I agree with pp’s. Usually I get irritated when people diagnose others on the internet, but I have a child with OCD and have suffered myself and you definitely have all the signs. My son is similar to you in that he’s not necessarily scared of germs. He doesn’t worry about sickness or death. He just feels absolutely disgusted at the THOUGHT of the germs. He hasn’t attended school for 18 months. It’s called disgust based contamination OCD and, I hate to say it, it’s hard to ‘fix’. You need a therapist who specialises in Exposure Response Prevention therapy. All of my son’s behaviour now involves avoidance. He doesn’t wash his hands as often because he refuses to touch anything in the first place. The thoughts of your children tripping over and chipping their teeth are intrusive thoughts and completely tie in with OCD. Please see your GP as soon as possible as it can become extremely debilitating. My son’s life is mostly lived in his bed. It’s absolutely heartbreaking.

I'm so sorry to hear that your son is suffering so much. That must be so hard not only for him but for you too. Does his doctor not have any suggestions? I wish I had something useful to say.

Is never heard of disgust based OCD so I googled it and I'm pretty sure this is what I have. Everything else I've read about OCD is all about cleaning and worrying about germs ect which isn't me and why I've doubted I had OCD in the past. And what you've said about your son and him not washing his hands that often because he avoids touching in the first place.... That's me too.

Thanks everyone for your messages. I really appreciate it. I am not quite ready to speak to the GP yet but I'm getting there. I spoke to my husband last night and told him a lot more about things I don't like doing and how I avoid certain things, intrusive thoughts ect. Obviously he is aware of a lot of it as he lives with me and my strange ways that drive him absolutely insane. Like the time we had to come home from holiday early because of me. It's not easy to hide but there was a lot of stuff that I have managed to hide from him.

I took my son to the GP as soon as I recognised the symptoms of OCD and he was immediately referred to CAMHS. Unfortunately, there were still delays caused by Covid and he wasn't assessed for several months. Then, when he was assessed, he waited several more months to get a therapist. Early intervention is very important, as I have now sadly discovered. The longer OCD is left, the more of a hold it takes. My son knows that his thoughts are illogical. But even though he can stand outside himself and look at those intrusive thoughts dispassionately, he cannot control them.

Please don't delay seeking help. I know it's the last thing you want to do because OCD is your new 'normal' and it's so hard to imagine undoing all those complicated thought processes, but honestly, your life will become so small and so lonely. I imagine you quite likely feel lonely already because all that thinking ahead, looking for 'fixes' and avoidance of the unpleasant, disgusting stuff takes a hell of a lot of energy and can lead to terrible feelings of shame. Your brain is very busy with OCD and other areas of your life are going to be severely neglected. I am so sorry you are going through this. It's an absolute bastard of an illness.

Edited for rogue extra word!

I have similar, but am a bit further on.

My therapy has had me list the safety behaviours (putting the coat away from the other coat etc) in a list from most to least serious and then to start working on removing them one at a time starting with the least serious.

You wok on them really slowly, one at a time. So you may move one arm of the coat to touch the other coat for instance. Then you slowly get to a point where you get home and just out the coat away next to the other one without thinking about it.

Im not cured, but my life is a lot bigger than it was. I got caught up in ‘why’ I was behaving like this, but the therapist didn’t care about that. She was also quite hard on my ‘I’m not normal’ opinion. I never realised that I had to REALLY put in the work to beat this.

Do you have the same thing of not wanting to touch things, but not because of a fear of germs?

I think I'm scared of the work. I want to not feel dirty all the time but I also still don't want to not touch things if that makes sense?

Well done on your progress so far x

I'm sorry your son's treatment was delayed because of COVID. You've convinced me sort this out.

So if I made a GP appointment, what would happen?

Op - ocd sufferers always try to
minimise and normalise their ocd behaviours

To help you get proper support from the gp can you start making a list of them, maybe ask for help on this thread? Then you can take the list in with you. I’m sure from what you’ve said so far that there are many many more avoiding behaviours in your daily life.

Also if it helps to understand, ocd doesn’t need to be about germs, it often is but there are many presentations. In fact when you begin treatment you’ll find the ocd may morph to try and escape your treatment plan.

This is my OCD - I've had it for years and years however about 2 years ago it started recognising how much it was impacting my life. I went to the GP and was given fluoxetine which has really helped - I still do a lot of the behaviours but I don't obbsess about it so much, I am also able to reason with myself about the extent of the contamination. It also helped with work anxiety - it was the best thing I could have done.

Thank you. I've filled in a form for NHS talking therapy but now I'm minimising and telling myself that I'm not that bad.

Can I ask you more about your behaviours if you don't find it triggering to talk about?

I've just sent off a form for NHS talking therapy with covers OCD but now I'm doing exactly what you've said and minimising. I think it's because I've had a good day today because I've been on the sofa most of the day doing uni work. But my laptop is a completely safe, non contaminated item. I can even touch my face after touching it. So I've not been in contact with anyrhing 'dirty'. I think that's why.

Almost identical to yours for the most part apart from injury to the children. It's very much contamination based but same as you, I've never been able to make it make sense as it wasnt the germs, or getting sick - just the unbearable feeling of being dirty.
A way of coping but also making in worse is i work from home so I minimise exposure in that way - when I did used to work out the house I had a separate work wardrobe that was 'contaminated' - i would walk in the door (whilst ensuring my trousers didn't drag on the ground) then strip and get straight in the shower - everything that could be washed went straight in the washing machine and suit hung with coat in 'contaminated' wardrobe. The floor would be bleached, my phone disinfected

3 of my main triggers are toilets, bins and meat - I've not been able to fully sort these and the public toilets one causes a great deal of distress

When people come to my house I watch like an eagle to see if they 'touch' the bin or do anything else I might consider contamination spreading - i try not to let the mental show too much and luckily the husband helps as he knows what upsets me - just not the full extent of what goes on in my brain

When guests leave my house I disinfect stuff they may have touched as well as all door handles, clean the bathroom, change the hand towel, wash the floor, disinfect the sofa, wipe taps / kettle / fridge. Anywhere that someone has put their handbag

There's so much that its hard to pinpoint sometimes. I hate going in public toilets so much that I try not to eat or drink when I'm out - if I do have to then I wear certain clothes I don't mind being contaminated and can go straight into the washing machine

I also try to hide it so the kids don't get impacted too much - they are fine with having a shower when they get in from school everyday

It took a long time for to admit to myself that it was becoming a problem - there are a couple of other elements linked too but this is the part linked to the contamination - i suppose thinking about it one of the other parts is contamination related too but slightly different - if I don't have access to a toilet then it creates feelings of panic (this doesn't make any sense as mentioned previously I hate any other toilet other than at home) - this was showing up as not wanting to fly, travel in a car, underground etc etc