Does this sound like OCD?

[Rormorethy]

I can't believe I'm about to say all this as I know I sound mad.

There's something wrong with me and I just want to know what. Could this be OCD?

I don't want to use the word contamination but it's the only word that kind of describes what I'm feeling.

So basically I hate touching things that might be dirty or might have been touched by other people who might have dirty hands. I'm not scared of germs or getting ill ect but of contamination. I know that's makes zero sense, and I don't even understand it myself.

Recently it's getting so bad and it's taking over my life. I don't even know where to start with examples. Doors are a massive problem for me as obviously they are touched by many people. As soon as I've opened a public door, I have to use hand sanitiser but I can still 'feel' the door contamination for a while after.

Public toilets are another hell. I will use my foot to push the cubical door open, use tissue to close the latch. I can't let my clothes accidentally brush against anything. Some cubicles are very small which makes this difficult. I can't use hand dryers anymore as I watched a video on Facebook about how much bacteria they spread. The whole thing is very stressful. I have a whole system of how not to touch things.

I have a weird situation with work. I'll change details but basically work in a care home type environment. Lots of people about. I seem to be able to control my anxiety in work, I touch things okish, I just avoid touching my face/possessions until I've washed my hands. I can't have a cup of tea/use work cutlery ect but otherwise I do okay...

but I have a huge issue with work 'germs' (but not germs, I can't explain it) contaminating home. As soon as I get in I feel DISGUSTING. I strip off, put my work bag in a designated place where it's not touching anything else. So my work bag can't be put on the living room floor as it has touched work floor. I have a work coat which can't touch my other coat ect. I wash my hands, arms, change my clothes. My phone gets put in a special place until I get wipes to pick it up with and clean it. And then I'm fine.

I'm a bit funny about touching things at home sometimes too. I don't like to touch my kitchen work tops. I have to wear slippers and socks all the time as the thought of my bare feet touching the floor makes me cringe.

Recently I've been getting worse. So I saw a man in the street put his gloves on one of those BT boxes in the street and I had a physical cringe from it and just thought who would do that? I can't believe he is letting his gloves touch that box!

I have kids and them touching stuff stresses me out so much I'm always telling them not to touch stuff and when they get in from school I feel like they are contaminated too. I'm not as bad with them as I am myself though.

I obsess other things. For example I convinced myself we had bed bugs and would wake up in the night searching for them with a torch.

Everywhere we go I visualise the kids falling over and chipping their teeth. I have a similar thought about something else but I can't write it down as it affects me that badly I have to do certain things to make the thoughts go away. It's nothing bad, it just makes me cringe so badly I struggle to cope with it.

Hotel rooms are a nightmare because I struggle to touch anything. Getting in the bed is just... Imagine having to get in someone's dirty sheets. That's what it feels like to me.

Those are just a few examples.

Weirdly I'm not a clean freak. I don't spend hours cleaning or over the top hand washing ect. Although one colleague did comment that I wash my hands a lot.

Sorry this is so long. It's a bit random but I have just written down the main thoughts that popped into my head.

Any thoughts?

That sounds incredibly hard @CCSS15 and also very familiar. I look at my son manically going through all his decontamination rituals, and know that I’m only seeing the tip of the iceberg. I was the same as a teenager but, although it never quite got to his level, I have some idea of just how many thoughts are swirling around in his brain every waking moment.

I sincerely hope that things get better for you soon

You don't have to have concious rituals or thoughts that bad things will happen though for it to be OCD.

@Rormorethy the treatment for ocd can include certain antidepressants (not because you’re depressed but to loosen the hold of the ocd thoughts a bit so you can try to get well). This is definitely something to consider if you’re not able to tackle the illness head on

As for therapies, I forget the name of what you need, someone else will tell you, it’s a combination of CBT and exposure therapy, it’s specialised and very hard work. You have to really want to get well, and therefore before this can happen you need to recognise how unwell you are. It’s not talking therapy which won’t treat ocd.

Theres a great self help book which is based on the above strategy, Breaking Free From OCD.

You absolutely do have rituals, many many very rigid rituals. Not allowing one thing to touch another is a ritual, a person with a healthy mind won’t be performing or wanting to perform this ritual.

One yardstick you will be encouraged to use is are most other people who I respect doing this?

This does sound very much like OCD, especially the contamination/disgust side of it.
The fact you know it doesn’t make sense but still feel it so strongly is a big sign.

@CCSS15 thank you so much for sharing. I am a lot milder than you but I fully understand everything you've said and I can see that we see things the same way. I hope that makes sense? I hope you are doing okay.

Thank you everyone for your replies and support. I have just filled in an online request with my GP. I'm really nervous as I feel like I'm over reacting.

I’m 100% certain I have OCD, I’ve had it since I was a child but I always tried my best to keep it hidden which must have been easy in a busy household because nobody ever noticed. I’d try to do all my “checks” when I was alone so I didn’t look weird, I obviously didn’t know what was wrong with me and I was embarrassed, OCD was always shown on tv as the cleaning/germs type so I never put two and two together, it was only when I was older maybe 18 ish that I saw a programme on OCD about checking things like cooker hobs/door locks and doing it a certain amount of times that I finally knew what was wrong with me.

Mine manifests as having an extreme urge to do or check things a certain amount of times, if I get interrupted or don’t do it right I have to start again until I’ve done it properly. It feels like something awful is going to happen if I don’t do them, if I’m worried about something in particular I’ll think that my “checks” will affect the outcome which logically I know is ridiculous but I can’t help it, it’s exhausting.
I massively overthink and worry about things and I can convince myself I’ve done something wrong and get into a spiral of horrible thoughts.

Im 36 now, my symptoms started when I was really young but the only person that knows I do these things is my OH but that’s only because it’s impossible to hide in a 2 person household but I don’t think even he knows the extent of it. Nobody else knows and the thought of talking to anyone in person or even a GP makes me feel ill, I’m just so used to hiding it and I find it embarrassing.

Do you think if I’d have told someone sooner anything could have been done about it? I honestly can’t imagine a life without OCD, it feels like it’s just a part of me like my eye or hair colour.

Thank you for this thread OP, it’s easy to think that you are the only person living like this. I’m so pleased that you’re doing something about it. I don’t know whether I’ll ever be brave enough to take that step.

I am so glad you have contacted the Dr for help. My DM had this she would wear her contaminated clothing just for going outside and had to put them away in a bag when she came home and then had to have a bath even if she was poping to the shops for 5 mins.

I had my assessment from NHS talking therapy today. They said they can't diagnose me but sounds like OCD. I can't believe the things I told her. Stuff I've never told anyone before.

Thank you for pushing me to make an appointment.

I have to wear slippers and socks all the time

I strip off, put my work bag in a designated place where it's not touching anything else

I can't use hand dryers anymore

I have a whole system of how not to touch things.

As soon as I've opened a public door, I have to use hand sanitiser

These are all compulsions.

OCD compulsions are repetitive physical behaviors or mental acts that a person feels driven to perform in response to obsessive, anxiety-inducing thoughts. These actions, such as excessive cleaning, checking, ordering, or mental rituals, are performed to reduce distress or prevent a feared event

Go and get help. I have OCD too (not contamination-based, but I recognise your thinking patterns so clearly). It can get worse, especially because by doing all those things that bring you temporary relief/prevention of the 'bad' thing happening you're confirming it in your head, and it's exhausting.

Good luck with this. And yes it’s OCD. This is almost identical to what I started doing about 25 years ago which was officially confirmed as OCD.

Well done, OP. OCD almost certainly won’t go away without treatment, so you’ve done the right thing and your life will be so much improved for it - you probably won’t even realise how much until you’re better and can look back.

Well done op. OCD is a horrendous illness if left unchecked. I can’t tell you how much trauma it’s caused to our family and I’m so pleased you’ve got in there early.

Does anyone ever get a diagnosis? Because all 3 people I've spoken to have all said I have OCD but they can't diagnose. Who can then?

I think a psychiatrist would be the person to diagnose you.

Could your GP not diagnose you?
The NHS TT therapist cannot assign a diagnosis but hopefully they can give you the correct therapy (CBT with ERP)
Would you consider getting your GP to prescribe you an SSRI?

I have diagnosed OCD and i am exactly the same. I also have AUDHD so I can be particular about things anyway.

I have gotten 'better' over time however public toilets are still a no go and in general I dont like public places. I try not to let this affect my children and I will wash myself and take clothes off as soon as im home. My OCD affects my thought pattern mostly which can spiral into all sorts of things but dirty public places are one of my worst to deal with.

Often there is overlap in symptoms and they can want to see how symptoms improve with treatment and see how things evolve. .

I am bipolar and it took 3 years of being under secondary services for it to go from most probably bipolar to bipolar but during this time my treatment was all under the assumption that it was bipolar. There were a couple of other possible diagnoses that would fit and they wanted to fully rule those out before diagnosing me.

I get symptoms of OCD when I am having an episode, both low and high moods. It is usually closer to "pure O" in which my compulsion is to sit and fret and imaging bad things happening. If I don't sit and let the scenario reach the end the bad thing will happen. As this only happens when I am experiencing an episode they have included it as part of my symptom profile for the bipolar although I have had therapy to help support me in the moment.

Interestingly, my symptoms eased off a bit when I was on sertraline a few years ago. I'd forgotten about that. I hated the other side effects though. Definitely something to consider but would that mean staying on them for life? The GP said they couldn't diagnose.

Honestly I doubt you will get to see a psychiatrist just for diagnosis in this day and age. I guess the GP could refer/ ask for advice and guidance if they don’t feel they could diagnose themselves (don’t know why they wouldn’t)

The combination of medication plus therapy is the best treatment for OCD and ideally yes it would be long term because OCD is a chronic condition but of course that’s your choice and you can stop any time. You could try a different SSRI such as fluoxetine (no withdrawals if you stop) or escitalopram (probably the most effective)

I would suggest that you do see the GP to discuss and consider medication alongside CBT with ERP from NHS TT.

There is a stepped care approach in services and you will probably not get to see a psychiatrist in 2nd care unless you have tried those things first.

In my opinion experience, GPs tend to thrown OCD in the wider anxiety ‘bucket’ and are for some reason reluctant to diagnose OCD specifically. If it’s a financial option for you, you’re much more likely to get a specific diagnosis via a private provider.

I'm not really worried about a diagnosis. I just thought it was strange that everyone was telling me it was but couldn't diagnose it.

Traditionally only Drs diagnose things. It’s a bit old fashioned with the rise of lots of extended roles for nurses and other HCPs but there we are. Psychologists formulate but don’t diagnose. It does seem odd to me that a nurse could prescribe something without making a diagnosis but that is the situation sometimes these days.

In my view, if they’re saying that’s what it is…that’s pretty much a diagnosis

Yeah that's basically how I've taken it too.