Fed up with long term depression ! ( Long... and prob tedious!)

[StarSparkle]

Hi,

Does anyone have any tips on coping with long term depression ?

I have been living with clinical depression for 13 years and I am getting a bit fed up with it ! I feel mine is some sort of chemical imbalance as long term depression ( anxitey, bi polar, panic attacks and dependance) runs in my mothers side of the family.

I'n the last 13 years i have been to 2 different councillors, one who tryed to put answers in my mouth and the other who was a mental health assessor. Both were completely unhelpful and seemed to only think mental illness only derives from life experience.

I always have dark thoughts, but as i have lived with it for so long have trained myself to deal with them. I have a had few v minor breakdowns only lasting a few days/weeks. I have taken overdoses 3 times in my teens and had to go to a&e. I also have self harmed (in my teens for 3 yrs).

I often have feelings of cutting myself but since then but have only done it a handful of times in the last 7 years.

I have also developed a degree of social anxiety - which i never had before !

Anyway, enough of me feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in self pity !

Anyones experience or suggestions would be apperiated ! ( I have really bad spelling - so apologies!)

[Divastrop]

hello

this thread fell off my 'threads im on' list as i have it set to 24 hours so i dont get drawn into arguments that go on for days

hope evryone is ok and having a nice weekend.

goosey-i have found since starting the group therapy things have been dragged up and i am finding it difficult to deal with.there are days when i wonder if its worth it.

my dh thinks the way to deal with s*t from the past is to never think about it,ever.maybe its different for people who had nothing but s*t in their past.(as opposed to people like me who had a generally ok childhood etc)

i like the sound of a 'happy book' as well.we have to write down positive things for the group and i suppose that would be an extention of that.

housewrok.my house was a total state but i have started to chip away at it as we have somebody coming from childrens services(a social worker?)on monday to speak to us about dh adopting ds2 and i have got it into my head that she will take one look at the state of the living room and demand to see the rest of the house to check if the dc are living in filth and squalor.im kind of paranoid that in trying to get ds adopted by dh,all my children are going to end up in care or on the register

dh thinks im nuts!

[wiggleit]

Hey Star, how's you hun? I'm ok ta. Had company all day so just about to retire to bed. Tired out! xx Hope you are ok.

Hi to everyone else! x

[StarSparkle]

Hey diva ! Hope u are feeling ok 2nite. Don't beat yourself up about having a good/ok childhood and therefore in the councillors eyes having no reason to be depressed ect. I have had depression for atleast 13 yrs and cant pinpoint why i do ! I just feel that i want to die sometimes and then i realise how final death is and get scared !

Housework gets to me too ! When i wake up in the morning i look at it and think i cant cope with it and have too force myself to do it - then i get it done and feel better. Please don't worry about the children servies coming over...i'm sure thay won't be looking at your cleaning....more like they will be looking at how the kids related to you ! Im sure u will do fine !

[StarSparkle]

Hey wigglet - hope u have a restful nite ! x

[wiggleit]

Hi everyone? How are you all? I'm stressed out atm. Have come out the way so i don't shout at anyone!

My DD has fetched her 2 friends in and they have put mucky hand prints all down the stairs (newly decorated i might add)..ggrrr! Kids! I am not good with people messing up my house!

How's things with everyone else? ok i hope xx

[StarSparkle]

Hi Wiggleit. Sorry to hear u are feeling stressed. I too get very touchy about my house and mess ! Im feeling a little stressed too... hate this time of mth as this is when all the money starts going out the account ! I get so paraniod about money ! Hope everyone else is feeling ok ! x

[wiggleit]

Hey star, ta for reply. I'm ok now. the kids have gone home and my DH wiped the walls for me and luckily they've come up ok...phew!

I too am a born worrier and worry about money etc. Living is just so expensive atm! I'm now glad we only live in a small house! My friends in their big houses are really feeling the pinch.

[StarSparkle]

Hey all ! Hows everyone feeling 2day ?

[wiggleit]

Hi everyone? How are we all feeling today?
Hey Star, how are you mate? I'm not so bad today..feel a little bit in edge but a lot of it is pmt so trying to keep it together!

[TinkerbellesMum]

I've just (well this afternoon) been to see my nurse therapist - lovely guy! Told him I'm pregnant and spoke to him about my last pregnancy. About how there was a fight between me being under the obs that specialises in MH or the FMT and that as far as I'm concerned my MH won't kill me and the baby, Hughes can. I told him I wasn't given a snack box after my section and that although it was never said to me I wasn't daft enough to not know that it was because they thought I'd use it to kill myself. I've never self harmed and I've never tried to kill myself (I did OD once on sleeping tablets because I was desperate to sleep and the mind race was preventing my brain from switching off with my body. Stupid I know, but I was desperate) apparently I'm not that unusual!!! He was telling me that normal nurses always think mental health patients are "about to jump through the nearest plate of glass" and they often get calls asking how to treat someone like anyone else? I was actually given the option of Oramorph OR paracetamol (Oramorph, great pain reliever only last 30 minutes = 3hr 30min of pain OR paracetamol, not very effective on back and CS pain, but relieves it slightly for 4 hours)!

Anyway, he said that if they try to treat me like a mental health patient, try to restrict my drugs or anything to get in touch with my Doctor and she will sort them out! I get the impression (from her and from what he said) she's bit of a force to be reckoned with and has done it before.

[stillfatbutlostabitnow]

Hi everyone

Have kind of read through the thread as haven't read for a while. First i didn't look as i felt so low and was so tired i just couldn't be arsed and then because things got a bit better i was busy but even more tired.

I'm so glad everyone seems to find this thread useful. I'm kind of glad i seem to have the same kind of problems and issues as others and that makes me feel a bit more normal, but it also makes me sad that i'm not as 'normal' as i would like. does that make sense? i just want to be like other people. i want my counsellor to say that i'm maybe just hyper-sensitive or something, and say there's nothing wrong with me. i want them to say that i'm not a depressive, etc.

why me? why us?

I saw a girl today with a 2week old baby and a toddler. she pretty much looked like she had never had a baby. a friend of mine looked the same just 3 days after. i'm still struggling 2 yrs after. i also still worry about conversation i've had with people when at school etc that i can't forget because they would have decided i was this or that and maybe were wrong but they have taken away an image of me i wouldn't have wanted them to have. what cripples me is the fact that it's probably still happening every day. i'm always looking at people trying to work out if i sounded interesting enough, or too sad, or whatever. does anyone else get this? i feel like a neurotic mess

[TinkerbellesMum]

stillfatbutlostabitnow "why us?" Look at it as something different. Would you ask "why us?" on a diabetes thread? Try to see it as a physical illness more than a "mental" illness because that makes you think of it being more in the head (if you see what I mean) when it's as real as anything else.

[StarSparkle]

Hi all (waves to wiggleit)

Sounds like a few of us are having a hard time ! I also understand that mental illness-come on thats what we have and despite societies coldness towards it- is very hard to live with. If we had a physical illness everyone would 'understand' . Sounds harsh buts that the the way it stands.
Still - please don't compare yourself with others - i have done this all my life, yes i am a size 10 now, as i have never been over a size 12 and have 34d bust - but don't kid yourself that being any slimmer will make u a better person . When i first meet my man (8 yrs ago) i was 7 stone and used to strave myself to acheieve it. Please don't think that being what society thinks as 'perfect' completes your life ! I have tried (in the last 13 yrs) is take my life 4 times and have self harm regulary up to 6 yrs ago. Please realise that death is so final and it's not where you want to be. I saw my beloved grandad on a life support machine and then later dead in his coffin. Sorry to ramble ... I'll shut up now ! Hope all that use this thread are ok ! xx

[TinkerbellesMum]

It's still a physical illness though, the stigma is attached to the "mental" part because it makes it sound like it's all in our head ("pull yourself together woman!") if we can think of it as being physical it will remove the stigma we feel towards our self.

[wiggleit]

Hi everyone (waves back to Star) ...how is everyone? I haven't been on here for a few days, been quite busy which i suppose is a good thing. I do feel better and more upbeat. Hope you are all well. xx

[TinkerbellesMum]

Hi wiggelit! I'm feeling pretty good at the moment, must be the pregnancy hormones!

How is everyone else doing? It's been quiet here recently.

[wiggleit]

Hi TbM..Good to hear you are feeling good hun. I too feel pretty ok about things atm.

How is everyone else? Lotsa love xx

[TennantbellesMum]

Thought I'd share with you what my obstetrician has said to my GP (my hospital CC's all letters to the patient, I just had this letter today).

"TennantbellesMum has a long history of depression and anxiety... This was probably exacerbated by [PND] following her last delivery..."

Wow, yeah, my last delivery... Cause that was not like as bad as like losing the daughter I had before that! How can you compare holding your "miscarriage" while she dies in your arms to PND? Of course PND is faaar worse I'm so cross with this doctor at the moment, she kept insisting on calling Lily-Hope a miscarriage, she must have got the word in 5 times in one sentence

[wiggleit]

Oh TbM - How awful for you. Didn't realise you'd been through all that, you poor poor thing. No wonder you are fuming. Sending you big hugs.xx

[TennantbellesMum]

Thanks, I think she peed me off so much on Friday that that just made me more annoyed than it would have done. I hate my mental health being brought into my pregnancy, I don't see the two as being related and neither does my nurse therapist. He said he'd make sure it's kept separate when it comes to things like drugs and that.

I just thought, they wouldn't let me have one of those self medicating boxes after Tink was born (was never said, but they were very careful with me and meds, I'm not stupid!) but I have 30 injections here full of Heparin. If I put those in my vein I could kill myself very quickly. I had the same last time. Why would I bother doing it in hospital when I could be found?

[wiggleit]

Hi everyone! It's gone quiet on here...hope that's a good sign! How are you all? xx