Fed up with long term depression ! ( Long... and prob tedious!)

[StarSparkle]

Hi,

Does anyone have any tips on coping with long term depression ?

I have been living with clinical depression for 13 years and I am getting a bit fed up with it ! I feel mine is some sort of chemical imbalance as long term depression ( anxitey, bi polar, panic attacks and dependance) runs in my mothers side of the family.

I'n the last 13 years i have been to 2 different councillors, one who tryed to put answers in my mouth and the other who was a mental health assessor. Both were completely unhelpful and seemed to only think mental illness only derives from life experience.

I always have dark thoughts, but as i have lived with it for so long have trained myself to deal with them. I have a had few v minor breakdowns only lasting a few days/weeks. I have taken overdoses 3 times in my teens and had to go to a&e. I also have self harmed (in my teens for 3 yrs).

I often have feelings of cutting myself but since then but have only done it a handful of times in the last 7 years.

I have also developed a degree of social anxiety - which i never had before !

Anyway, enough of me feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in self pity !

Anyones experience or suggestions would be apperiated ! ( I have really bad spelling - so apologies!)

[SIBLINGRIVALRY]

Hi AN,

I've also tried coutless remedies and haven't found anything that helps yet. Although I'm really sorry that it's the same for you, I hsve to admit to a small sense of relief that I'm not alone.

I'm sure that my family/friends think I'm not trying hard enough. My MIL actually said I needed to get a hold of myself!

At the moment I don't want to be around people, so find I withdraw from social contact. Not helpful I know but I just feel too exhausted to put on a front. Do you suffer from that feeling of total mental and physical exhaustion too?
Sometimes I feel like I'm such a lazy cow!

[StarSparkle]

Hey all ,

Looking at the most recent posts, i feel like i am not alone !

I hope no one judges me but feel like i need to get some stuff of my chest ! Since the age of 19 (28 now) I have experinced my worst state of depression - i have had depression from the age of 15. When i was 19 me and my fiancce (cant spell well so please excuse my mistakes). Went to the same Uni together, it started off good and then went all pear shaped ! We went with a group of friends to amsterdam and he slept with a postitute and then me in the same night (i didnt know this at the time obviously!) He started being really off with me and even hit me in public, also use to call me names in public and belittle me infront of friends. Ofcourse as soon as i found out what he did we split. Ever since then i have felt worthless and blame myself for being ugly. However, i feel that this haterd i feel for myself has deeper roots. I feel like something happened in my childhood that i have tried to repress. I remeber that my uncle really scared me to the point that at one b-day party he wanted to kiss me (i was about 7) and i said no, he kept pestering me so i ran upstairs with one of my friends and we looked ourselfs in the bathroom, he kept asking for a kiss thru the door and when i said no he said i was horrid and didnt want to kiss me anyway, i just remeber shaking and my friend was so scared too. Around the same time i remember drawing picture of woman and men naked together and then my mum found them and got rid of them - i did quite a collection of them and mum didnt say anything but got rid of them. Also remember having constant dreams about my uncle killing me and the kids in my infant school. Perhaps i had an overactive mind.... but feel uneasy. Sorry for going on...hope u are all feeling ok!

[TinkerbellesMum]

Diva, I'm on Earthern Ring. I have a 70 Holadin and working on a 31 Mage.

TD has had her and says "it's not as easy as I thought" then forgets next time it's me looking after her! She's also his third child, so you think he would be used to how hard littlies are by now! Eve, I wish I had the chance. I started going back to St John last year, was my one evening out a week. I met him and our friend for tea half way there, I'd go on and leave Tink with them. TD started to come out of work later and later until it was practical for me to go. They've told me they don't mind Tink going, but it defeats the object for me getting a night out.

Star, I try to lie in on a weekend morning, but you can guarantee he will put Milkshake on for her and when she's watching it the PC and WoW go on. She realises she's being ignored so comes for me. Answer "I've only had the PC on for 5 minutes"!

"i think alot of CPNs etc get away with saying their patients are non-complient when in fact they are incompetent"

Or they're treating you for "depression" (symptom) and not the real thing...

SIB, I've said it a lot myself that mental health of is often a physical illness and mental health isn't seen as real. I don't like the term depression because it relates to a mood not an illness (which is why you'll often see me type PNI as opposed to PND which is what the official British PNI organisation is called).

I've been away for a couple of days. TD finished his 3 month secondment to Croydon yesterday and his boss said he'd pay for an extra night at the hotel so we could join him, not long got in (I hate travelling in London) after 5 hours in the car. It's been a nice weekend, TD even got Tink ready for bed and I went to see a film as I didn't want to either sit in the dark or go to bed when she did.

[mummyhill]

Star - It does sound as if there is something in your childhood that needs looking into when you have the strength to do it. I think that will be a long and traumatic experience for you but may help you to understand your current feelings. The most important thing to remember is that whatever crops up it is the fault of a very sick person and nothing you did or said at the time could of caused or stopped it. Instead of getting rid of your pics your mum should of asked you about them and steped in to protect you.

I have only just this year been able to talk to my mum about something that happened in my childhood. Luckily she didn't put it down to an over active imagination or scold me for not talking out at the time, she did however give me a big hug and tell me she wished I had said something sooner as she would of done something about it. We used to holiday at the same place every year and made friends with many other families who used the same site every year. A grandparent from one of the families was behaving inappropriatly towards pubescent girls, none of us realised he was targetting the others and we all clamed up withdrew into ourselves and pretended nothing was happening iyswim. I would love to meet up with the others now and tell them you know what it wasn't our fault.

Sorry to of rambled not sure if any of it will help.

[sasquatch]

Hello again,
I have been away for a week, I hope you havent forgotten me![thats my depressive paranoia!]. I have been having a bad week.

It was ds's birthday this week and I always find that a very difficult time. I feel inadequate and unable to enjoy things for him. Also it means socialising with other parents. Any way, its over and we have had a relatively successful joint party.

I hope everyone is being brilliant!

[TartanTeddy]

I've suffered on and off with depression since my teens (fortunately off at the mo), and here are a few things which I've found have helped.
Antidepressants have been fantastic, though have had a few bad experiences when on the wrong ones. They've not been a cure, but have helped to get me out of the black pit. Valium seems to be a dirty word, but having suffered from horrendous anxiety, have found it a massive help, as long as you are careful not to get hooked. I found hypnotherapy great for helping to sort out anxiety and just generally relaxing.
Eating properly - regular meals with stuff like pasta and lots of veg. Really good if you can get someone to help with the cooking.
Exercise.
I also take a teaspoon and a half of IQ liquid each morning which seems to lift my mood and get me going for the day. You can buy it in Tesco, I don't work for the IQ people and I don't have a vested interest in them.
Chatting to someone cheerful and fun (in my case my grown up son) and just doing fun things, though not always possible.
Counselling has helped too, to identify the root of the depression, but again you need to have the right counsellor for your personality and I do think that in my case there is a big hormonal side to the depression, and its also partly how my brain is wired.
Hope this helps!

[MadamLola]

Hi all

I am new here but just saw this thread and thought I would just drop in to say HI

I too suffer from depression (pnd) so they think. I never suffered afte I had my son but I did after I had my daughter (now 5), they also think it might have started when I had a miscarriage just before I fell pregnant with her, and that her birth was just the trigger..... Have been prozac on and off since then (off only because I believe I am fine and have things under control) only to realise a motnh or 2 down the line that I am not coping at all, and have become a b from hell at home.

I am also seriously overweight, and my poor bosy image doesn't help with the depression much... I am a very socialbe person and love being around my friends, but cant help feel that I am always being jusged because of my weight.

i have just moved with my hubby and kids from South Africa to the UK and am finding it incerdibly hard to fit in and make friends. I miss my friends back home terribly as they knew my issues and loved me regardless. I feel here I always need to be this happy chatty mum

Anyway, here I am rambling on and on about myself, when there are other women out there feeling far worse then me I am sure. To those of you that suffer each day - just remember you are not alone. Alot of those mums you look at that seem so "together and happy" suffer silently (I am one of them).... to meet me you would never know that I feel the way I do about myself

Anyway, chins up, lets not use this place as another way to feel bad about ourselves... we just attract negative energy our way. Sending lots of love and happy thoughts to all of you beautiful women!!!! Have a fantastic day !!!! (have to run now - have forgotten to take my "happy pills" today ;)

Cheers

[wiggleit]

Hi everyone! Welcome tartan and madam!

How are we all? I'm not doing too bad at the mo. Like you tartan i've been on Prozac on and off for years and it really has helped me. I know a lot of people poo-poo it but it has definitely saved me from harming myself. I don't care if i'm on it for the rest of my life if it keeps me on an even keel.

Sorry Tartan to hear that you are finding it difficult to make friends here. That is a major thing i think to know you have good friends..i'm very lucky to have some lovely friends who do help me when i feel soooo low. I'm sure in time you will make new friends but in the meantime you can rely on your mn friends! We all understand depression on here, just open your heart, we'll be here. x

[MadamLola]

Sorry - must apologise for the horrible typing.... but I hope you will get what I am saying????

[MadamLola]

hi wiggleit

thanks for the message - I am sure with time I will settle in..... Thanks for the support

[Eve34]

Evening all,

Wow a lot has gone on hasn't it, will try to keep up with it all, Acting normal, thank you for your input, as you say if it can make a differnce just to one person I think it is valid.

Welcome by the way also too TT and ML. Keep in touch, it has made all the differnce to me knowing I am not alone in this.

Mummyhill - well done you in looking back and dealing with the past, that must of been really hard, hope you feel it has improved things for you to address it.

SAS - welcome back, we did miss you - I sometimes think I am on here to much and people are getting pissed off with me chipping in all the time, well tough titty Glad the party went well, I too hate those sorts of things, my worse nightmare other judging me, the food, my house etc. You can't hide from it.

Well we had a nice day in the garden chopping things down, despersate for a new lawn but it will have to wait.

Maybe we should have a tip/challenge of the day.

Tomorrow we will smile and say good moring to anyone we see....

Eve x

[Divastrop]

ehllo all

welcome TT,ML and AN

i have been sooo tired this weekend i have yo keep moving so i dont fall asleep.

i am trying to decide whether to see another doctor this week sometime or just carry on with the prozac and hope for the best.what bothering me is that i know how it feels when it works as it worked so well for me in the past,and its just not doing it this time

i have tried st.johns wort and various other remedies in the past.my PMS has got worse with each child and ive tried evening primrose etc etc which all either did nothing or made it worse.i tried magnseium ok for a while but as it contains B-vitamins it was making my anxiety worse,so i have been taking chelated magnesium and calcium supplements for the last 4 months and ive noticed a definite improvement in PMS symptoms.i also take omega3.

Starsparkle-it does sound like you have some sort of repressed memories.@your mum not saying anything about the pictures you drew.

[StarSparkle]

Hi all ! And welcomes to the newbees ! Hope everyone is feeling good and thanks for everyones input to my post yesterday ! Thanks for you suggestions and thoughts ! Most kind ! Its very reassuring to have this thread

[TinkerbellesMum]

wiggleit the reason prozac is "poo pooed" is because it has one of the highest suicide rates. For some it is brilliant, but some it makes them worse.

Has anyone joined the Take A Break campaign, chums4mums? I'm an area coordinator with it and trying to get something off the ground around here.

[MadamLola]

Hi.... just looked up chums4mums, had not heard of it. I think I will register - wounds like an awesome idea. What area are you from TinkerbellesMum?

[MadamLola]

there goes my really bad typing again .. lol

[mummyhill]

Must admit I was one of the poor sods that felt worse on prozac. Thethoughts etc I had whilst on it were truly scary, even more so looking back because they seemed so rational to me at the time iyswim.

I am pleased I have finaly found a drug that works for me though.

[TinkerbellesMum]

I'm in Birmingham. Don't want to give too much away as it has my contact details on there!

[secretstars]

Hey just jules

I am from Birmingham too

[Divastrop]

mummyhill-what are you on now?

ive been writing down 'symptoms' that i notice as they occur so i can stay calm and rational(hahaha)when i go to see a different doctor,and one thing ive noticed is horrible toughts coming into my head again.i made the mistake of reading a thread about a child neglect case the other day,and it keeps coming into my mind.that wasnt happening a couple of months ago,if i did read anything like that i just felt sad/angry while i was reading it then put it out of my mind.

last time i stopped taking the prozac i was great for 2 weeks then i turned into a screaming lunatic woman.i stopped cold turkey,though.

[TinkerbellesMum]

Secret, if you want to join the WM chums4mums group you are quite welcome.

[mummyhill]

I am now on venlafaxine or effexor and find it works really well for me. It is an anti anxiety as well as anti depressant drug.

I have signed up to chums4mums too.

[TartanTeddy]

An interesting theory that I read somewhere was that if you have depression this means that there is something in your life that you need to change, not always what seems obvious. I suppose this is where counselling comes in, in order to identify what is wrong. Certainly I've found that whenever my bouts of depression have cleared up, its often when I've changed jobs or something else. This is obviously a bit simplistic as if you're a single parent with babies, you lifestyle choices are a bit limited, and often life just seems to have you stuck in a rut.
However, in a nutshell what depression seems to be is that there's something big and bad in your life or your past that pushes all the wrong buttons and which has to be dealt with in order to heal up.

[TinkerbellesMum]

Not always. Some people do have a genuine physical illness that manifests as a mental illness. I like the analogy of diabetes's. Like diabetes's with mental illness there is a chemical imbalance. Some people have it because it's how their body deals with stress some because their body doesn't know how to balance it. It did used to be thought that mental illness was all in the head or that we were just mad, but medical science has come on a long way now and they do recognise physical reasons for things.