Fed up with long term depression ! ( Long... and prob tedious!)

[StarSparkle]

Hi,

Does anyone have any tips on coping with long term depression ?

I have been living with clinical depression for 13 years and I am getting a bit fed up with it ! I feel mine is some sort of chemical imbalance as long term depression ( anxitey, bi polar, panic attacks and dependance) runs in my mothers side of the family.

I'n the last 13 years i have been to 2 different councillors, one who tryed to put answers in my mouth and the other who was a mental health assessor. Both were completely unhelpful and seemed to only think mental illness only derives from life experience.

I always have dark thoughts, but as i have lived with it for so long have trained myself to deal with them. I have a had few v minor breakdowns only lasting a few days/weeks. I have taken overdoses 3 times in my teens and had to go to a&e. I also have self harmed (in my teens for 3 yrs).

I often have feelings of cutting myself but since then but have only done it a handful of times in the last 7 years.

I have also developed a degree of social anxiety - which i never had before !

Anyway, enough of me feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in self pity !

Anyones experience or suggestions would be apperiated ! ( I have really bad spelling - so apologies!)

[StarSparkle]

I agree tink !

[GooseyLoosey]

Thanks for making me welcome - it is indeed useful!

[StarSparkle]

Hi all ! Hows everyone doing today? Im feeling kinda low at the moment but nothing to worry about ! Trying to keep the dark thoughts away and al that !

[GooseyLoosey]

what's making you feel low tonight?

[StarSparkle]

don't really know...feeling very low. Think it has alot to do with the fact i have been fighting depression for a long time and despite my best efforts it sometimes just wins over ! Thanks for asking gooseyloosey ! How are you ?

[wiggleit]

Hi everyone..haven't read all the latest messages to properly catch up but how is everyone? Sorry you are feeling low Star..anything we can do hun?x
Welcome Goosey! How are you?

[StarSparkle]

Hey wiggleit ! Just feeling a bit low but don't worry ! You know how it is, u think u are okay then the ole depression grabs you again.

At the moment i am looking after DD who has woken up after doing a poo (tmi) in her nappy and now wont go to sleep ! Great !

DP has again decided to go off for the next few hours and do his own thing ! Why do men always get their spafce huh ?! Hee hee i'll stop bitching !

[wiggleit]

I do know how it is Star. Awful init? You'll be ok as long as you stick with your mn mates! We'll help yer through! My DH gone out shooting tonight too, but i don't mind, i've been sifting through a load of photos to put in an album so have had a few happy memories to reminisce on.xx

[StarSparkle]

Good for you wiggleit ! Photos are cool... they do really caputure the best images/feelings ect... as all us mums know they grow up so quick ! Its amazing to see pics of the bubs even only a few mths back !

[GooseyLoosey]

Sorry to leave so suddenly last night, dh needed the computer for work. Hope you are all OK today.

[StarSparkle]

Hey GooseyLoosey - hope u are feeling ok too ! I feel much better than last night - just been in the gardern with DD painting ! Forgot to take my AD this morning so was feeling a little sketchy....when i realised i hadn't taken it i was kinda relieved as it answered the question why i was feeling a bit 'funny' ! Now just trying to catch some 'me time' whilst DD has her afternoon nap !

[wiggleit]

Hi Star and Goosey..hope you are both ok, glad you are feeling a bit better today Star. How is everyone else on here? xx

[GooseyLoosey]

Not having a great day. I find that talking to the psychiatrist over the past few months has started me thinking a lot of how I feel and why and I think it is just making worse. It was better when I did not think about things. Hope everyone else is feeling better!

[StarSparkle]

Hi Gooseyloosey - sorry to hear that you are not having a good day . Sounds like you are having a hard time with your treatment . I also have started analising how i think and the way i feel (almost excessively) I've been offered no help except for the AD. Remember that funny thoughts and feeling 'different' is a lot more common than u would think !

[GooseyLoosey]

I think I started out believing that the ADs would be a magic solution and the psych still seems to think that if he gets the right one at the right dose it will all go away, but I am no longer sure. I don't really know what the way forward is though and am just starting to be a bit apprehensive that there is no way out but I am determined that I will not give in to these thoughts. Do you currently have something you are doing to make yourself feel better?

[wiggleit]

Hey Goosey, sorry to hear you are not having a good day. Please don't think there is no hope. I was like that, hit rock bottom but i can honestly say with the help of AD's and counselling and seeing a psychologist i feel i have turned a corner and can see light.

The thing is with therapy you have to go through the sh## to come out the other end and what you are going through is completely normal. You will think more because you are delving deep into stuff. I have been exactly the same. I still over analyze conversations i've had etc but i'm getting there.

Not sure what will help you but when i'm feeling really bad i write things down,like a letter, just to get it off my chest. I also look at the good things in my life as apposed to all the bad stuff that's happening at the mo. I write down everything. I find that helps a lot, also talking to close friends really helps. I had one of my close friends in tears last week but we both felt better after we'd got stuff out of our systems. If all alse fails, come on here and spill the beans, there'll always be someone around who can listen. Chin up! xx

[mummyhill]

One of the wonderful people on DWD suggests a happy book to help on days when feeling down.

A happy book is FAB.. What you do is you have a book that you put in things that have made you smile over each day.. could be a flower, a leaf, a drawing, a word, a memory... something that has made you feel good...

then when the dark days hit you look at it..

[wiggleit]

Hi mummyhill, that happy book sounds like a good idea, might try that myself.

How is everyone today? Chins up! x

[StarSparkle]

I agree the happy book sounds like a great idea mummyhill, i may also try that.

Hey wiggleit, how are you today? Im feeling okay - nearly was overwhelmed by the thought of the usual day to day housework but made my self do it and then i was fine !

[wiggleit]

Hey Star, glad you are feeling ok today. I'm fine atm thank you. Housework..am constantly doing housework! It's not much fun is it? I'm even more uptight about it than normal coz we're having visitors this weekend so want everything to be spick n span!

[StarSparkle]

Grrrr Housework....tell me about it ! Spend most the time when DD is asleep or playing doing housework ! I even spent 4 hours the other wkend cleaning the carpets with a carpet cleaner.... needless to say by monday they were in the same state after DD and our dog had been running about !

Im sure your place will look lovely by the time the visitors arrive !

[wiggleit]

Thanks Star. My DH thinks i'm a bit neurotic about housework. (i probably am!) I hate things being untidy and unclean. I'm quite sad really aren't i? It's coz i have no life! x

[StarSparkle]

I'm the same.... i cant relax if things need to be done around the house ! Even if i really want to watch something on tv in the eveing and i know washing/tidying ect needs to be done - i have too do it ! I feel gulity if i sit down if it hasn't been done ! Plus i get really stupid thoughts that the neigbours will think im useless and have a dirty house (even tho theres no way they could know!) Mad is'nt ! Doesent help that DP has a thing for leaving his pants/socks/jumpers/dirty plates/glasses ect everywhere and thinks they will 'magically' clean themselves ! Anyway i'll stop rambling on ! Hee hee

[wiggleit]

Men eh? Wot are they like, they do have this philosophy that the clean fairy comes around cleaning up after them don't they! My DH not too bad but he has his moments. My DD is a mare! Soooooooooo untidy! It does my head in! x

[StarSparkle]

Hello all ! Hows everyone feeling today ?