If you used to be suicidal and now you aren't, what helped?

[AndresyFiorella]

Just that really. I don't want to go too much into my own situation, because that makes me feel worse, but I feel like I've had all the therapy and all the pills and I'm just so tired of it all.

Hey OP,

I’m really sorry that you are going through this. So the drugs actually really helped me. But the main thing that has helped me is by building up my self worth. For example, we found I would always get really low if something happened at work, and we realised that this was happening because my self worth was entirely attached to my job. So when things were going great at work, I’d feel on top of the world, but when things went bad, I felt like I couldn’t continue. It’s taken a while but I’ve now got more hobbies, am focusing more on being a great mum and I’m hoping that the next time something bad happens at work, I can handle it better.

I am thinking of you OP.

Thank you. I feel I'm failing both at home and at work. I used to use work to help me cope with home. I should have split up with my partner pre DC. I now can't forgive myself and feel like I've ruined both DP and DDs lives. DP should split up with me but if he does I won't cope.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, OP. I became completely burnt out just over a year ago and can very much relate to the overwhelm, exhaustion, decision paralysis etc. For me, it wasn’t that I thought people/the world would be better off without me, more that it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep existing. Things that helped me included:
Starting HRT
Getting my blood tested and taking supplements as needed (low vit D really did a number on me)
Sertraline
Having routines for everything, including visual or Alexa reminders to reduce the need to carry mental load (eg sign above the washing machine with what needs to be washed on what days, reminder on Alexa to do the school run)
Meal planning once a week, but basically eating the same things on rotation and making sure I have a supply of current safe foods
Making sure I get some fresh air, even if it’s just sitting on my back doorstep to drink a coffee
Getting plenty of rest and going to bed early to allow for my elaborate sleep routine
Distracting myself with hobbies (crafting, gardening)
Practising gratitude
Being strict with myself on how I talk to myself eg saying out loud “you’re not in the right frame of mind to think about that now” when I’m spiraling and trying to be kinder and more positive to myself generally.

I probably also need therapy but I’ve found the process of finding a therapist to be too overwhelming at the moment - still very much a work in progress but I feel like a different person now.

I recently lost a relative to suicide and it has really devastated our family. I can hear the depression talking through the words and clouding your judgement so I just wanted you to know that you matter, and if you can manage to keep on keeping on, please try as things won’t always feel like this.

Thank you

All I will say is that however difficult you think being around makes your DDs life, if you kill yourself you are sentencing her to a life that is 100% guaranteed to be filled with pain, guilt and unhappiness. That’s a pretty shit legacy to leave her. Plus the fact that statistically her chance of doing the same will have skyrocketed. You might leave the pain you feel behind, but all you will do is pass it onto her.
read back your responses here - I know you are in pain and desperate but you need to find the cracks. There are lots of ‘I did this but it didn’t work’. The beauty of everything is you get to try again, use a different therapist. Find a new job. Try different meds. Change the situation. Start small - you said you liked open water swimming - do it. Forge forward as best you can.
i hope very much you find a way forward OP.

Thank you.

Learning that I'll never get closure on things, and that while I'll never get apologies or answers I can stop letting it rule my life.

And learning to feel the anger and work through it rather than bottling it up.

Stop thinking I 'should/could' have done ABC instead of XYZ. I didn't. I did XYZ and I did that because that's all I knew how to do with the tools I had, and that's ok.

Realising how my suicide would actually impact those around me. Like genuinely impact them. They would never be the same again, it would break something in them and that it would be my fault.

I spent around 10 year of my life feeling suicidal, wasted my early 20s to 30s to it and I refuse to do it anymore. I still have down days, and some intrusive thoughts but I work on not letting it totally drown me.

F

My dog saved my life

Time is a great healer l know it's a cliche but in my case it's true .

I have read on here people using LSD to treat depression. I did a Google and found this https://www.imperial.ac.uk/psychedelic-research-centre/participate-in-a-trial/microdosing-study-20/

I have read and seen some really interesting results where people use LSD to treat previously untreatable depression. Worth a look?

That looks amazing but it looks like you have to provide your own LSD. I have no idea how I would do that!!!

My problem is I am in a repeating cycle. I will probably feel better for a bit at some point, but then I'll feel worse again. Every bad bout is wise than the last, as there is more to regret the older I get. That's why I don't want to get any older. But I know I have to. That's what's so depressing. If I could commit suicide I think I'd feel ok! If I knew for a fact I was going to be hit by a bus next year I think I'd cheer up knowing it was nearly over!

Stop thinking I 'should/could' have done ABC instead of XYZ. I didn't. I did XYZ and I did that because that's all I knew how to do with the tools I had, and that's ok.

This is what I find impossible. I knew I was making the wrong decisions even as I made them. I turned down a man who could have made me so happy because I was too depressed and thought he wouldn't put up with me. I wanted desperately to avoid recreating my mum's life and I've done exactly that. She is 76 and still as miserable as ever so I know there's no hope.

This sounds hugely situational. I was in a really awful toxic job (not saying you are) and you convince yourself there's no way out. In the end someone intervened and I essentially got paid to leave my job. I can tell you now that I hesitated for not one second. When someone offers money as a way out it does change perspective, I am not going to lie. I went from thinking I can't, to I'm doing it. It wasn't a big amount of money but at the time it was like divine intervention. It bought me a break and chance to find another job. I actually am still in the same career, different place, but feels very different, slightly better balance and have made other small changes, plus a promise to myself that I'd never ever continue if I felt miserable or trapped again, I'd just walk away and find a solution. It helps to have a tiny amount of savings - what I now call the 'fuck you' fund. It's just reassuring to know that its there. I've also had therapy - not therapy aimed at making me feel OK about an awful situation, but aimed at exploring how I react the way I do and what else I could do which is helping me unpick the way forward. Also some trauma therapy has helped a lot too.

Thanks for this Sajacas. I did eat a ketogenic diet for a while and was definitely calmer and slept better. Unfortunately with an eating disorders any disciplined way of eating hard for me to maintain, but you have tempted me to try again.

@sajacas it sounds like changing your eating had a massive impact for you. Would you be able to tell me how you eat and what difference it has made? Thanks!

This is beautiful ❤️

I’m so glad for you.

Why can some people do this and others can’t 😪every day I deal with the possibility of losing a family member to suicide ( has BP2). It’s been going on for years. Ive tried to support in every way possible. I know it’s not in my control. All I’m left with is utter sadness and frustration.

Struggling today. DD v unhappy at secondary school. I am parenting alone this weekend and I just feel I have nothing to give her. I have no functioning coping mechanisms myself. I did get her to do some baking and listen to music, I I guess that's something. I just realised I have no effective coping mechanisms of my own. Have done very little work this weekend and totally unprepared for the week ahead. I am trying though. Have an appt with the Dr and a therapist tomorrow. I just know it's me who's unwilling to change so there's very little anyone else can do. Trying to have some hope.

Struggling today. DD v unhappy at secondary school. I am parenting alone this weekend and I just feel I have nothing to give her. I have no functioning coping mechanisms myself. I did get her to do some baking and listen to music, I I guess that's something. I just realised I have no effective coping mechanisms of my own. Have done very little work this weekend and totally unprepared for the week ahead. I am trying though. Have an appt with the Dr and a therapist tomorrow. I just know it's me who's unwilling to change so there's very little anyone else can do. Trying to have some hope.

CAT THERAPY.
Had loads of theraphy over last 40 years. This was the best.

Cat therapy" can refer to either a type of psychotherapy called Cognitive Analytic Therapy (CAT) or to therapy cats as part of animal-assisted therapy programs. Cognitive Analytic Therapy is a talking therapy that helps individuals understand how their past experiences influence their current relationships and behaviors.