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If you used to be suicidal and now you aren't, what helped?

122 replies

AndresyFiorella · 30/08/2025 13:18

Just that really. I don't want to go too much into my own situation, because that makes me feel worse, but I feel like I've had all the therapy and all the pills and I'm just so tired of it all.

OP posts:
LargeJugs · 30/08/2025 20:48

Divorcing the narc helped massively

RiderGirl · 30/08/2025 20:52

This is from the point of view of my DD. She was suicidal for years, misdiagnosed with depression and pumped full of pills, diagnosed with autism etc etc. What was life-changing was getting a diagnosis of Bipolar type 2, getting on correct meds etc. Her life now is worlds apart from what it was and she finally feels as if she has a future.

AngryLikeHades · 30/08/2025 20:55

Targeted, relevant therapy.

Ramblingaway · 30/08/2025 21:00

I also got diagnosed with bipolar 2, and the medication switch helped. I was then also diagnosed with PMDD, but the pill put my blood pressure up. In the end I had a hysterectomy and oophorectomy and am now on low dose replacement oestrogen. It's amazing. Like a thundercloud has cleared from around my head. So much better. No progesterone at all now, it must have just been flattening my mood so badly. Also, routine helps. That way I don't have to decide too many things.

AndresyFiorella · 30/08/2025 21:15

Yes I hate lack of routine. That's why I'm always at my worst over the school holidays. I also sabotage myself by e.g. being so decision averse that I can't write my lesson plans down, but that means I have to re-plan them every year, so actually makes more decisions. Rationally I know this is bonkers. I work all hours only to end up where I started, and poor DD loses out on me because I am planning and marking (and re-marking in case I got the marks wrong!) all weekend. But I can't stop. I guess all the 'busy work' keeps my despair at bay. At moments like now when I can't work at all, that's worse. Then I spend the whole weekend on Mumsnet and arrive at school with nothing planned or marked but totally unrested and exhausted.

OP posts:
Kedgerle · 30/08/2025 21:15

GreenGodiva · 30/08/2025 13:33

I am bipolar. Been suicidal for most of my teenage /young adult years. About 26-28 I read a book and I remember seeing a quote. “Happiness is a hard choice to make”. It very much set off a tiny chain of events. Exercise is the big one. Every single day. I intentionally flipped my thinking and instead of taking every tiny pebble,stone/rock in my path as a direct insult to myself, I look for the silver lining. I try to turn every single negative into a positive. So my benefits got cut due to their mistake, I used it as a challenge to create mega cheap recipes. Instead of wallowing that I couldn’t afford to buy my kids more than 2-3 Christmas presents, I spent my last £5 on smart price baking ingredients and we made biscuits And cakes and cookies and they STILL talk about how that Xmas was great fun. Every single day I choose to look for simple beauty in the things around me, a weed growing in a paving crack, fluffy clouds, watching kids on the park. I took responsibility for my own actions and how my own inactivity/complacency caused a decent chunk of my problems. I held myself accountable and put steps in to improve my behaviour.

And volunteering gives me a huge buzz. Every Easter and Christmas my sister and I cook for those in need, we started this 100% on our own about 4-5 years ago and last Xmas Eve we supplied 87 people in the community with reheatable roast dinners that were scratch made. This year, we are running a sit down meal on Christmas day in our church. Plus take away meals on Xmas Eve, and hampers for those that want to cook their own. We fund raise for this all year and it doesn’t actually cost a lot. My husband and I play mother and Father Christmas as well all through December and we are brilliant at it. I have never had such a warm fluffy buzz in my life add I get from making other people smile.

You're one of life's good uns. What an inspiration, thank you ❤️

Mischance · 30/08/2025 21:23

The small things make a difference .... I know this may sound trite, but I am living through a very difficult time healthwise and my life is hugely curtailed and I am plagued with meds-induced constant nausea. Sometimes I feel like giving up. I am not able to do the things I normally would and there is no end in sight. In fact things are likely to get worse.

But I list all the things I have achieved each day, however minute. I got up, I did some laundry, I did a bit of design etc. In your case you could make a real point of listing everything you do each day for your DD. Did you feed her, did she have something clean to wear, did you get her to school? .... all things that she has because of you. Small things I know, but it is easy to ignore their significance. These are the building blocks of our lives, and they create the foundations for your DD.

Justwrong68 · 30/08/2025 21:24

I imagine my son at my funeral, that puts the kibosh on the thought of it. But also Ashwagandha has helped with feeling low and desperate (better than ADs did). A PP mentioned noticing the beauty of things, or mindfulness; which works wonders especially if you can apply it to an art or a hobby like gardening; slow your thoughts by dwelling on a small but incredibly beautiful object. Sounds corny but can provide escapism.

ThrowMeAwayTheVeryNextDay · 30/08/2025 21:41

Anti-depressants (Venlafaxine) for me and keeping myself so busy that I'm too knackered to think about it. That takes the edge off. My GP asked me once what was stopping me taking my own life and when I said I couldn't do that to my DC, he said to hold onto that thought. I have and it's helped.

Octavia64 · 30/08/2025 21:45

Drugs
therapy

my pain improving after my accident, and my
walking ability also improving.

i lived for some years determined not to do it despite a low quality of life after a major accident because I would not do it to my kids.

they are now grown up. My pain is more under control. I have more mobility. I’m no longer working to get money to live (which made my pain so much worse).

I can now value the small
things. I have three cats who I love. I’m making a garden with pots. I’ve taken up recorder.

turns out when you make time for yourself there are small joys.

Verbena87 · 30/08/2025 21:46

Running outdoors in green spaces

Deleting social media

Telling people to call me out if they notice I’m not eating

gardening

sewing

mountains

going down to 3 days at work and experimenting with how much marking/PPA I could just stop doing before it actually negatively affected the kids. It is more than I thought.

family and friends

cutting contact entirely with a loved one, even though I felt like the bad person and know I look like the bad person to many others as well. It was awful but I am so glad I did, I think this saved my life.

a good therapist who was kind but never soft, and knew how to slip a confronting question into my nonsense like a knife to let the daylight in.

AndresyFiorella · 30/08/2025 21:52

I honestly think being around my DD now is harming her rather than helping her. She's suffering with insomnia at the moment. Her dad is telling her it's a phase but she knows I've been an insomniac for 45 years (because I am incapable of hiding things from her) so she knows it could be her for life. But I guess if I commit suicide she might see that as her fate. I just feel so sorry for her being my DD.

I am going to try and write a list of decisions I've made today. I also had a haircut. A couple of positive things.

OP posts:
Verbena87 · 30/08/2025 22:05

You sound burnt out.

Are you wanting to die, or are you wanting to be dead so you can stop doing all the things and just have the relief of not having to do/know/be anything? this might not be a distinction for anyone else but it is for me. If so I think the advice upthread to simplify and reduce the number of choices you have to make is good.

Your DD is better with you here. And she’s her own person who will have her own experiences, challenges and triumphs. It’s worth hanging around to see them.

Finally I am listening to an audiobook about polyvagal theory/the nervous system at the mo and it’s been useful because I tend to think that everything is either my fault or my job, and some of the stuff in it seems to have allowed my brain to actually grasp the idea that I don’t have to solve everything or blame myself for other peoples stuff - I can just be. God knows if the message will stick but it’s nice for now!

i really hope you feel better. Teaching is a joy but it can be a total drain/headfuck as well.

Personperson · 30/08/2025 22:16

Biggest one is my mum. She's already lost 1 child to suicide and I couldn't put her through that. Plus being on the other side of suicide, all it means is the pain goes from them to you.

I miss my subling so much 😢

Apart from that, mindfulness, meditation, being in nature, seeing my friends and reminding myself that there is a future for me , even if it's not the one I envisioned.

It's the same for you.

Don't do something permanent for something temporary.

A lot of my woes stemmed from undiagnosed adhd, not valuing myself enough. Wasting time. Surrounding myself with the wrong people.

I am slowly undoing and forgiving myself for what I didn't know. And being given life instructions, for a life I could never live up to. I've had to learn to do things my way.

I think I will always suffer with mental health but learning to self sooth is very important.

How often do you schedule things into your life that you enjoy? We often forget the little things whilst only seeing what is wrong.

I found being away from social media helped. Not comparing myself to other's gleeful posts. Reducing the news to once a week or whenever I want. Playing with games. Seeing friends. Trying not to bed rot but also recognising when I need to rest. Learning to listen to my needs.

Realising I am a good person despite the shit I've been through. Most of us don't deserve it and yes some of us get the shit stick unfortunately.

But I refuse to just let that define me. I can't believe that is just it. That this is the end of my story. I have a part in me that just refuses to give in.

Personperson · 30/08/2025 22:24

AndresyFiorella · 30/08/2025 21:52

I honestly think being around my DD now is harming her rather than helping her. She's suffering with insomnia at the moment. Her dad is telling her it's a phase but she knows I've been an insomniac for 45 years (because I am incapable of hiding things from her) so she knows it could be her for life. But I guess if I commit suicide she might see that as her fate. I just feel so sorry for her being my DD.

I am going to try and write a list of decisions I've made today. I also had a haircut. A couple of positive things.

Op I think you're suffered some trauma somewhere, reading your posts. Are you stuck in fight or flight, in freeze mode?

Hence the unable to make decisions.

It could be complex PTSD but I'm no doctor.

CBT is very basic and doesn't really work for the deeper stuff. I had act, acceptance and commitment therapy which really helped.

But if it's trauma based, EMDR will help with this.

I would also look at attachment styles. There are a few like anxious and avoidant. It might help you figure out how and why. It often starts in childhood.

I wish you best of luck.

AntiBullshit · 30/08/2025 22:30

Medication and staying on them and taking them every single day

BadLuckNameChange · 30/08/2025 22:31

I see @Personperson has mentioned it and I’m going to mention it too: undiagnosed ADHD? My husband has this, absolutely paralyzing indecision, bad enough to CAUSE depression, but the underlying cause is his ADHD, which he’s had since childhood and has only been diagnosed in his late 30s. I know it seems to be “popular” now, and yes, some people take the piss out of it, but it is about 100% more than just “getting distracted,” and especially so for women, who display it even more differently than the stereotype, and the stereotype is ridiculous to begin with.

I know it might be overwhelming to consider this, as I’m sure you already have other diagnoses, but if you are in England, there are (or were?) options to use the NHS to get diagnosed privately, so you won’t be waiting years just to get evaluated.

My husband is on an anti-depressant and also now medication for his ADHD and it’s like night and day. He used to get so paralyzed by decisions that he would just give up and go to bed - it looked like such stereotypical deep depression. But it was the combo of depression and ADHD, along with the pressure from making decisions, and the ADHD treatment has helped a lot.

It’s NOT perfect. Nothing ever will be, because we just don’t understand the human mind well enough yet. But if decisions are affecting you so much that you’re considering suicide, please look into ADHD (or ADD, as it’s better known now, because so many people experience it without hyperactivity).

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 30/08/2025 22:37

Opposite action therapy. No decision needed.

GoldPoster · 30/08/2025 22:50

Lamotrigine for me. I had a few focal seizures and this was prescribed. It was only after I’d started it that I read it’s also used for bipolar and is a mood stabiliser. It certainly works.

AndresyFiorella · 30/08/2025 22:53

Thank you so much everyone. Lots to digest. I've looked up opposite action therapy. Looks interesting but I do try to face my fears. E.g. today I was determined I would make a decision on the Yr9 curriculum. I knew I'd feel foul doing it and crazily anxious, but I was determined to try and 'eat the frog'. 14 hours later I'm exhausted and heading to bed, having made no decisions whatever on the Yr9 curriculum!

I have looked into ADHD, but the assessor didn't think I had it. I wasn't at all like this as a child, so didn't fit that diagnostic criteria.

Sorry I can't respond to all in turn. Thank you so much for all your contributions.

OP posts:
Personperson · 31/08/2025 10:13

AndresyFiorella · 30/08/2025 22:53

Thank you so much everyone. Lots to digest. I've looked up opposite action therapy. Looks interesting but I do try to face my fears. E.g. today I was determined I would make a decision on the Yr9 curriculum. I knew I'd feel foul doing it and crazily anxious, but I was determined to try and 'eat the frog'. 14 hours later I'm exhausted and heading to bed, having made no decisions whatever on the Yr9 curriculum!

I have looked into ADHD, but the assessor didn't think I had it. I wasn't at all like this as a child, so didn't fit that diagnostic criteria.

Sorry I can't respond to all in turn. Thank you so much for all your contributions.

If you ever need to talk, we are here for you.

LittleYellowQueen · 31/08/2025 10:39

AndresyFiorella · 30/08/2025 22:53

Thank you so much everyone. Lots to digest. I've looked up opposite action therapy. Looks interesting but I do try to face my fears. E.g. today I was determined I would make a decision on the Yr9 curriculum. I knew I'd feel foul doing it and crazily anxious, but I was determined to try and 'eat the frog'. 14 hours later I'm exhausted and heading to bed, having made no decisions whatever on the Yr9 curriculum!

I have looked into ADHD, but the assessor didn't think I had it. I wasn't at all like this as a child, so didn't fit that diagnostic criteria.

Sorry I can't respond to all in turn. Thank you so much for all your contributions.

Ok fair enough if you've been assessed - just a couple of other thoughts, at the risk of sounding like I'm trying to convince you - I'm not:

There's a reason women are mostly late diagnosed - the diagnostic criteria mainly focuses on how ADHD presents in males, who are more likely to be outwardly hyperactive - honestly it's kind of measured in how much they disrupt the people around them. Most women are more likely to present as inattentive ADHD, where the hyperactive part can take the form of constantly racing thoughts with an inability to switch them off, short attention span, difficulty in focusing and settling down to a task, particularly if it's one that is boring or difficult and doesn't trigger a hyperfocus - such as you and your year 9 curriculum.

Additionally, most women are late diagnosed because yes, symptoms do need to be present in childhood but when you're a child and most decisions are made for you, it's kind of easy to just mask. The signs might be more subtle if you're not bouncing off the walls and your hyperactivity is staying inside you as anxiety.

When you grow up and have children and a job, the mask gets harder and harder to maintain until suddenly, you're not coping. And then you blame yourself. That's how it was for me anyway. When i went back through my old school reports, the signs were there even though i was the quiet girl in the corner who never caused anyone any problems - i was scatter brained, couldn't focus, would dash off my homework at the last second after spending hours avoiding it or staring at it. I could revise for an exam for hours but nothing would go in. i internalised everything and that's what led to me being where i was mentally at age 35.

There are other neurodivergent conditions too. But if none of that resonates, please do ignore me. It's just that i read your posts and there's so much in there i can relate to - especially sitting down and forcing yourself to do a task that HAS to be done, but then just sitting there for hours not doing it - which makes you feel even worse about yourself.

Even if you're not ND, some of the tactics ND people use to trick themselves into getting stuff done might be helpful and alleviate some of your stress and anguish over it all. For eg with your year 9 curriculum, ive accepted now that stuff like that will be done last minute. I need a sense of urgency to get it done. I'll work out when it absolutely HAS to be done by, and try and break the task down into much smaller chunks, and I'll plan breaks in between - even if i only got 5 minutes work done then have a break to get a cup of tea. I'll have a familiar tv show or music in the background to help me focus. Sometimes i need silence. Sometimes i need to sit quietly and work out what exactly is it about the task that's got me stuck in task paralysis so i can address that first.

Basically - it's easy to blame yourself when you're not coping, but what if you're trying to cope with more than it's reasonable to expect any human to handle based on their capacity?

Anonymous23456 · 31/08/2025 10:42

Whar helped me was exercises and mindfulness / guided meditation. However, recently I'm starting to wonder if my MH isn't MH at all. My daughter has suspected autism and ADHD and I'm wondering if my issues are related to undiagnosed ADHD.

AndresyFiorella · 31/08/2025 12:16

I was really hanging hope on ADHD but the answer was no. I was in a good phase when we had the assessment. Sometimes I wonder if I'm bipolar. I do swing from happy times to suicidal very fast. Yesterday I was actually feeling a bit better after a haircut. Today I want to run under a bus.

OP posts:
Personperson · 31/08/2025 13:08

AndresyFiorella · 31/08/2025 12:16

I was really hanging hope on ADHD but the answer was no. I was in a good phase when we had the assessment. Sometimes I wonder if I'm bipolar. I do swing from happy times to suicidal very fast. Yesterday I was actually feeling a bit better after a haircut. Today I want to run under a bus.

Bipolar is another similar condition. My sister has it. It could be that. It's a chemical abnormality of the brain, hence the ups and downs in mood.